Chocolate. More chocolate! Gluten free. And….medicated!
Yes, I tried a piece hot out of the oven. I need the medicine, and the chocolate doesn’t hurt. It’s medicinal, too, after all.
The wind is kicking up a ruckus outside with the kinds of cactus that blow around so they can stick in your dog’s feet the next day. It contributes in a bad way to my current state of ultra-ultra-ultra rapid cycling, punctuated by a few episodes of the dreaded mixed state.
I used to take Seroquel for this. I’m not sure it broke the cycle, but at least it knocked me out so I could get a break from it. But I started getting very bad neurologic side effects from the Seroquel, and had to stop it. Some of the nervous system damage has turned out to be permanent, so there’s no way I’m going to try any other drugs in that class (atypical antipsychotics). So in a word, I’m fucked.
But there’s a Lone Ranger on the horizon…I hope.
I have been so remiss in writing here that I can’t remember what I’ve told you. Here, I’ll recap:
Spine pain got bad, had lots of consults, results: spinal arthritis, many collapsed discs, moderate spinal stenosis, and…drumroll…five vertebrae are filled with a benign tumor. It’s benign, because it doesn’t metastasize, but it’s locally destructive. And I have it in my liver, and god knows where else.
There are other joints in this pity party. None of them are smokeable.
Which brings us to The Point:
I began using medical cannabis over a year ago. It takes my spine and joint pain from “all-encompassing, intrusive, consuming” all the way down to, “OK, I can definitely feel this, and I think I’ll do the laundry and walk the dog now.”
That’s the difference. Of course, I use a special strain of cannabis (PennyWise) that is engineered to have analgesic, anti-inflammatory properties while not being overly psychoactive. I can get things done, and I’m not constantly going, “Ouch! Shit! Fuck! Damn!” and so on. Like, right now my thorax is aching and so is my neck and shoulders, but I’m not paralyzed by it. Nevertheless, I am going to stop writing all hunched up, and go light my Hanukkah menorah. Sixth night.