About

bs”d

This is a blog about the experience of living with Bipolar Disorder.

Here I wish to tell the story of what it is like to live with a disabling mental illness, day by day; and to provide a safe and welcoming space for all who wish to participate, whether by comment, contribution, or simply silent reading. We’ll dip into neuroscience a bit, and roll around in the pharmacopia for sure. But the essence of this blog is the experience of the illness, and it is subjective as hell.

Bipolar illness has eaten my life in leisurely chunks. You may have read a book or two written by some fortunate one who fought their way out of the abyss and ended up as a university professor. I’m not one of them. In fact, the opposite.  I rose to some dizzying heights in my profession, and through the erosion of my illness, have found myself disabled, unable to work in the field I so dearly love.

On the other hand, one in five people with severe Bipolar Disorder end in suicide. I’m not one of those either. I choose life. As excruciatingly painful as my life is at times, I know that one day I will indeed die. Everyone does, sooner or later. The thing is, if I kill myself, I’ll miss the end of the movie. My movie. I won’t know what would have happened if I just stuck with it one more fraction of a second. And if I live long enough, I might possibly merit to do one speck of good on this planet, to help one person perhaps, and that would make the whole of it worthwhile. Time, however, can be a behemoth of an adversary.

I happen to be a religious person. A spiritual person by nature, and a religious person by choice. It gives me a framework in which to see my life, and someone to blame and cry out to. And it gives me a road map by which to navigate. I’m Jewish, and my road map is the Torah (the “Old Testament”). And it says,

“I have placed life and death before you, blessing and curse;

And you shall choose life…..” Devarim (Deuteronomy) 30:19

You shall choose Life.”   So I make that leap of faith, and I choose Life, even though most days I would much rather not have it.

 

 

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256 Comments

  1. D'Alta

     /  October 27, 2011

    I am glad that you have chosen life.

    Reply
  2. Thank you for sharing your truth. You need to share and we need to listen. Blessings and love.

    Reply
  3. Peter Baum

     /  October 30, 2011

    Well said.

    Reply
  4. I think this is honestly the best blog “About” which I have ever read (and I have read more than most bloggers will in their lifetime – and written about a half dozen myself).

    Reply
    • Thank you for your encouragement, Ruby Tuesday. I am blushing all over. I’ve had a lot of time to think about all of this, being a bit older, and having taken many doses of the medicine called “Divine Providence.” I’m honored that you took the time to read my little manifesto. Good to see you here. Keep on keepin’ on.

      Reply
  5. Liebe, thanks for sharing your beautiful blog with me. And I’m excited to hear that you’re working on a November novel!

    Reply
  6. wildflowers' movement

     /  January 2, 2012

    Many of us consider our mental diversity a gift, not a ‘disorder’ of any kind. We encourage you to see your gifts as well.
    Good luck and peace in this new year.

    Reply
    • Shalom, Wildflowers. I appreciate your message of positivity. It’s true, certain areas of my brain’s functioning have been gifts. Superior intelligence, creativity with words and other media, and the gift of being a healer in many modalities, just for starters.

      One gift I was given right at the outset of my medical career: be very careful never to deny your patient’s reality. If he’s in pain, ask him about his pain. Don’t try to tell him that his right foot cannot possibly feel pain because it was blown off by a mine that he happened to have stepped on.

      If you have read my About page, you should have noticed that I have not had such a picnic with my dis-ease. I have known more than one person suffering from mental illness who suicided BECAUSE the “recovery model” wellwishers made them feel so bad about themselves, that they couldn’t live with ONE MORE FAILURE. It’s important to think about that when approaching someone who might not be consumed with self-love and appreciation for the brand of uniqueness that has caused them to lose their family, their profession, their social life, often their money…..you catch my drift, I hope.

      Reply
  7. wildflowers' movement

     /  January 2, 2012

    There are many different kinds of ‘recovery models’. Of course, not all models work for each person, as we are individuals needing individualized models. That’s only possible when each person takes the responsibility to seek out the formula to her/his own bliss. Tennis may help me, but swimming may help you. The ingredients to the formula vary for each person, as do the quantities. Life ‘disappoints’ many people…and ‘failures’ are not ‘failures’ unless you see them as such. Many of us see each day as a lesson, whether it’s a disappointment, an accomplishment, a reward, a lost friend, etc. It’s all a matter of perception. Change your perception and you can change the world.

    Reply
    • That’s a very tidy approach. Unfortunately, mental illnes by definition does not pack itself into such tidy containers. Sometimes things go along tamely enough, and one’s coping mechsnisms work like they’re supposed to. Other times, without a moment’s warning, it’s delusions, hallucinations, obsession with suicide. I’m not trying to devalue your model. I would like you to consider the reality that some people get very sick, even though they are doing “everything right.”

      Thanks for visiting! I wish you a healthy, happy life.

      Reply
  8. wildflowers' movement

     /  January 2, 2012

    Wow…I feel like you are kicking me out…wishing me a ‘happy life’… it’s really not my goal…but thank you if it comes from pure intention. Before I go…I just want to ask…

    You say ‘mental illness by definition’…whose definition are you referring to? The NIH? NAMI’s? Your’s?

    Also, many of us love our delusions, hallucinations and obsessions…and we do not define ourselves as ‘sick’ at all. It was Einstein who said “Reality is an illusion.” Can you prove him wrong?

    Doing ‘everything right’ is a ‘tidy approach’. No one said that doing everything is ‘good’…nor can we define ‘right’ or ‘good’ for an other.

    Reply
    • The main thing is, whether my impression is correct or incorrect (and does that really matter? See my new post “The Psychiatrist and the Light Bulb), I feel as if you are coming to my blog to somehow argue with me, and that is not what we are about here. You are welcome to see your own illness the way you see it. And you are welcome to accept how others see their illness, how they and we and you and I relate to it, or not relate to it. If you will go on over to Canvas of the Minds, you will see even more ways of relating to illness.

      The purpose of this blog is to look at the not-so-pretty aspects of Bipolar Dis-ease. There are people who don’t recover, for one reason or another, and they need to have a place to come where they know they won’t be greeted with “Cheer up, things will get better soon!” Because for some people, things don’t get better. And the last thing they need is someone feeding them a guilt trip for not feeling better.

      It’s great that many people do recover, and that there are landing places for them to work toward recovery, such as your blog. Kudos to you for doing it, and presumably, for your own recovery!

      You’re more than welcome to stay here, but the rule is to never, ever negate someone else’s experience of reality as it is for them at this very moment. If there are emergencies that need to be dealt with, I am the one who will deal with them. Otherwise, we are respectful of one another’s choices for how we lead our bipolar lives.

      Reply
  9. Greetings, and thank you for your lovely blog. I find myself with the rudest question? How old are you?

    I’m 56, diagnosed at age 26, in denial for a good 20 years and working hard toward honest recovery for the last 10 years. As outlined in my book, View from the Rollercoaster, Unsteady Essays and Bipolar Bylines, I had a horrible breakdown in 2004 and I honestly believe that every day since has been an improvement. This despite the fact that I went out of the workforce in 2009 on disability.

    Recovery is filled with harsh, heartbreaking realities. I cannot cope with work stress and stay balanced. I miss it but I have found that God is in the business of restoration. One by one, He has restored to me all the things that were broken in my life. For early, painful, broken relationships, he has restored to me a marriage of genuine love and mutual respect. For barren, selfish, brittle singleness, he granted not only the birth of a healthy child, who, in 21 years has provided joy and pride beyond words, but God also gave me the gift of three beautiful adult step-children and, thereby, SIX grandchildren. My cup truly overflows.

    I have great and constant responsibility for ongoing self-help. I wake and sleep religiously on a set schedule, eat sensibly and use supplements as well as my cocktail of medications. I humbly accept their side effects as part of the trade-off, while ever struggling to find a better way. Recently I adopted a gluten-free diet, on which the jury is still out.

    Will I ever break down again? Probably. To me, that seems like a reasonable expectation. And if I do, I’ll get up again, because I chose life 21 years ago when God gave me my daughter. I affirmed it again when I married my husband, her stepfather. I thank God for it every day but I never forget that I would have given it back gladly to escape a tortuous life of mood swings and bad outcomes.

    I hope you will visit me sometime at http://www.tracyrevalee.com, where I publish News from the Rollercoaster. Or at http://www.ladyinthepew.com where I share my devotions (and choir news!). I would be honored to put your link on my blogroll. Would that be all right?

    Reply
    • Thank you so much for visiting. Your comments are insightful, honest, and full of hope. I really appreciate that.

      As for my age…well, let’s just say I’m a bit older than you, chronologically! Time, for me, does not seem to procede in a linear fashion.

      I will certainly pop over and visit your sites (and your insights!) By all means put my link on your blogroll. I’m still trying to figure out how these things work, and I don’t have full time internet, so don’t feel bad if things on my end don’t happen immediately.

      Congratulations on your beautiful family and marriage. May G-d continue to bless you with revealed good.

      Reply
  10. I wanted to leave you a congrats! I nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award!

    Reply
    • Thank you so much, Lulu! I’m really touched by this. I’m not in any shape right now to do the associated activities though….not feeling too good, and I don’t know how to work this WordPress thing, a lot of effort for me. Thank you, though!

      Reply
      • No hurry on the rest of it. I wanted you to know how much your blog has had a profound affect on me. You deserve it!

        I am so sorry you’re feeling poorly. You know that if you need a shoulder, I am always available and willing to support someone in need.

        Reply
  11. Lulu beat me to it, but I wanted you to know that I nominated you for some awards including the Versatile Blogger, Liebster Blog, and the Blog for Mental Health 2012 challenge as well. I hope you feel better soon – I miss reading your blog!

    Reply
    • Soul Survivor

       /  February 2, 2012

      Thank you! I am under the influence of an attack of generalized exhaustion brought on by too much family stuff going on all at once. Not necessarily bad; just stressful, and I can’t think. G-d willing my brain fog will clear out enough to leave space for writing again soon. Thanks so much for your good thoughts and well wishes, and of course for nominating me for all these things!!!!
      Blessings,
      Laura

      Reply
  12. bpshielsy

     /  March 11, 2012

    “I might possibly merit to do one speck of good on this planet, to help one person perhaps, and that would make the whole of it worthwhile.”

    I’ve only just stared reading this & you’ve already helped me. Thank you

    Reply
  13. Laura, I’ve nominated you for The Very Inspiring Blogger Award: http://manicmonday123.wordpress.com/2012/03/13/very-inspiring-blogger-award/
    🙂

    Reply
  14. thetrissgutza

     /  March 13, 2012

    This is wonderful 🙂

    Reply
  15. Your words blew me away – YOU blew me away. Another practising Jew in the BP ‘family’! I was begining to wonder if I was the only one. I blog about my mental health at http://www.puncturerepairkit.wordpress.com and sometimes write about Judaism and my mental health. My one feeble suicide attempt took place right after Tikkun Le’il Shavuos in 2001. Most days I’m glad I didn’t go through with it. Most days.

    Reply
    • I’m very glad you’re still with us. And so glad you found my blog! I will definitely hop on over and check yours out. Being bipolar and Jewish has its very own special challenges, doesn’t it? Like being expected to stay up all night studying on some holidays, or fasting from food and water on others. This year I am on rather high doses of lithium, so there is no way I’m not going to drink pm Tisha B’ Av and Yom Kippur. And I’m not going to do the 5cc every 7 1/2 minutes or whaever it is. I’m going to follow my doctor’s orders and stay well hydrated, so unlike other years I will not spend the next three days sick as a dog. Unfortunately, that will mean sneaking around, since I don’t want to drink in front of people who are fasting. Meh. How do you handle the fasts?

      Reply
  16. Amazing article, thanks, I will subscribe to you RSS later.

    Reply
  17. Laura,
    Thank you so much for your honesty, especially the statement, “There are people who don’t recover, for one reason or another” and that a hip-hip-hooray message can be quite discouraging. I think the proverb applies: “Singing songs to a troubled heart is like taking off clothing on a cold day, or like pouring vinegar on soda.”
    I write about the journey with schizophrenia and find many similarities with what you have expressed on your blog. Whether a person recovers or not,
    the journey is plain ole messy, full of mystery, uncertainty, fear, and loss.
    I too, am glad you chose life, as grueling as it can get at times.

    Reply
    • Sorry for the delay in replying–I was overseas and all communication got a bit messed up. I’m really glad you relate to the “some people don’t recover,” and living with schizophrenia I know you know this. I will be sure to visit your blog (finally) in the coming days!

      Reply
  18. 1sparrow

     /  June 19, 2012

    Laura,
    Thank you for your honesty, especially the statement, “There are people who don’t recover, for one reason or another” and that a hip-hip-hooray message can be discouraging. I think the proverb applies: “Singing songs to a troubled heart is like taking off clothing on a cold day, or like pouring vinegar on soda.”
    I write about the journey with schizophrenia and find many similarities with what you say about the journey with Bipolar disease/disorder/illness. Whether a person recovers or not, the journey is plain ole messy, full of mystery, uncertainty, loss, and fear (exponential levels!).
    I too, am glad you chose life, as grueling as it can be many days.

    Reply
  19. Here’s to a Muslim that follows your blog now. (Yours truly)

    Reply
  20. ηм ωяιтєя

     /  January 10, 2013

    I, too, appreciate your sentiments about how some of us don’t recover. My well-intentioned friends can leave me bedridden with their cheery support. I have PTSD, major depression, possibly BPD, and several chronic physical ailments. It’s a daily battle to choose life. I’m glad I found your blogs. I am a professional writer who has been too sick to write for several years. Reading your words helped me forgive myself for giving up on my writing and to better understand that it’s okay to start and stop again. My biggest battle is self-forgiveness, self-acceptance. I need to stop seeking understanding that may never come from the people around me. I look forward to reading your entries.
    With gratitude,
    Laurie

    Reply
    • Thank you, Laurie, for commenting. At the end of the day, very often the best we can do is to keep on keepin’ on. Other people will just have to take care of their own issues. Our job is to get through the minutes, hours, days, however many are assigned to us, and do the best we can.

      Reply
  21. I know we talked about this on Twitter a bit (and I know you aren’t doing it today), but I am officially notifying you that I have pledged you for Blog For Mental Health 2013 on behalf of Canvas. Let me know if you have questions (like the badge), and I hope you’re having a good weekend!

    Reply
    • Thank you, Ruby! I’ll need your help walking me through how to do the badge, since I’m <> and all like that 😉 I think I just might be feeling spry enough to take everybody else up on their awards too! I feel like an ingrate for not doing it so far, but I think everybody here knows what it’s like to be out of commission for a while.

      Reply
      • I can help you with the badge. There are already instructions I wrote in reply to anxiouselephant on the Blog For Mental Health 2013 Official Blogroll page (in the comments), but if they don’t make sense, let me know.

        And don’t worry about the other awards. I know everyone would love to see you accept them, but then they also understand about it being a lot. I’m notoriously bad for waiting months to post on those, even for Canvas.

        Reply
  22. I did it! I did it! I actually followed directions! That was the most consistent comment on my report cards: DOES NOT FOLLOW DIRECTIONS. Does not color within the lines, runs with scissors, does not play well with others….but I did all of the steps of the pledge, including the badge! I hope. If I missed something, I hope you will let me know. 😉

    Reply
  23. Rachael

     /  February 1, 2013

    Just a note of encouragement… Hope you’re feeling better! And I hope you’re considering jumping on the NAC bandwagon. I posted on that particular blog page that I had started it and it broke me out of a period of ultra-rapid cycling (which is my usual MO). I feel better than I have in years, so much so that I realized that I wasn’t feeling as good as I thought I was! Anyway, please be well and keep on keepin’ on!

    Reply
    • Thanks, Rachael. Glad to know you’re feeling better! I was indeed taking NAC till I ran out, when I was out of the country and couldn’t get more. I’m going to order some chik-chok, which means Pretty Damn Quick in Hebrew. Take good care!

      Reply
  24. Always good to see another (figuratively) vocal Jew with MH disabilities.

    Reply
  25. Le Clown

     /  March 1, 2013

    Laura,
    BOO!! Nah, don’t be afraid. You know I’m a kind clown… Hey, would you be interested in a guest post on my serious blog,Black Box Warnings?
    Le Clown

    Reply
    • Hey Eric, nice to see you in your clown civvies. I DO know you’re a kind clown. Do you know, in my days as a pediatrician (there were many of them: days, I mean) I made the startling discovery that many, many children are terrified of clowns? It was the #1 topic for nightmares. Barnum-and-Bailey’s PTSD, if you ask me.
      Sure I’d love to guest post for you. Thank you for inviting me! I haven’t seen your BBW blog for ages. I’ll have to cruise over and rummage through it. What le topic would make Le Clown a Happy Clown?

      Reply
      • Le Clown

         /  March 1, 2013

        Laura,
        It changed a great deal, it went from writing about my son with ADHD, to a place where bloggers share personal stories with readers. Go take a look, and as for a topic, I’ll leave it to you… I would suggest Defining Crazy, Sara’s post, which was Freshly Pressed… It gives a good idea of the new direction of BBW…
        Eric

        Reply
        • Eez good stuff. I like. I’m honored that you’ve asked me to contribute. I wonder if you’d like a little essay I’ve been tinkering with called “Growing Up Odd”? It’s about, uh, being the odd kid, and then finding out much later in life that I’m bipolar and autistic and all this other crap; and rather than freaking out about having labels, now I can just go on being odd, and feeling justified about being who I am. Like, I’m autistic, I’m bipolar, I’m weird and I’m me.

          It’s in the neighborhood of 1200 words. What do you think?

          Reply
  26. K, I’ll run over later and have a look. I’m excited to see what you’ve done over there. Personal stories, I got lots, natch. I have to laugh: I’m hearing my best friend in Israel exclaiming “she’s Personal Stories Dot Com!” Oh well, never mind. I’ll go and give a read. Tonight at sundown starts the Jewish Sabbath, and I am offline until after sundown on Saturday night. Sacred space, battery recharge, all like that. So that’s the reason for the radio silence possibly till Sunday when I get back on schedule. Did you have a time frame in mind?

    Laura

    Reply
  27. Hi there, great blog!! having been diagnosed with manic depression at 16(now 49), I battle regularly with OCD, social anxiety etc.. I have just begun a writing project here in Ireland and would like if you took a look at it for me, This is important to me( now) and I aim to improve peoples lives through writing.
    http://penrelief.wordpress.com/ This is the link for my page if you get a chance!! Much respect and love the writings. Gerard Collins

    Reply
    • Hi Gerard, thanks for stopping by and leaving a note! I took a tour around your site. It’s great! I’d love to do a piece for you sometime if you would like.
      Take good care,
      Soul Survivor

      Reply
      • Thanks a million, no pressure on you to do so, we have a proportion of people who will not go to counselling, Doctors, self help groups etc., so this is the basis for my idea. I did not get the help myself for years but my writing kept me alive. Thank you so much.
        GC

        Reply
  28. Mine too. I think if I wasn’t a compulsive writer I would have been dead a long time ago. There was a time in my life when I kept myself alive by writing suicide notes! Thank God things are better now, but your writing-as-medicine message is wonderful.

    Reply
  29. I hear you loud and clear!! I think that if I began to write a note then my attempt may have been thwarted because I go on so much 🙂 its great to talk to you and I am sure we will chat for a while now, As I state on my page I hope to print all the stories that I get as a form of therapy, will see what happens. I feel that the advice and experience given by those of us who go through life with certain crises daily to others may be a huge benefit. Keep writing!
    Ger

    Reply
  30. ““You shall choose Life.” So I make that leap of faith, and I choose Life, even though most days I would much rather not have it.”

    You have no idea how deeply that bit moves me, I can definitely relate. I’m looking forward to reading your blog now that I’ve found it!

    Reply
  31. My daughter was diagnosed with bipolar disorder like her father when she was 12. Through different alternative therapies – she’s now been symptom free for 7 years. I wish you the best with this. Jody Williams (I found you when I followed a link you’d made to an interview with me here. Thank you.)

    Reply
    • Hi Jody, thanks for stopping by. That’s great about your daughter! What kind of alternative therapies have you been using? I did a lot myself for a bunch of years, and with my son too. He’s doing really well, thank G-d, at the age of 28 now. I hope our kids continue to do well and live healthy lives! Take good care!

      Reply
  32. I wonder if you are familiar with the ezine, “BP Magazine”? I lost my 32-year-old cousin to bipolar disorder last year, so I know the suffering it can cause. I feel that the more tools you have in your arsenal to combat it, the better. Here is the link: http://www.bphope.com/ If it helps in any way–great! If not, delete it. Shalom.

    Reply
    • Hi Susan, thanks for stopping by. I’m so sorry you lost your cousin. The general public is not educated to understand how lethal a disease BP can be. Thanks for the tips. I will look them up! All the best to you.

      Reply
  33. prayingforoneday

     /  April 29, 2013

    Bouquet of three awards
    http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/04/30/bouquet-of-three-awards/
    Please accept these 3 awards

    Shaun

    Reply
    • Thank you, Shaun, that’s so sweet of you! I’m a little slow on awards, so please don’t feel bad if I don’t get them up right away. Hope you’re having a great day. Sending love!

      Reply
      • prayingforoneday

         /  April 30, 2013

        Take your time, really…Many do several at once..
        Having a good day here, new dog and all that 🙂

        Love and Hugs back,,
        x

        Reply
  34. New dog! Oh boy! What kind?

    Reply
  35. You write really well. I have just started a degree in Psychology/sociology, and suffer with my own demons. It will be interesting to get to know you. Thank you for visiting my blog. Jen

    Reply
  36. Thanks for being so brave and persevering. Your life is an encouragement to others, especially those suffering from bipolar illness. My younger brother is diagnosed with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. I admire your choices and your tough no quit attitude! God Bless you!

    Reply
    • Thank you for your kind words. Your brother must have a tough time of it. I myself am not particularly tough. I have certainly had my “moments,” some of which have lasted for years. But as the I Ching says, “Perseverance furthers.

      Reply
  37. WoW!! Do you know how much your words touch people? You have a gift to allow me/us to peak into your life and learn so much. Thank you for being so generous! Whispering Insights

    Reply
  38. I have an important announcement to make…{clearing throat}…You have been nominated by me to receive the One Lovely Blog Award. You are truly an inspiration to me and I have no doubt many other people you have touched and helpod with your blog. Congratulations!:) Whispering Insights

    Follow this link on my blog for further instructions. http://wp.me/p3ia4v-fT

    Reply
    • THank you so much! It might be a while before I have time to put up the award, but that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate it, from the heart!

      Reply
      • I totally get it…I had to ponder to do it Saturday or next Saturday…life happens too ‘tween writing but that’s a good thing…What could we write about?:)

        Reply
  39. I nominated YOU for the Triple Bouquet Award which is The Best Moment Award, The Most Versatile Blogger Award and Sunshine Award. Congratulations!! Come on down by clicking here, http://wp.me/s3ia4v-1187 to collect your awards along with instructions on accepting said awards …which means a little bit of homework to follow said rules.
    Whispering Insights aka Oliana Kim

    Reply
  40. I love your verse. Life is precious.

    Reply
  41. Laura, it is with honour, I nominate you for an Award times 5 for your dedication and meaningful blog you post to enlighten us. It is my way saying ‘thank you’ for your voice. You can pick up the award at my site http://wp.me/p1cRxL-hr Congratulations, Cheryl-Lynn

    Reply
    • Thank you, Cheryl-Lynn! I am indeed honored. It takes me a while to respond to awards, because I am in the throes of writing my book, but please know that I am honored and grateful! All of us need to work together to raise consciousness about stigma and its destructive effects, and you are among the best!

      Reply
      • Not to worry and I have started to change the number of nominees now and then otherwise I would never get this out. Take all the time you need…just know you earned it:) cl

        Reply
  42. You are truly inspiring. I have nominated your blog for an award. Hope that is ok. It will be posted later today. Here is the link to take you to it then,

    http://wp.me/p2FWCD-qE
    Ciao, Susan

    Reply
  43. savemefrombpd

     /  August 27, 2013

    Thank you for telling us your story – I will be reading 🙂

    Kol tov.

    Reply
  44. Was wondering if you had done any articles on Canadian Pharmacies. Looking for a cheap and reliable source for medications since my insurance is running out. I appreciate your time and any knowledge you may share.

    Thanks EJ

    Reply
    • If you’re in the US there are now programs for people who cannot get coverage otherwise. I have no information on Canadian pharmacies, but the Internet is full of them. I’m sure there are reviews of the various ones as far as reliability, etc. Good luck!

      Reply
  45. overcoming depression

     /  September 8, 2013

    Yes, you shall choose life. I am a person who is battling with depression. I can understand your state. I appreciate that you are courageosely facing the difficult experiences and sharing it with others. Good luck to you. Looking forward to your posts.
    Hugs,
    Niranjan

    Reply
    • Hi Niranjan, you have a Gurmukhi name (did I spell it right?)! I have a particular love for anything Sikhi.
      Depression is a terrible foe. It saps the very strength you need to have in order to fight it. But you must keep on fighting. It’s so fortunate that we have this wonderful support system in the blogosphere. Thanks so much for stopping by. I’ll be sure to visit you too! Hugs back,
      Laura

      Reply
  46. gracielynne62013

     /  October 19, 2013

    I looked at your name and noticed the initials behind it and of course I thought, “Well, she is a doctor.” I, of course, put you on a higher status because of those damn initials. Then I kept looking to make sure that the brilliant woman who has penned this post was one and the same; the doctor and the woman who was so honest and vulnerable. You were one and the same and my admiration literally exploded into outer space. I have so much respect for you. You have obviously worked very hard and very successfully to achieve much but you are honest and strong enough, courageous even, to reveal the pain that is still haunting you. God love you, you are so absolutely amazing. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I anticipate each post with eagerness.
    To share ones successes is easy; to share ones struggles and failures, well that is only what heroes do. You are my hero.

    Reply
    • Oh…..I don’t know how to respond. Thank you so,so,so much….I want to cry but I can’t. I hope I don’t let you down. I’m just a person, a person who has risen to high places and fallen, broken, into places I sure don’t want to be….but my hope is, if I can help just one person it will all be worth it. God bless.

      Reply
      • gracielynne62013

         /  October 19, 2013

        You won’t ever let me down. My expectation is only that you know that I love you for your honesty. It is your falling that calls out to me, not your lifting up. It is your honesty about it that just makes me want to hug you so hard that you won’t ever feel unworthy again. God the courage that you have is amazing.

        Reply
      • gracielynne62013

         /  October 20, 2013

        I don’t know if you got my other comment or not but the only way you can let me down is if you stop being you. You in your entirety could never, ever let me down. Your honesty and your brilliance is so remarkable. I have so much respect for people who have achieved much and have the courage to lose it in the process of finding themselves.
        I have a sneaky suspicion that you may have done that and I have done similar over the past 18 months. It is liberating to realize that the applause of others is not so worthy as the applause within oneself.

        Reply
        • I did get your message, but some of my replies seem to be getting lost and not posting properly. Gracie, I didn’t lose my achievements in the course of finding myself. I lost them because I became very ill and part of the illness was poor judgement, and many other classic symptoms of Bipolar Disorder. I lost everything I had because of my illness, not because of any idealism or anything else. It remains a great tragedy to me that I can no longer practice my profession, and that my disordered mind refuses to cooperate with pretty much anything that would allow me to make an honest living. I live on disability payments. I’m glad that you’re finding yourself, and I very much hope that your journey leads you to fulfillment and happiness.

          Reply
          • gracielynne62013

             /  October 20, 2013

            I am so sorry that I made the assumption that I did. I may not be bipolar but I do have ADHD. I can relate to a disordered mind. My mind is like a rebellious child which is continually going off in directions which are not beneficial to me.
            I feel so bad that I assumed things which I did not know about you. I am so sorry.
            I believe I looked at your life through my window not realizing that to be a true friend I need to try to look through the window that you are seeing life through. Thank you for being kind in your response I don’t know that I would have been that kind myself.

            Reply
            • Oh, I’m sorry I made you feel bad! Don’t feel bad, OK? It is what it is. You’re a good and sensitive person. Be easy, it’s OK.

              Reply
              • gracielynne62013

                 /  October 20, 2013

                Alright, I have stopped mentally beating myself up. I will read more of your post to understand what has happened in your life.
                Please write more if you are able to. I love reading your stories. I am the kind of person that is obsessive about reading. When I am captured by a story every task throughout the day is done to get to the end of the day when i lay in my bed and engulf my mind in a well written book. I will confess there are sometimes i break from my tasks and take little sneaky trips to my rocking chair to read also.
                Your talent as a writer is brilliant. I read all of the time and I can identify a good writer by the first paragraph of a book.
                Sorry to say honey but it was the first sentence on your post that captured me.

                Reply
                • Well, that’s good. Means my “hook” was effective. Feel free to read any or all of my 242 posts! Many are stories, many personal essays, and some are just for fun…and some are just to vent or moan! Take good care and enjoy your reading!

                  Reply
                  • gracielynne62013

                     /  October 20, 2013

                    you too my dear. Yes your hook was more than successful. I am still trying to get the damn thing dislodged from my lip. lol

                    Reply
  47. Laura – This is an amazing opening into your world of fighting and working your way through this dis-ease so many beautiful people find themselves afflicted with. How I wish I could open my arms and say, “Come home, my child, and we’ll make things better.” However, you and I both know that it’s not all that simple. It if were, my husband would be up at his draftboard sketching one of a kind jewelry pieces to be make into gold and platiunum with precious stones for Tiffiny and other famous houses around the country. Instead his studio is empty and he’s asleep with the covers pulled tight over his head. Normally, this time of year he would be backed up with hundreds of custom orders for Christmas. For years he was booked for commission pieces for 2 and 3 years in adviance. Over the years, I’ve learned not to coax him out. That’s where he needs to be at this moment in time and he will reappear when he’s ready. My job is to assure that he receives the proper nourishment and liquids while he’s under the covers. It’s taken me years and years to understand this concept. It angers me that we have no cure for this dragon that’s entered our world. Keep writing. I’ve kept over 4 decades of journals wherein I’ve written everyday of emotions and experiences and their outcomes. I started long before I met Tom. However, they help me remember what does work and those items I should never push for in the future. Thanks for another great post, Laura. You are a beacon of light in this bewildering world.

    Reply
  48. maria samples

     /  December 9, 2013

    hi, I read your intro, and I cried, not because I felt sad for you but because I felt sad with you and I empathize. you see I was accused of having a mental illness by my son’s father after my son accused him of sexual abuse. his attorneys made it up and he threw money at them so they made it work in an effort to take my 10 year old son from me. the truth is that even if I had a mental illness I would still have a right to raise my son. I have remarried ( 7 years ago ) have a stable home and I also have my other son 14 with us. if I was mentally ill I would have rights I could demand but my doctors tell me I am not mentally ill and it is a ploy by my sons lawyers to cover up the allegations of sexual abuse.
    My son on the other hand is autistic/ Aspergers to be precise and has been reporting and enduring sexual abuse by his father and I cant find a way to save hi m.
    You said you want to make a diference in someones life, Can that someone be my son? I have prayed to god for someone that can make a diference, who can help save my son …in some way. I felt inspired when I read your intro because I feel like I dont want to go on without my son, but sonehow find the strengh to keep fighting and searching, believing somehow I can save him, if only I could find help.
    maria
    636 422 8181
    mariahowardsamples@gmail.com

    Reply
    • Maria, what a heartbreaking story. I don’t know how I can help you. It seems to me that there should be some legal remedy that you could access through Child Protective Services in your county. Have you tried that? Have you tried getting a restraining order on your ex? Has your son disclosed the alleged abuse to a pediatrician, CPS worker, teacher, or other mandated reporter? If he tells any of those people that his father is sexually abusing him, then he will be taken into protective custody immediately and new custody proceedings through Family Court will happen. You may have already gone all of these routes, but the surest shot is if your son is able to disclose the abuse to a mandated reporter, i.e., a professional person who by law has to report what the child said, either to law enforcement or to CPS, and if they don’t they can lose their license and/or go to jail. I’m so sorry you’re in this terrible position. Take care of yourself and keep praying!

      Reply
  49. songtothesirens

     /  December 10, 2013

    As a person also struggling with mental illness, I would like to say that your blog touches people and helps them understand what it is like to live with mental illness. I would also like to thank you for taking time to have read some of my blog, and choosing to follow it. Thank you for just being you, cracks and all.

    Reply
    • Thank you so much! I love your blog. You too help many people. Together, our beautiful blogging community can help each other weather the ups and downs and make it through another day, and another night. ((hugs))

      Reply
      • songtothesirens

         /  December 11, 2013

        Absolutely! I think that all of us who struggle daily, but continue to write will eventually cause people to see that we are not the really the exception, and I think that the bipolar blogging community is doing a very good job a that as well as providing support for one another when going through the ups and downs (sometimes all at once as I am prone to). Nothing like the mixed episode. I have been in one for about a month, and I say it could end anytime now, but I have to wait until the Holidays are over. They bring out the worst in me. Hugs back!!!

        Reply
        • Oh no, mixed episode–just thinking about it makes my eyes go wild. Sending you good juju to pop out of it and into a nice state of euthymia so you can enjoy the holidays, for once. 🙂

          Reply
          • songtothesirens

             /  December 12, 2013

            That would be nice. I hate the dreaded mixed episode. You can’t tell if you are motivated or depressed, but you are aware of both. Fortunately, it seems to be subsiding with the drop of bupropion in my bloodstream. I think I was on it too long and started cycling.

            I can always use good juju! And the holidays should be okay as I have lessened my expectations of certain people in my life, and that seems to helping. Sending you good juju back and hoping you enjoy your holidays!

            Reply
            • Bupropion helped my depression immensely, but unfortunately it activated me too much and caused havoc. Meh. Hope yours settles down soon. Here’s to happy, mellow, smooth-sailing holidays!

              Reply
              • songtothesirens

                 /  December 13, 2013

                It really helped a lot while I was going through my divorce a few months ago. Unfortunately, I think the length of time that I was at a therapeutic dose went on for a little too long, and I got triggered. I have been weaning off for the last month, and have one more month to go, and I can tell that the cycling has slowed. Thank goodness. If only it had bumped me into a nice little ride on the hypomania wave, that would have been cool. I honestly miss the hypomania of Bipolar II. I cannot say the same for the full blown mania of Bipolar I. 😐 Meh….

                Reply
                • Oh, I’m sorry about your divorce, so stressful, and the bupropion trigger….these meds are a double-edged sword, aren’t they/

                  Reply
                  • songtothesirens

                     /  December 13, 2013

                    Tell, me about it. The same meds that keep me and others sane are also rotting out my teeth because they dry out my mouth so much. That and certain lifestyle preferences (see archives for post entitled “Self-Medication), and I am set to get dentures in the first quarter of next year,

                    Divorce both bad and not so bad. It too has been a double edged sword. Some days I feel like I should feel worse about it than I do, and then other days, I am a weepy mess. But, life is most certainly interesting. 🙂

                    Reply
  50. So beautifully said. Im feeling so very similar. Wonderful

    Reply
  51. Thank you so much, Amy. Take good care of yourself.

    Reply
  52. Its crazy how you just put into words what ive been going through lately

    Reply
  53. Are you having some rough times?

    Reply
  54. Hi Laura, I have a special award for you which I hope you will accept. It is intended sincerely and from the heart. Here is the link to the nominations. http://wp.me/p2FWCD-GA
    If you need to pass it on please remember that I chose you as part of the Sisterhood. 🙂
    With love and blessings. Susan x

    Reply
    • Awwwww, Susan, thank you so much! I am really, really touched. I can’t ever do these awards though: they freak me out. Weird, huh? But I am weird. So I take the lovely thought, the sentiment behind the thought, and I hope you won’t feel bad.
      Much love to my Sister,

      Laura

      Reply
      • I didn’t think you’d go for all that rigmarole but – i wanted to send you a nice thought 🙂
        Take care Sister.
        Susan x

        Reply
        • Love love love and it’s about those cocktails….maybe we could do them on Skype! Heh heh move over “Ma Bell”- “the closest thing to being there.” Remember that tag line? I remembered it just now. Cheers and thanks for understanding!

          Reply
  55. You sound like a very courageous soul fighting a hard battle. Thank you so much for following my blog 🙂

    Reply
  56. Ironic! My blog is to live happy in this drive through life and today I found myself very depressed. By Gods chance I stumbled on you. Thank you.

    Reply
  57. Laura–
    You are awesome! You Rock!

    Reply
  58. What we take from this is a reflection of our own efforts to write to heal, to heal ourselves, and to help others with their own self-healing.

    We did not wish to post a comment, so much as to find an avenue by which to make more direct contact by pm or email. However we are not a private person by nature, so we have abused this tool to try to reach you, as we have failed to find a more appropriate route.

    We were hoping to explore PTSD in context to the effects it may have on memory and association. We hate to think we may have PTSD, (our current diagnosis is MPD or DID) but we think what some people might call distortions in our memories may strongly suggest this possibility (perhaps as a foundation for our DID?)…
    Because you seem to be the sort of person who can speak on this topic sensibly, from a well informed point of view, as well as compassionately from your more personal experiences, we were hoping you would take up correspondence with us to explore this issue and related matters such as trigger points (our point of entry to your WP blog today).

    Thank you,
    love, Grigori Rho Gharveyn, etc… et al…
    please email us here: greg.gourdian@gmail.com

    Reply
    • I would be honored to communicate with y’all. I just have to say in this public forum that my limited experience with DID has lead me to believe that the dissociation into multiple identities has something to do with severe and prolonged abuse. A friend of mine who lives with DID is a survivor of terrible ritual abuse. What do you think?

      Reply
      • We thought we had put the issue of ritual abuse to rest until discussing PTSD became more commonplace in public forums and in the media. The more we learn about PTSD the more we suspect a strong relationship between whatever stressors may be responsible for DID and PTSD, such as ritual abuse.

        We say we thought we put this to rest because, aside from our own memories which some people might call bizarre or perhaps even delusional, we can discover no evidence of very early childhood trauma.

        However, following moving out of the city (Philadelphia) to the ‘suburbs’ we found ourselves bullied on a very frequent basis, sometimes daily. Scarcely a week might go by in which we were not chased, hunted, captured, or beaten. While it was not always this intense, this went on for more than ten years, ending around age 16 or so.

        We were helpless to run or fight back due to our asthma and social isolation.

        What we remember of our very early childhood is a fantastic series of daily adventures in which we were constantly taken to terrible places full of people who were dead or dying, people we would have to help when these people were finally ready for the help our guide would teach us how to provide them.
        These adventures began when we were only three, or perhaps a bit earlier, particularly if we count the foundation work required for us to meet our teacher.

        Now we might say that these memories seem authentic to ourselves, but we have learned a bit about how our minds work; now we might believe that severe psychological trauma, whether brought about by witnessing, or by being a victim of abuse or violence, has several well studied effects including the alteration of memories, and we believe this particular effect may be an alternative explanation to our preferred convictions that our memories are true.

        Such a preferred conviction in memories that may seem suspect or simply impossible to many people might be part of a syndrome whose function is to distract us from whatever alleged trauma might possibly be regarded as responsible for our ‘condition’.

        Anyways, you now have a clearer idea of the direction we are trying to explore. While this is not the sole area of interest to us, it may be a dominant one.

        We began a sort of childhood autobiography which ran some 50 pages before we were unable to continue. We have ‘published’ this incomplete work on WordPress, here:

        A CHILD’S TALES, http://gharveyn.wordpress.com/453-2/

        One problem with doubting our memories is that once doubt creeps in, everything becomes suspect. We take our critics seriously, but if we do not remain loyal to beliefs which may turn out to be only fancies we risk becoming lost, we may become too clueless to have any confidence in ourselves.

        Consequently we find we must re-invent ourselves frequently; in particular, each time our confidence in our previous incarnations fail.

        We discovered you through the Trigger Point warning, but aside from PTSD, DID, and trigger points, we hope to explore the basis for identity: biologically, developmentally, socially, cognitively, and as examined in context to any other dimensions of a person’s sense of identity we may discover along the way.

        These interests are perhaps only the tip of the iceberg; we are fascinated by many diverse subjects related to psychology, sociology, archeology, anthropology, metaphysics, etc…

        Our world views may be unique. We sometimes find them frightening because their deviation from anything we can discover about other people’s beliefs makes us feel extremely isolated in spite of having a strong relationship with our girlfriend and knowing we are loved by many people.

        This psychological distance we place between ourselves and other people creates emotional and social distance as well. We believe this may be another symptom of whatever syndrome we are trying to define or understand which may have much more control of our own minds than we have.

        Anyways, this has gotten rather longer than you might have anticipated so we shall try to leave off this missive and give you time to respond.

        We hope you remain enthusiastic about corresponding.

        Enjoy!
        love, Grigori Rho Gharveyn, etc. et al…

        whoops! we almost missed a more specific answer to your question about ritual abuse, perhaps a psychological blind spot or potential trigger distracted us from it as part of a defense mechanism.

        We end our story about our childhood where we begin to suspect ritual abuse might surface.

        According to our mother our father practiced strange rituals to conceive us with the goal of ensuring we would be born with the soul of an alien from another planet.

        We begin to believe we were later subject to some sort of ritual abuse but we have learned to mistrust our memories; we wish to be cautious of exploring this topic because of the potential to create false memories.

        We are not currently speaking with our mom; our dad passed some time late in the 80’s or early 90’s, so we really have no reliable sources for reference.

        Our dad did agree with our mother’s account of our conception with some reservation or hesitation, but he had converted to Islam by then and refused to discuss matters from his old life that might now be considered haram.

        Along our way were inducted into a satanic cult, but that was age 16 or so, much later than when we think we may have participated in potentially traumatic rituals, which, (if such really happened) seems to us to belong around age 8 or 9.

        What we have to say about our life then is an incredible and terrible account in itself, an account not yet entered in our childhood tales…

        Ciao for now, love, Gia Rho

        Whoof!
        Just got this. In a sense, our bullying was a ritual, and it was abuse, does that fit somehow?

        Adios, no, really!

        Erm, someone says to mention this: our girlfriend, Tina, a health care professional of sorts, says some of our ‘symptoms’ present like Asperger’s syndrome.

        Reply
  59. Hello!!! I am so glad to have found you. I’ve been looking for someone just like you~ a highly functioning bipolar-er. It’s a pleasure to meet you and I will be following your blog. You are not alone.

    Reply
  60. Am a brand new follower. I applaud your willingness to be open. Look forward to reading more!

    Reply
    • Welcome to my world, Sharon! One of the interesting things about being on the Autistic Spectrum is that my internal editor doesn’t work very well, which makes for interesting reading sometimes. Take care! I must visit your blog soon.

      Reply
  61. Great blog–thoughtful, sensitive, and information loaded. You may pull a book out of this. Regards, Catherine (http://randomstoryteller.com)

    Reply
    • Thanks, Catherine! It is, in part, a kind of reliquary for things I want to put in books. Animal stories, pure memoir (that’s mostly in another blog and draft going on 100,000 wds oh my). Thanks so much for reading and kind words–Laura

      Reply
  62. Thank you so much for opening up.You have touched me as a person more then you know.

    Reply
  63. This is just my 30th day being here on WordPress,
    And i discovered one of the rarer Gifts for myself and that is this page.
    “Bipolar for life”,
    Truly Inspired and moved !!
    Once again i would like to say, “Internet is the biggest blessing, we ever had”,
    Otherwise, i will never be able to feel your story.

    I don’t know what more to say, my any comment will turn out a ‘Mediocre’ in front of your post,
    So at this moment i can appreciate and appreciate it again and again.

    Cheers !!

    Reply
  64. Thanks for your interest, Kristy. I don’t do guest posts. Wishing you good luck and success!

    Reply
  65. Hey Laura,

    I’ve named you in a chain post/award that I’ve been included in. Have a look and pay it forward!

    http://thebipolarbum.com/2014/06/10/very-inspiring-blogger-award/

    All the best,
    H&J

    Reply
    • Thank you so much for thinking of me, H&J! I don’t “do” chain/award thingies, but I really do appreciate your thinking of me. Take care, be well, and I’m looking forward to your next post!

      Love and blessing,
      L

      Reply
  66. woundstofeel

     /  August 4, 2014

    woundstofeel has nominated you for a Very Inspiring Blogger Award! http://woundstofeel.wordpress.com/2014/08/04/very-inspiring-blogger-award/

    Reply
    • Hi, thank you so much for the nomination! I am truly touched 🙂

      I have to tell you, I don’t have time to do the award tasks, but I am touched nonetheless. Be well, take care, and again, thank you!

      Reply
  67. sorry to leave this for you here, but i have gone thru a really rough patch myself, and am not at all sure it is anywhere near over yet. i have tried the route of asking for help from the crash from the depakote from my outpatient doc, and went to the hospital, only to have an even more difficult time. i am not sure where i will land or how this will work out, but i consider you a very dear and good friend, and wanted to let you know i may be away from the blog world for awhile…or longer.

    Reply
    • Wow, Kat, I’m just getting around to comments that people left around the time of my father’s death (October 2, 2014). Up until his death I was totally focused on him, and now I’m embroiled in grief work…thanks so much for writing, and is the wonderful world of brain disease treating you any better? We’ve been in touch since this post, but I still want to know how you are.

      Reply
      • actually, i felt good for the last while. hopeful even, maybe happy. but am having a little set back with my daughter, pushing me back. this is very difficult at the moment. very detrimental to my newfound feelings of wellness. not sure how to work it out.

        i am very glad to hear from you too, glad to see you are still here in in this reality we share.

        Reply
  68. Hi Laura!!

    I have just nominated you and your blog for the Wonderful Team Member Readership Award. You can find out about the award here: http://bipolarandbreastless.wordpress.com/2014/09/04/wonderful-team-member-readership-award/

    With love and respect,
    Kathy

    Reply
    • Hi Kathy, I don’t remember the last time we were in touch. This comment from you came one month before my dad died. I was literally living in the nursing home with him then, going home to sleep, but there the rest of the time. It was a very precious time for both of us, and I feel good about his leaving, although I miss him terribly. How are you doing these days?

      I don’t “do” awards but I am very touched that you nominating me and my blog for it!

      Love ya,

      Laura

      Reply
  69. I really like how you talk about wanting to know what happens at the end of your life movie. It resonates well with me, even though at times my own movie is so terrible that I don’t think it could possibly have any redeeming features in the final act. But I’ll stick around to see how it goes, at worst I’ll have wasted a lifetime for nothing – but at best at least I will know how it ends!

    Reply
    • Eek, how did I manage to miss your comment for months! Oh….I just looked at the date. My dad died two days before, on the 2nd of October 2014, and I guess I was not thinking about my blog or anything else about that time. I hope your movie gets better. Mine is not so good. I don’t know what’s going to be with me…..time will tell. Blessings……Laura

      Reply
  70. You have an incredible blog site. I just happened on it “by chance.” Just reading followers comments and your comments back interest me even more. I’m an NP (retired last year) who worked in psychiatry for many years, and I’ve taken on writing as the next career. Yes, I did have many clients diagnosed with Bipolar. Reading yours and others personal experience has helped me to understand it better. Thanks you!

    Reply
    • Thank you too! I think the comments are definitely the best part. I hope you stop by my blogger buddies’ places and find some new and wonderful narrative and experiences. Looking forward to visiting your blog too. Be well and take care!

      Reply
      • Just an added comment. I’ve rewritten some pages on my blog site after reading some of yours! Honestly, I’m trying to be more “real” in writing, and have more fun! Hard being so left brain dominant and tied to detail! Thanks again!

        Reply
        • Have you done NaNoWrimo? I won it 3yearsin a row and it helped bust loose from a bunch o crap that i was very precious about, but were not doing any good. Good luck, i’ll stop by you blog and, well, you know, read it,

          Reply
  71. Thanks for your comment. I thought about the NaNoWrimo challenge, but decided to spend the time keeping up with the writing. I’m a coauthor for one of the books and that’s a slower write. The primary narrator is 85 years old and lives in Switzerland. The back and forth communication is all part of the writing process, but slows it down. My personal book writing goes a lot faster. I know what you say about that kind of a challenge, just free write about everything sad and happy,don’t look back, and don’t stop until the bell rings!

    Reply
  72. Hey Laura,

    I am looking getting a psychiatric service dog and Ruby mentioned that you have one. I am curious about the experience of these dogs. If you feel like sharing that would be fantastic!

    Reply
    • I’m so glad you’re getting a PSD! I have had one since 1997 (not the same one all the time, as the first two have since died) and except for one four year period of time when I felt I didn’t need one (wrong) I have always had my furry angel to help keep me right-side-up. If, for instance, I am having a flashback and Noga isn’t barking, I know that nobody is there and it’s a flashback, so I cuddle her up and wait for it to pass while she licks my face.

      PSDs are always owner-trained so be careful of charlatans who will charge you huge amounts of money for a dog that MIGHT be basic obedience trained, or might not. I know many people who have found a rescue dog who turned out to be a great PSD.

      I recommend joining the Golden Paws Service Dog list. If you do, please tell Diane the admin/list owner that I referred you.

      If you have specific questions that I might be able to help you with, please ask.

      There are several service dog training groups on Facebook, but you really have to watch out because many of the members are not experienced with dogs or training, and one could get lost and perhaps make a mistake that’s hard to fix.

      I look forward to hearing about your angel on paws! One last thing is that just like two people are not always compatible, so it is with dogs and people. Live with your pup for a couple of weeks and if you’re not seriously bonded and psychically tuned in by then, back she goes, and if you’ve bought her, you should make sure you can get a full refund if it doesn’t work out for any reason whatsoever. If the seller refuses these terms, don’t buy the dog!!!!!

      Make sure the price includes shots up to date (don’t risk losing your angel to parvovirus or any of the common doggy preventable illnesses), spay/neuter unless you’re prepared to handle an intact canine, which requires a lot of experience, and basic obedience training (sit, stay, down, come)….ok, I’ll shut up now…topic close to my heart!

      Reply
  73. I’ve nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award. I know it’s basically chain mail, which I hate, but this is kind of soft and fluffy. https://coffeedrinker2.wordpress.com/2015/01/30/versatile-blogger-nomination-pass-it-forward/

    Reply
    • Hi Coffee Drinker! Thanks so much for the award. I really appreciate the wonderfulness that led you to nominate me. I don’t “do” awards, but I love the kindness and caring that go into selecting people to give them to. There’s one that I do have in my sidebar, the Warrior Child award, that comes from the Mental Health Writers’ Guild. You have to be a Guild member to give it. It does not come with any “tasks” or “pass it on” things you have to do–just join the Guild, which is a very good thing to do anyway! Thanks again–Laura

      Reply
      • Thanks for that Laura, I get not doing ‘awards’ I think it may be a sensible way to go.
        This was more about me wanting to acknowledge your blog on my site really.
        I think affiliating myself with a single organisation would be a good idea at some point.
        All the best.

        Reply
  74. Hi Laura 🙂 If you’d like it, there’s a VBA for you here: https://aspernauts.wordpress.com/2015/02/02/versatile-blogger-award/

    Reply
  75. Hi my friend
    Thru my illness I forgot I’m Writing for Mental Health. I understand only another member can present the award. Will you keep me in mind the next time you give out awards. Thanks.
    Take care
    🙂

    Reply
    • Uh oh, I forgot what that one means/is. I’ve sort of dropped off the face of the earth lately, very triggered (I’m going to try to write about it tonight if I can get it together). If you mean the Blogging for Mental Health thing, that’s through Canvas of the Minds and all you have to do is go there and find the post, “take the pledge” (which I did not do this year because I’m too ornery), copy the badge and there you go. If it’s something else, send me the link and I’ll try to figure it out–no guarantees though, as I’m over the top not doing so hot right now…

      Reply
      • No problem, take care and don’t worry about. Are you ok, like ok or just really down and thinking a bit crazy? Maybe a good night sleep would help instead of writing while in the middle of the trauma.
        Say everything out of love
        Hugs
        M

        Reply
        • No, I am actually doing a very important training that I will write about soon. It has to do with something that will ultimately help me cope better with Complex PTSD, but I had no idea how hard it would trigger me and the extent to which I dissociated took me completely by surprise. I’m finally coming down now, 7 hours later, not entirely back in my body but time to take meds and go to bed anyway. A nice thunderstorm outside which for some reason makes me feel safe. Go figure. Thanks for your sweet caring concern ((hugs))

          Reply
  76. Johnny Oxydol

     /  August 9, 2015

    I am just now becoming more acquainted with your writings Dr. Schulman, and I have already been enriched by the little that I have read of you tonight. I find myself nodding in recognition, having experienced some of the things you have mentioned, I once thought I was in fact, bi-polar however after submitting myself to various physicians, that was ruled out with the explanation “Johnny? You simply think too much and your mind never gets enough down time”. That was almost 30 years ago, however my own personal experiences convince me that my mind works in unorthodox ways, which to some professionals might suggest emotional illness, I have always had an almost morbid fascination with the unknown, the “what’s behind that door” meme which started in childhood. It drives me even now. Enough rambling for tonight. I will be exploring your writings in the days to come and I thank you sincerely for sharing them with everyone.

    Reply
    • Oh, Johnny, you are probably a scientist or a writer. Wanting to know what’s behind every door is the spirit of inquiry, and that is the razor’s edge that tiptoes us between genius and madness, as Kay Redmond Jamison described in her excellent book on the same topic, “Touched With Fire.” That book was a terrific eye opener for me, connecting lots of dots. Unfortunately, I read it (actually, my shrink lent it to me) after I had already wrecked my entire life and was left contemplating the absurdity of my existence, perched atop a burning pile of manure that was the stinking remnant of my life. Anyway, thank you for enjoying my lack of tact in oh so many areas…Good to have you on board!

      Reply
  77. What a powerful story! I see this from the other side, as I work in mental health. I am looking forward to reading more. Thank you! This is such an important story to share. I am happy that I came upon you. The blogging world is an amazing place.

    Reply
  78. Laura : Thank you for liking my blog post ‘Writing a Memoir: What are the Benefits? So glad you connected so that I could visit your blog and read about your life. I went through a grim time with depression a few years ago and couldn’t work for a couple of years so I do have some idea about mental suffering, although I’m not bipolar. I am now quite well- thank you God (Jehovah Rapha- the God who heals). I do believe my faith helped me, although I am not going to say there are easy answers, and of course, not everyone is fortunate enough to recover. But keep writing your memoir because I strongly believe that writing is therapeutic and helps us spiritually and emotionally.
    “The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace.”

    Reply
    • The Kohanic Blessing. Powerful medicine, in the right place, the right time, the right people. I’m so glad you are healed from the Black Dog. May you remain so, and in all things!

      Reply
  79. You’re so brave and inspiring. And I love it that you refused to give up on your life. Keep going.

    Reply
  80. Thank you, Johnny. As long as you are not suffering and experiencing no psychic pain, it’s wonderful to think “out of the box.”

    Reply
  81. Hey! I hope you are doing great. I wanted to ask you for a favor. My younger sister is pursuing her masters in Psychology, and she is currently taking a course called Neuropsychology. For that, she needs to do a case study of someone who has faced, and conquered bipolar disorder. As a welcome coincidence, I stumbled upon your blog. If you are comfortable about that, kindly shoot me an e-mail at shashank.maurya2020@gmail.com. I can connect you with her. Thanks in advance.

    Reply
  82. Hello,

    I’ve nominated you for the “Be Thankful” Challenge. If you accept you will find the details here:

    http://robertmgoldstein.com/2015/10/16/the-be-thankful-challenge/

    Reply
    • Hey Rob, thanks so much! I normally can’t manage awards because of the tasks. I’ll take a look a this, though, as soon as I get some internet access. I’m stuck in NoWhereVille, NC, where I can’t even get DSL because “all the DSL slots are already taken,” which means someone has to move or die for me to get internet. OK, it will give me even more incentive to get the fuck out of here.

      Reply
    • Plus which, I need to tell you that I’m very thankful that you’re one of my internet buddies!

      Reply
  83. Brave. That’s my take 🙂

    Reply
  84. Amanda

     /  November 2, 2015

    I love this blog! My husband has been a very successfully treated Bipolar patient for more than 15 years now. I came across this when searching out case histories on wrongful termination in relation to being Bipolar. He has always taken his medications and has never had any major episodes since his initial one. Any person that knows him is always surprised to even find out that his has Bipolar disorder. A week ago he requested to leave for a doctor’s appointment and would be back at work to finish out the day. When he brought back the requested doctor’s note his boss looked at the header on it and asked wait, you have to see a psychiatrist? Why? My husband told him yes he does, that he has been treated for Bipolar disorder for many years without any issues and that he mainly has to see the doctor a an appointment that lasts maybe 10 minutes every few months in order to get his medication refills. A day and a half later he was terminated with absolutely no cause given, and the doctor’s note was sitting on the desk of his boss as they fired him. Before this point he had been praised on what a great job he had been doing in this position. We should hear back from the attorney we have contacted tomorrow once he reviews the termination documents including the doctor’s note but we have been told that it appears that we have a strong case.

    Reply
    • Wow. That SO sucks. After the case is litigated in your favor, I’d like to see you interviewed. If you want, I’ll be happy to interview you as a freelance piece, but I’m hoping the Wall Street Journal picks it up on its own. Good luck and please keep me posted. Do you mind if I write a post about this?

      Reply
      • Amanda

         /  November 5, 2015

        That would be fine. Of course for now we have to attain some anonymity as the employer has no idea that we are preparing to fight them on this. The first lawyer it turns out said we have a strong case but that his docket is currently full. My husband then called a lawyer he was referred to as well as a couple of others and now it appears this was fortunate because one of the most respected lawyers in the city is eager to take this case on. Not only that, but the other two lawyers returned our messages and told us that if for some reason this lawyer doesn’t work out they would love to represent us! Our first sit down meeting will be this Tuesday, I will certainly give an update to how that goes!

        Reply
  85. Yes, please keep me updated. I think that if it’s all right with you, I’d like to hold off writing anything until you have your case litigated. It will certainly fall out in your favor. Then I would love to write a piece for Huff Post. How does that strike you?

    Reply
    • Amanda

       /  November 14, 2015

      I am in shock and awe at that, we are huge fans of Huff Post. In a small town we are amazed that this could garner this level of attention. We met with the lawyer yesterday (we had to push back the meeting date to then due to limited funds due to this and needing to drive an hour to it). The lawyer we met with went over all the details to confirm the circumstances and how everything played out timeline wise. Once that was done they confirmed that they want to go ahead with a lawsuit and after going over all the terms of retaining them and we signed all the documents they asked us to including requests for his medical history from the psychiatrist, the unemployment claim, and his employment records from the employer. We also gave them all the information they could use as proof of his long record of stability including his length as a very successful EMT (I was his EMS supervisor when we met) and even being employed as a mental health associate being in charge of patients at an inpatient mental facility with them knowing his history up front with a recommendation from his psychiatrist who is a medical director. We also found out yesterday after that meeting that the employer is not going to try to fight the unemployment claim (in which I wrote the claim out myself and included what occurred) but in the response they claimed that within a probationary period he did not perform to their satisfaction. This was beyond ridiculous of course. He took over as the only service writer for an auto dealership after they had decided to replace a very incompetent person that had been there in that job for a year. The person that had been in that position had no knowledge of cars and things had gone beyond out of control. When he took the job my husband found that mechanics had been ordering their own parts with no concern to cost and had been ordering only the most expensive parts without checking out alternatives. One of the first policies that was made after he took the position was that the ordering of parts could only go through him or his supervisor when he brought this to their attention, saving the business thousands of dollars in his first month alone. Another thing he realized looking at invoices was that they were being gouged on the prices for auto paint. Once he saw this he took the initiative to shop around other suppliers then presented the situation with the best supplier he had found to his higher ups. They sat down with the supplier that he had found and immediately changed to them, savings of over 80% and potentially hundreds of dollars in savings for each order that they will enjoy for now on . Additionally with his mechanical knowledge he realized that mechanics had been severely milking the clock on jobs, a job that should take only 2 hours would take 3 days in some cases as the mechanics were paid on active jobs. He not only brought this problem to the attention of those above him,he also suggested a solution of a system of mechanics clocking in an out of job tickets which would not only track the true time of how long a job would take but how well they were performing. Does THIS sound like poor performance? NO! When we let the lawyer know about this he laughed as this was the only poor excuse they could try to come up with. He had been frequently complimented on what a great job he had been doing there. The lawyer wants to draw up the papers to present them with the initial steps for a suit by the end of this month. They are going to push for the level of emotional damage as well of course. Never in my life have I ever had an issue with my blood pressure but I ended up in the emergency room a week ago after a my blood pressure started spiking culminating with a 175/115 level in which I knew I could not exactly ignore. I tried to go to urgent care first to avoid the hospital but they immediately sent me to the ER. I am now on medication (Enalapril 5 mg starting dose) but I can’t get below 144/100 on that. So of course I imagine when I get a day to go into a family doctor office (I begged my boss for every hour I could work and just finished my 6th day in a row in the pharmacy I work in) that I will have to have an increased dosage or a secondary medication to try to get this under control now. So now not only is this threatening my health but my liver as well potentially as that is always a possible issue when taking a medication like this. I will keep you updated as each stage of this progresses!

      Reply
  86. You’d better get to your doctor and get that taken care of! As I used to say to my pediatric patients’ parents when they didn’t take care of themselves because they were working themselves to the bone caring for their children–if you kick off or God forbid have a stroke, who will be there for your husband? Get thee to the doctor.

    Reply
  87. Hi

    Thank you so much for finding my blog and liking a few posts. Hope you come back again soon

    Reply
  88. Hello Laura, I am so pleased that you found my blog through Ilex because I have now found yours. My mother was Jewish but she and my whole family were brought up as Anglicans so I have an sort of understanding for your comment about being religious by choice. But there is an ambivalence within me that I have tried to express in a story I wrote some time ago. And I would dearly love you to read it. http://wp.me/p5rgVm-7
    I had been reading a book by Yael Dayan called “Dust” and I woke up in the middle of the night and got up and wrote it straight down and without any editing. But I think it is one story that I am most proud of. And thank you for all your comments. I am looking forward to reading more of your blog but I will start at the beginning and goo from there.

    Reply
    • Oh, if your mother was Jewish then you yourself are Jewish. It goes by maternal line, because raiding by enemies and conquerors has always been a problem, so the origin of the father was not always clear.

      It’s good to see you here! Any friend of Ilex’s is a friend of mine. Even if he stands upside down.

      I will certainly read your story! Looking very forward.

      Uhhhhh….reading my blog from the beginning…whew. I don’t think I could do that. I look at old posts occasionally, and it scares me to death. Plus, it’s been accumulating for over four years. Yikes.

      I’m sitting in front of my Hanukkah lights as I write this. With all luck, tomorrow I will write a post about the special mysteries of Hanukkah, with plenty of photos! With any luck, that is.

      Lehitraot (Bye),

      Laura

      Reply
  89. I love what you have written here, straight from the soul guided with the love of the heart. It has only been in the last few months that I have admitted and accepted that the idea of ‘recovery’ from what life has given me would leave a big gaping hole of nothingness. That acceptance and the choice to carry on with my perspective on the world really is no different from another as it is merely a perspective on any given day. And as you say, may as well stick around to see how it shakes out. We will all receive the gift of death one day no matter what we see, think or feel about life. The light does shine and I still feel joy and bliss at times and now realize that it is all exactly as intended. I applaud your honesty and you are an articulate and interesting writer. I have been enlightened just by this page alone and look forward to reading more from you, thank you.

    Reply
    • Thank you so much! Many of my views have changed since I wrote this four years ago. I am no longer religious, I no longer trust that life is good for its own sake. I am worn out, beaten down, sick, exhausted. I hope your life continues to have many bright moments!

      Reply
      • I’m sorry, not knowing what your head is going to do each day is exhausting. Please be gentle and kind to yourself. I am not religious but I am spiritual. I don’t see that religion or spirituality deals at all with mental illness, anywhere, ever, so we ad-lib. That can leave us feeling left out in the cold. You are in my good thoughts. Take care.

        Reply
  90. Hey, Dr. Schulman: I don’t know where to send you some info (I think after 2 links WordPress automatically tosses a comment into the moderation dungeon) on writing markets, so for now at least, I’ll place it here. First up, Barking Sycamores is a literary magazine featuring neurodivergent writers: https://barkingsycamores.wordpress.com/submission-guidelines/current-call-for-submissions/
    Second, and I’ve read that you’re living in an RV (glad to see you weathered the NC storms successfully; I’ve lived in the places you’ve visited lately, and they were not so bad seen through the lens of childhood, but when I went back many years later, just passing through, they seemed terribly poverty-ridden. It was disconcerting, to say the least. There’s some good people out there, though, artisans and the like. You might like Malaprop’s bookstore in Asheville, NC, if you’re still nearby), but perhaps you can stop in at a library and check out the latest Writer’s Market (put out by Writer’s Digest), they have many different incarnations, like, I think, for magazines, for short stories/literary, for screenwriters, etc. Your life, as I’ve read it here on the blog . . . wow, would make an awesome movie, if difficult to make. Anyway, WM will list (sorry, but my copy’s not recent; it’s like 2007 or 2009), if they still format it the same way, lots of “pet” or “animal” markets like Dog Fancy and so forth. There might be a Malinois-specific journal or magazine as well that would enjoy your and Atina’s story, maybe the AKC Gazette **which usually holds a [fiction] short story competition about this time of year about purebred dogs or dogs in general,** but I’m not having much luck in finding whether they have a 2016 contest. It looks like it might be defunct. Also check into the Dog Writers Assoc. of America (https://dogwriters.org/writing-categories/); newspapers and magazines [and at least 1 book-based award] receive cash awards/recognition from them for different stories they’ve published. If you get to a place that you’re staying with your RV, like Tucson, etc., then maybe you can put down roots (if so desired) and see if any of the local newspapers need a pet columnist. Go to the Petsmart, Petco, and vets’ offices or shelters/rescues around and they might have free publications on hand and/or be able to tell you of some. If you have good Internet capabilities and firewalls, etc., I highly recommend a monthly Duotrope subscription at $5. Among other things, they send you a weekly e-newsletter, usu. Sunday, I believe, telling you of all the upcoming deadlines for contests and calls for submissions, as well as the theme, then through your subscription, you can check particulars on each magazine, journal, anthology, or publication (such as, the percent of author submissions accepted, circulation, average wait time, whether they pay, and so on). Hope this gives you at least a decent start! Also, if you google something like “writing for pets” or “dog writing” or “writing about pets/dogs,” etc., you’ll probably come up with some, that of course you’ll have to use your judgment and see how legit they are (links provided, etc.). In general, you don’t want to pay to enter something, unless it’s known to you and/or a reputable long-standing pub like The Paris Review, Glimmer Train, etc. Sometimes, when you pay an entry fee, it’s nice that they offer a critique and/or a subscription to said magazine. Anyway, best of luck, and, again, hope this helps!

    Reply
    • Addenda: I find an AKC photo contest, if you have any photos (that you have taken or otherwise own the copyright to), must be PM’d (post-marked) by Jan. 31, 2016: http://www.akc.org/pubs/family-dog/photo-contest/rules/

      Still nothing on their fiction contest is coming up yet, though. I guess it may have been discontinued in 2014 or so.

      Reply
    • Hi Leigh,

      Thank you so very much for all the amazing research and suggestions!

      My chief problem is that due to my various mental illnesses, I somehow find myself with a terrible paralysis when it comes to submitting my writing. This is nuts because in my younger days, I won all kinds of prizes and successfully funded my six year dual degree program with grants, have edited three books, and for the life of me I just can’t bring myself to submit my work.

      In fact, in order to have a rejection letter suitable for framing, I did submit a piece to the New Yorker, knowing that I would have my letter.

      I have had a number of things published in online journals, mostly through the kindness of friends who submitted them for me. I guess I need an agent!

      I’ve lived in Western NC on and off since 1998. My father was a prominent feature at Penland School of Crafts. It’s more diverse now than it was. Asheville has become a cultural center, a destination in itself.

      Unless you’d like to be my agent (only half kidding), I think what I’ll do eventually is to put together a few collections and self publish on Amazon via BookBaby. I have my CD on CDBaby and they’ve done a good job. I also have a memoir and a novel in progress, almost finished. New blog journal for the Roadtrek journey will go up soon. For that, motivation is necessary.

      You can email me at moxadox at gmail.

      And please call me Laura!

      Blessings,

      Laura

      Reply
      • I don’t know much about it, but apparently (Dame) Maggie Smith is starring in an upcoming movie about a woman traveling via RV, so, as I said, that aspect of your life is very ‘marketable,’ and you can of course point to your oodles of academic-writing (and kind of adjunct writing like grants and vitae and the like). And, no, I’m nowhere near qualified to be an agent. I’m more of a pointer to more information, somewhat akin to a research librarian, but for writers, I guess you could say. Copyediting, proofreading, and fact-checking, though, I’m your woman! 🙂 You might like to check into Christina Katz (I have one of her books, Writer Mama, which is quite good) as a writing coach; I don’t think she does agenting, but I’ve followed and read her for years, and she’s very encouraging and professional. Don’t know her fees, but I feel confident that she’s ‘worth it,’ whatever they are. I’m putting your e-mail address into my memory/address/reminder book, Laura. Thank you, and blessings to you and Atina as well. [I’m at wordsmithery[dot]email{at}gmail[dot]com, by the way]

        Reply
  91. Hi Samina, thank you so much for the award! I’m afraid I can’t do it, though. I have an aversion to the things you have to do, in these awards. I only have one, and it’s one you don’t have to do anything for. I have another one that I’m too triggered to even copy her graphic! I haven’t brought this issue up in therapy yet..maybe I should…But thank you: know that I appreciate your heart, and I cherish your gift.

    Reply
  92. Hello,

    I’ve nominated you for the “Champion Award”.

    To find out more click here: http://wp.me/p47Ymh-3iU

    As usual, if you are award free accept this nomination as a token of my appreciation…

    Reply
  93. I’m reading your comments here and see you’ve been nominated for a number of awards, including the duplicate I’m linking here. 🙂 I think that speaks well to the work you’re putting out there. Thank you for your truth. More people need to hear that.

    I’ve nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award. You can read about it at https://riddlefromthemiddle.com/2016/01/31/versatile-blogger-award-two/. This my way of saying I love your work; there is no obligation. If you’re unable to do the post, just know that I enjoy visiting your blog and wanted to share it on mine. Peace.

    Reply
  94. Thank you so, so much for the honor! I can’t do awards, but I’m really touched that you thought of me ❤❤❤

    Reply
  95. Thank you so much! I’m honored that you thought of me. I’m not in shape for doing awards, but I sure am touched by knowing you value my work. Many blessings to you and yours–Laura

    Reply
  96. Hi Laura, I’m answering here because I haven’t said anything to my son. I had an MRI done after my concussion which showed that I’d probably had a tiny stroke sometime in the past. So they did an ultrasound of my carotid a and an echocardiogram which showed what they thought may be the case a PFO. My stepdad is a cardio thoracic surgeon at Columbia Presbyterian and I called him and he’ll call me back tomorrow. I’m fine. I think it’ll be taken care of and I will be fine. Love and hugs. PS: I wish I lived in the old days with good doctors!!!

    Reply
  97. Much respect for the realness!!!

    Reply
  98. WOW!!!..I love just how open you are about your life and struggle ..I also suffer from depression and bipolar and well I don’t know what all they have put in my file lol..maybe that is best lol..
    I want to thank you for the follow as well ..I hope we get a chance to talk more and I look so forward to read more from you..
    Thank you again and speak soon …
    Suzette

    Reply
  99. Sharonda Creecy

     /  July 21, 2016

    This is wonderful information. I love it! I too suffer from bi polar disorder amoung other disorders. Mr dr recently weote me a letter yo aquire a psd. Im actually looking for one now. I found a potentially good match.
    I really hope this will help. I cany go in grocery store, malls and sometimes I can’t pull out of my driveway!

    Reply
  100. Hi Sharonda, I hope you get your PSD! Do be very careful, as there are a lot of crooks out there selling fake “service dogs.” There are a couple of great SD groups on Facebook as well as the Golden Paw list. Knowledge is power, and Lord knows we need all of that we can get!!! Good luck on your PSD journey, and I hope, with your canine angel by your side, that you’ll be able to get out and about🐕🐶🐩

    Reply
  101. I’m no dazzling professor either. But earlier this year like you, I did choose life….. Look forward to reading your posts 🙂

    Reply
    • Hi Pieces! Good to see you here. Be sure to use the handrail as you climb aboard…sometimes the road gets pretty rough. I’m glad you chose life. My philosophy is, one can always go ahead and die. That’s almost always an option. Another choice is to see what happens next in this life, knowing that we do have options. It’s like having permission to live in this very free head space: I don’t HAVE to stay here. I can walk right out that door. Now what else is in this room? Let’s go see.

      Reply
      • Yes! That’s exactly it! I got to a point where I said – stop dragging this misery out and make a decision. Live, or die. 3 hours later I decided I was curious to see what tomorrow would bring. And if I just did it slowly, one day at time, I could always change the decision. For about 2 months I took a photo of every morning’s sunrise in celebration of another yesterday survived. I’m in a better place now and am happy to be alive. I love your comment, thank you so much for sharing your philosophy 🙂

        Reply
  102. Thank you for liking one of my comments elsewhere – it gave me the chance to come read in your blog, and I’m happy to have done so 🙂 It’s interesting, I used to have a similarly titled blog (mine was “Life with Bipolar”) … I look forward to reading more in here, maybe there a few more things we have in common!

    Choosing to live is the right choice – even when you are at your most doubtful or desperate – we are all worth the effort this choice sometimes requires.

    Reply
    • Hi Owl, thanks for flying in 😉

      The jury is still out on how long I will manage to choose life. It’s crazy that I just now only found out that Rhonda had departed. If you search in my blog, you will find an interview that I did with her about her daughter’s death. I knew she lived in terrible pain, but frankly never imagined that she herself would suicide.

      I understand where Blah was coming from. She, like I, had zero support outside of online life. Many of us manage like that…for some, there comes a point where the struggle to simply trudge from one painful moment to the next, year after year, treatment after treatment, med upon med, years and years of therapy…it just becomes too much. I understand that. And I’m grateful that at least for now, I can appreciate beauty in the world, have my lovely dog who adores me, and so it goes, for now. I have adopted a policy of not making promises. The future is such a tenuous thing.

      Reply
  103. I am so grateful to have stumbled into your glorious and spectacular world. I love you already! Bipolar Anonymous

    Reply
  104. Hello Dr. Schulman. I hope this finds you doing well. It has been some time. I have been away from blogging while pursuing other passions.

    I am now re-connecting with long-standing followers to announce a new endeavor.

    I have now transformed my blog into the website “Delight in Disorder: Faith & Mental Illness” (delightindisorder.org). As a man of faith with over 25 years of “lived experience with bipolar disorder,” my goal is to share hope with others who have troubled minds and shatter stigma through stories.

    I hope you will join me there.

    Take care & God bless,
    Tony

    Reply
  105. So good to have found you again!! We met by WordPress when I was The Taxi Dog. We both have stories to tell about renewal and survival. Some day I’ll get you updated on mine. Here’s a short version: another three months in the hospital, learning that my wife is beginning to experience dementia, moving ourselves into .an assisted-living residence. Short-and-sweet. You know how those things go.
    As a dyed-in-the-wool survivor (I have a lifetime supply of Woollex), I’m blogging again. Now about, you should pardon the expression, the psychosocial aspects of aging. Back in the day, I was a pretty good wordsmith! Maybe we’ll talk. I would be nice.
    I’m at http://www.LeageOfGrey.wordpress.com.
    Be well.
    Jonah

    Reply
  106. Hey, thanks, Rob, I am genuinely honored.

    Reply
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