Sick Day

Wouldn’t you know it.

I have had a maintenance appointment for my van this morning, but….

I’ve been feeling weird for a few days.  Had an “upset stomach” last week, treated with Imodium and cannabis tincture, got OK in a few hours.

Past few days I’ve been seeing some blood in my stools, but that does happen now and then.  I’ve got Crohn’s Disease, after all.  Fortunately a mild case.  I’m grateful for that!

Last night I felt beat.  I chalked that up to long pleasant walks with My Girl Atina.  Had a simple dinner of soup and went to bed at eight.

I awakened at 6 with a start.  Freezing cold.  Well, it WAS freezing cold, since I am low on propane and had to triage between the gas fridge and the heater.  The fridge won.  So it was pretty damn cold this morning.

Suddenly I realized why I was awake at that ridiculous hour:  I needed the bathroom, and right now!

Fortunately my bathroom is right next to the bed, so I hopped in there….

Sorry to be gross, and I won’t be upset if you stop reading now.  In fact, I won’t even know if you stop reading now, so proceed at your own risk.

There is a certain vile stench that rises off of bloody stool.  Those who have smelled it know what I mean.

If I were not the kind of person who would rather die than puke, there would have been a terrible mess.

Imodium doesn’t stop this kind of thing.  Blood is very irritating to the digestive tract.  Imodium does seem to help the cramps and spasticity, so I use it.  I’m on my third.  Can’t take more than four a day.  As it is, after this episode has passed, my gut will be paralyzed.  I won’t crap for four or five days, at least, and then I might have a normal week or two. 

Now my belly is lying there on top of me all pooched out, full of borborygmi (oh God I love that word!  Borborygmus, singular; borborygmi, plural.  Def: bowel sounds that are audible with the naked ear)–in my case, audible across the room.

Last time, we had a little conversation about farts.  Remember?

Good.  Well, people, I know there are those among you who KNOW that dreadful feeling…is it really a fart?  Or is it…something else….

Yes, it certainly could be something else….let us get to the bathroom…quick….

Oh dear.

Let’s look on the bright side: at least I’m disabled, so I don’t have to worry about calling in sick.

But I just did call in sick to the mechanic!  Oh brother.

I’ve been halashing (that’s Jewish for “longing,” more or less) to do some volunteer work.  What I really want to do is to read aloud to little kids, homeless people, nursing home residents, people stuck in the damn hospital….anyone who wants to hear the magic of a book. 

To me, books are the most tangible evidence of humanity.  There is magic in the visual arts, but those could have been done by angels.  No angel could write a book.  They are too concrete, angels.  Come to think of it, an angel could never make good art.  You have to break the rules to make really good art.  Angels are programmed.  They can’t break the rules.

Ugh, my belly hurts.  Now I have to find my heat pack and put it in the microwave.  And burn some fucking incense.  Atina’s been licking her ass again.  The bathroom is stinking the place up.  God, I can’t wait till this blows over.

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  1. take it easy pal
    Sending you lite and love
    As always Sheldon

  2. hope you get better and don’t become anemic from blood loss. today must be bowel day as I had a few near scrapes myself. Luckily, I am getting better control and did shart myself. I knew better but man, that was one long train ride to get to a bathroom. Made it just in time. I feel your pain. Someone walked into the bathroom as it was public and left because of the smell. Sorry, have no control over that. I think some people think bathrooms are just for peeing.

  3. Sending hugs. Gentle ones though!

  4. Maybe you just need to have some hemorrhoids tied off? (been there, done that…)

  5. Laura, not s likable post, so no like clicked! Take care and get better. Sorry that you’re dealing with bad health along with all your other challenges! 💛 Elizabeth

  6. Josh Wrenn

     /  May 23, 2016

    Hope you feel better soon!

    • Thanks, Josh! How have you been?

      • Josh Wrenn

         /  May 23, 2016

        Up and down, but most assuredly more up in the last few days!

        • Up is a good direction, even if we don’t always get it.

          I was reading your post about dreaming about going back to work…oh boy do I hear you on that one. To me that’s the absolute worst thing about being sick: not being able to go back to work because just when I think I’m ready to dive back in, something else goes wrong. I have cursed all those lawmaker self satisfied types with every kind of painful and debilitating ailment. Of course THEIR drug plan doesn’t have a “donut hole” in it…I wish to hell they would all have to live on Social Security Disability and have wonderful Medicare, and not be allowed to use their personal assets as long as they are in office. I really think that’s the only fair way to go. Whaddya think of that?

  7. Call me crazy if you want, but I get a kick out of it when other people talk about poop. I must be an 8 year old boy (or a fellow member of the Crohn’s club). That smell you mention….there’s nothing quite like it. Makes polecats smell as pleasant as lavender!

    Sorry your guts are giving you grief. Does mesalamine or budesonide help you at all? I hope it passes quick, fast, and in a hurry! 🚀


    • The rocket cracks me up! At the moment I sound rather like one, although the smell is more like rotten eggs😝. Thank you for all the well wishes ❤😙

      I haven’t had those drugs for my guts. How do you take them for Crohn’s? I have kept my head firmly embedded in the sand regarding this part of me. I don’t have time for this shit!

      Fortunately my dis-ease (because it makes me, you know, not at ease) has not been severe enough to need it. I think. I get episodes, mostly mild, and every few months I get whacked like this. I hope it’s gone by the morning, as I have appointments with the rheumatologist about two hours away and then I have to drive another hour and a half to see the hand surgeon. So it better be better.

      Love ya!

      • Lots and lots of pills. The mesalamine was 3 pills, 3x/day forever and ever, the budesonide was 3 in the morning for a month, then 2 for a month, then 1 (entocort worked way better for me than the mesalamine). Now I take Azathioprine, plus the monthly cimzia injections because my Crohn’s leveled up. If you keep having issues, budesonide is a good one. It has minimal systemic effect, so the side effects don’t come anywhere near the side effects of prednisone. Granted, it doesn’t work nearly as fast or as well.

        Fingers crossed that the gremlins move out, and good luck tomorrow! 😀

        • Thank you love. As it turns out I totally had a horrible night, pain in the belly, had some rice at about 3pm and that was IT for my guts. I mean, rice??? The white kind, known for its healing properties??? Finally took one of my closely guarded tramadol and then slept through two alarms, totally could not drive 3 hours to the rheumatologist. Tomorrow I have a cardiac stress test…my house of cards is falling in slow motion.

  8. What you’re going through sounds awful. I hope it passes soon.

  9. Hope that by now you are feeling better and like Sheldon said take it easy..
    I do have to admit you had me laughing at time on how you word things..not at your illness or sickness so please don’t think that k..

    • Oh good. I try to take lessons from my all time favorite author, E.B.White. In between writing Charlotte’s Web and other fabulous tales, he wrote a weekly essay for The New Yorker. Somewhere along the line he got sick and eventually died, but during his illness he wrote some of the finest-no, THE finest-black humor ever. He is my hero.

      My other favorite black humorist is the lovely Kara, who left a comment above. I’m writing on my phone and haven’t figured out the art of the hot link yet, so you must absolutely click on her name and read her wonderful, wickedly funny blog, Polishing Dookie.

      Thanks for the hugz, Suz!

      • Oh yes I know Kara!!!! Love her blog too…She makes me laugh not at how she feels but how she words things..Yes I do follow were all good..I will have to look into some of his work…Thank you and always hugggs …Hope your feeling better…
        Huggggs again

  10. Nancy Fleagle Williams

     /  May 23, 2016

    My go-to is Red Desert Clay. It fixes everything!

    • Well then, all I have to do is go outside and open my mouth, for I am camping upon hundreds of thousands of acres of red desert clay. Better than acres of clams! So how do you use it?

  11. Laura what’s going on
    Come out come out
    Where ever you are
    Can Laura come out and play

    • Yeeessss? Here I am, dahlink. Yes, just had one of my “near-syncopal” episodes…ears are still ringing, but the black spots have cleared. You are AMAZING. And your little dog, too…

  12. The Grundlands

     /  May 24, 2016

    Ugh I was down for the count with a nasty stomach flu yesterday…with you in your pain sister… refua shleima. xoxo

    • Awww, shit. I hate it that the bad bug got you! I’ll beat it to death.

      Are you feeling better today? Virtual hugs and kisses, sweetheart…mammash refua shaleima! Are the holy kinderlach OK, and David?

      Love you xxx

  13. Hope you feel better soon. Sounds like your body and mind are not on the same page right now!

  14. Oh goodness. I hope it’s all calmed down again now. How inconvenient and unpleasant for all concerned. Especially when you can’t just easily open a window to let the smell out, or use air freshener due to the confines of the available space…

    • Come to think of it, I might have burned some incense…but when I’m that sick, my brain switches off except for the part that suffers….if I could just turn that part off, things would go much better I’m sure!


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