Nah, not nearly as much fun as it sounds.
After an exhausting week of visiting with my mother, who is teetering on the brink of needing a higher level of care; and adding eight additional hours to my eventual western trajectory in order to see my son, possibly for the last time (and he was clearly taking time out from his busy life), you can imagine that I might be a leetle bit tired.
And I am. Only I’m not just a leetle tired: I’m exhausted, beat, and laid up.
The combined stress sent me into a pain crisis of such proportions that all I could do was try to find a more comfortable position in which to writhe and moan, which didn’t help. Nothing helped. Now, at last, the pain has mostly blown over, but the muscle weakness that has been plaguing me is very much cramping my style. (Haha, “cramping,” get it? I got it. Anywhere muscles are found, cramps also.)
I’m dropping my keys and everything else I try to hold (note to self: avoid hot liquids!) I’m having trouble with the gas cap. I absolutely could not manage to get the hood on my Sprinter van up today (I needed to put some Diesel Exhaust Fluid in), so I propped the fucking thing open with something else and poured the fluid in quick. This does not bode well for my mobile lifestyle.
My neurosurgeon thinks it’s MS. I think he’s right. Getting in to see a proper neurologist is another story.
One problem is, it’s fucking hot on the East Coast, and it’s hot pretty much everywhere MS centers are found. And heat is killing, if you have MS. It’s sure killing me, I can attest. The heat index in the part of Hell where I am currently collapsed is 102°F. My muscles just won’t cooperate at these temperatures.
The last neurologist to whom my neurosurgeon referred me only responded to the referral letter after SIX MONTHS. By that time I was about 2,000 miles away. I did call several times, but they swore they hadn’t heard of me and wouldn’t offer me an appointment. They were the only MS practice in Arizona who were taking new patients…I guess they were waiting for somebody to die and open up a spot.
My strategy now is to locate an MS treatment center through the advocacy group, secure an appointment, and go there. Anywhere! (Maybe Alaska? At least it’s cool there…)
I just wish I could fly….fly, fly!