We had a big day today and both of us are beat. However, if you look at the above photo you will see two squiggly lines. The red one on the right points to Atina’s “squirrel.” She has to have it in order to sleep.
The blue line on the left points to my foot. She is using it for a pillow. This means that I cannot move, or else I will wake up Sleeping Beauty and then what would happen?
What I want to know is why I get all excited about some new Bipolar management strategy that’s working, and immediately get rid of one of my drugs. I do that frequently, and frequently pay the price.
For instance, I just started Clonidine for my blood pressure, and it has the side effect of relaxation. I was getting over-sedated from the benzos I take plus the Clonidine, so I decided to start weaning on the benzos because I hate them anyway.
So after a couple of nights of half doses, last night I skipped the lorazepam entirely.
All well and good, I fell asleep just fine. But it turns out the Clonidine has a very short duration of action, so I found myself irritability awake and looking for someone to kill at 4:30 in the morning. Well, the only person I found at that time of the a.m. was me, so I lay in bed till it got light, and then I remembered that someone did me the favor of stealing all my camp furniture yesterday. Kill! Kill!! But I had to wait till the office opened, so I guzzled coffee and planned my angle of attack.
It didn’t work any better than the last time I got robbed in that particular campground, which unfortunately has many advantages, which is why I stay there a lot.
Last time, someone stole my one good pair of chinos and six pairs of blue Smartwool socks, only a couple of years old. Fuck, fuck, fuck. That was the find of a lifetime, Smartwool socks in the most lovely shade of blue. I guess somebody else thought that too.
I told the incredibly rude
cunt bitch fuckhead office person about it, and she just sneered at me, so I asked to see the manager, who was very nice and promised to look into it for me but I doubt she will.
I don’t know why, but the office staff all treat me like I have leprosy even though I’ve been paying to stay there intermittently since February. I stay there when it’s really cold so I can plug in my little electric heater instead of using the propane furnace, which makes these unholy clicking noises all night. I don’t think I do anything weirder than any of the other weird campers. I don’t even allow myself to go around having a running conversation with myself like I normally do. I think they’re all afraid of my dog, who wouldn’t even bite them unless they threatened me, which is one of the reasons I have her. The other reason is that she’s sweet, sweet, sweet. Maybe I’m creepy without knowing it. Oh well, I’m paying them, and all they have to do is take my money, so I get to be myself. But I miss my camp furniture and socks.
Tonight I’m in a way over my head expensive and chic campground that is far too near Sedona, which is why. That’s OK though, because tomorrow I’m off to the Mogollon Rim. I’ll explain more about that later. I can’t look down to write anymore tonight. My neck is killing me.