Party of One: How to Stand Strong in the Truth When No One Believes You

Wow, another blockbuster post from The Invisible Scar! Timely, too. I have been out in the forests of Colorado thinking about how my mother brags about the time I accidentally swam too far out on the lake on a windy day, when I could not hear my parents yelling for me to come back in. I was ten years old. I remember being absorbed in diving under the waves, as my father had taught me to do. When I finally got tired and swam back to shore, they put me in the hot car with the windows rolled up, as punishment for…what? Not hearing them because the wind was drowning their calls out? Enjoying myself doing something they had taught me to do, and encouraged me to do? My mother boasts about using this punishment again when I ran away from her verbal and physical abuse and hid in a corn field. Didn’t they know that their “punishment” was not only openly abusive, but could easily have been fatal? How about the times when they both smoked in the car with the windows rolled up and accused me of coughing just to be annoying? My mother claims that never happened. It’s especially important for her to deny that now that I suffer from severe asthma. Of course she tells her friends how wonderful I am. They all adore her, and tell me what an “angel” she is.

This article also addresses the issue of the parents killing the child’s pets. Amazing. I never knew that was a common occurrence in abusive parents. One time when I was about 12, I went to visit a relative for a few weeks during summer vacation. I left my pet bird with my parents. When I got back my bird was gone. “She flew away,” says my mother. I couldn’t believe that my birdie would ever do such a thing, because she was so tame and social. Years later, my mother laughed as she told me the real story: she got sick of caring for the bird, so she put it out in the screen porch with her cat.

Likewise with my own cat, which I sadly left with them when I had to go for an interview: they left him outside when the neighbourhood dogs were in the yard. The last they saw of him, my father told me, was his black form streaking across the field across the road, a pack of dogs in hot pursuit.

No wonder I’m fucked up.

OK, I admit I wasn’t the best mother, but I can say this: I never purposely abused my child, or did anything to cause him pain. I took care of his pets, I never called him names. I listened to his concerns and took them seriously. I stood up for him when he was bullied for being different. I took on school systems to make sure his special needs were being met. I did neglect him sometimes, because I worked long hours and spent too much time at the gym trying to work off my manic energy, but at least I never locked him in a hot car, and the worst I ever said to him was that he was lazy for refusing to do his farm chores, which was true. I still feel guilty for saying it, though. I’ll stop now, because I really could go on and on about this whole thing.

The Invisible Scar

150915-stand-strong-in-the-truthAfter you’veawakened to the truth that you were emotionally abused as a child (and perhaps continue to be as an adult child), you will definitely encounter some hard-coreresistancefrom some disbelieving people. These people either have known you as a child and believe the image of a happy family that your parents propagated; are enmeshed in relationships, whether as relatives or friends, with your parents; are in denial of their own abusive pasts or are in similar abusive relationships; or are not sufficiently emotionally mature or loving to be a good friend during your awakening and subsequent healing journey.

Those people will often try to coax you back into a state of slumber. Your emotional awakening is too messy for them to handle. They want you to stay in your box, under your label, not bustling out in passion and growth, but confined to the definitions of…

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7 Comments

  1. I can’t say enough about invisible scars
    I know Lara you have read some of my early works about my mother
    Between the cat of nine tails and her fists she was brutal
    What was left was her words
    I’ve have searched for years for peace in my heart
    It’s never and easy search but its possible
    As always Sheldon

    Reply
    • Oy, Sheldon! Cat of nine tails??? Good God, it’s beyond imagination what some people will do to their children. You have such a strong beautiful spirit, Sheldon. I bless you with complete healing and peace. –your friend for real, Laura

      Reply
  2. Oh My God, I really cannot understand how can anyone be so cruel to an animal who has done no wrong that they can actually watch him get killed. There is certainly some hormonal mental disturbances which makes them behave so.

    God bless them for they dont know what they have ordained in their karma.

    Reply
  3. Veronica Jarski | The Invisible Scar

     /  September 17, 2015

    Laura,

    Thanks for sharing the blog post and your story…

    I’d heard a few stories about abused children’s pets being treated horribly, but until I started The Invisible Scar, I had no idea how widespread that was. It’s astounding. And heart-breaking. And makes me want to cry. Ugh. so sorry about your bird. : (

    Peace be with you.

    Reply

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