Too Sick For Surgery

Sigh.  More and more and more, for this huge brave soul that enlivens the body of my sweet Atina.

As if everything else wasn’t enough, she’s begun having signs of pancreatic failure: ravenous appetite, horrendous huge nauseating stinking greasy poops that look like, if you measured them, about the same volume as what she took in.

I know these signs well, having dealt with something similar myself over the course of several years.  Rapid weight loss and malnourishment are the predictable results.

So I took her to the hospital, with the plan of explaining all this to her surgeon, and my extreme hesitation to perform surgery based on my concerns of her inability to absorb nutrients merely for her maintenance needs, let alone the 200% of basic needs that the body requires for healing after major surgery.

But as fortune would have it, her internal medicine resident showed up to check in with us prior to surgery; and after a good deal of putting our heads together about it, decided to call off the surgery (whew!) and do an impromptu clinic visit instead.

A good thing on many levels.

Atina’s blood pressure was higher than it was two weeks ago, which is bad news about her kidney function.  A bunch of blood was drawn again, basic kidney function tests plus a battery of pancreatic function tests that get sent out to somewhere.

I have been kicking and screaming about just going ahead and starting pancreatic enzymes after drawing the test.  I don’t see why she should be left to lose even more of her body by pooping it out, for the sake of academic “correctness.”  I’m thinking about this.

She did get a prescription for a medicine that will control bacterial overgrowth in the intestine, and I know from my own experience that that alone will help reduce stool volume.  But it doesn’t do a damn thing to assist nutrient absorption.

Believe me, I will not let this thing rest for long.  A couple days, maybe.  We have a recheck appointment on Friday, and might make it that long, but if I see things deteriorating even a hair’s breadth between now and then I am going to make a LOT of noise.

All of this is adding up to autoimmune disease, in my own medical mind.  A lousy prognosis.  One lousy prognosis on top of another.

I’m looking for silver linings here.

One is that my sweet Atina has become very cuddly and snuggly–leaving my arms and legs covered with gaudy blotches, since I bleed at the slightest contact with tooth or claw; and my sweet Atina is all teeth and claws, like any healthy adolescent.

Unfortunately, the very fact that she is being so clingy is a sign that she is not feeling well.  Most healthy adolescents are busy testing limits, and snuggling with Mom is the last thing on their minds.

But I treasure these moments of puppy love, and only say “OUCH!” when badly bitten, or if flailing paws with claws come way too close to my eye.

And then there is Colorado.

There is no endpoint in sight yet, so Colorado it is, and will be, until then next thing happens.  Fact is, I like Colorado a lot.  You can find pretty much any kind of terrain you can imagine here.  There are a lot of natural and man-made geologic features that are unique and breathtaking.  The flowers, the wildlife, canyons, mountains, rivers, glaciers, everything.

I guess I’ll go ahead and put in to become a resident, since I seem to live here.  I did want to winter in Arizona, mostly because mixing winter with an RV can get complicated.  But I’ve learned a lot of other stuff, so I can learn that too, if the rest of me holds up.

I like the idea that if I need some botanical medicine to treat my nerve pain, I can just waltz into the dispensary of my choice and buy some.  I don’t use that much, but in the surrounding states if you don’t have a medical card from that state, possessing ANY amount of the Herb will get you busted.  I don’t think I could deal with getting busted, so I’ll stay legal.

And wait. 

I’ve been entrusted with the love and care of this beautiful soul, so I will let her be my guide, and my guardian.  Ours is a bond of perfect faith.  How many of us ever find that in life?


An afternoon snooze...

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  1. Laura, your bond of perfect faith will see you through this. That and your medical expertise. Again, good thoughts & prayers! Chryssa

  2. The Grundlands

     /  September 8, 2015

    Wow…sounds so similar to your “tummy issues”… Some kind of deep tikkun, I think…sigh…thinking of you and Atina xo

  3. I am so sorry to hear of Atina’s illnesses. It is so difficult when your little baby gets sick. You feel so helpless. I’m sending you positive energy and lots of love for Atina. Hope your get will bring her around.

    • Thanks so much…praying for miracles for everyone who needs deep healing…

      • Oh my gosh, I didn’t know that was you! I looked at the post on my phone and I am half blind without my reading glasses. I am sending you and Atina lots of hugs and love. The healing and regenerative powers of ours and our fur babies’ bodies are immense. I hope and hope for you. xxxooo

        • Thank you so much! This is a very powerful time in the Cosmic Calendar, where prayers are magnified and multiplied….I know your prayers are very powerful, so I hope you will join me in BANGING ON THE GATES OF HEAVEN to heal this beautiful soul, among all the other souls that need a complete recovery from illness of every kind, whether of body, whether of mind….as our year begins another cycle, and as we still have time before the Book of Life is opened and closed once again, we have this unique opportunity…So let’s pray, in whatever way is uniquely ours, for healing. I see my little fur baby as a messenger from Heaven, sent to teach lessons about Life, Love, Giving, and Receiving. Blessed are the innocents!

          • I’m with you!!! I’ll pray to the cosmos for recovery of your gorgeous baby and like you said, for all of us in need. Which basically means all of us. Love and hugs dear Laura.

  4. I’m sooo sorry that you & your furry girl are going through this horrible ordeal. 😥 Lots of hugs & prayers

  5. Josh Wrenn

     /  September 8, 2015

    I don’t know what damage a bag of enzymes would do. Seems strange they won’t do it. I’d raise all Hell on that one.

  6. Loved your last line. God bless you for your optimism.

  7. Midwestern Plant Girl

     /  September 9, 2015

    Please give some scratches to your brave little girl. Thank goodness you have your medical background to help her with. I agree, what harm could some enzymes do? I deal with tummy issues daily. Enzymes are my friends.
    I don’t pray much, but I will for you.
    Colorado is a cool state. I’ll be there in 3 weeks, officiating my friend’s wedding! I’d move in a heartbeat 💓

  8. I’m still bothering the Almighty on your behalf. Xxx

    • You go, girl! The power of prayer is unlimited. Atina and I bless you, that your prayers should open the Gates of Heaven and bring the Attribute of Kindness into the world, for everyone’s good, including yourself. We say that when we pray for someone else’s healing, or whatever they need, that the blessing returns to us tenfold. I haven’t quite seen that in this particular life (yet), but there is a huge aspect of good that is hidden from our view, and appears to us to be evil. Of course there IS real evil in the world, so the whole thing can get rather confusing. So I pay that you should have lots of REVEALED good, and only good surprises!

  9. What a precious being. I hope she does well.


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