None

No beauty
No joy
No laughter
No family
No friend
No purpose
No ambition
No nothing
Nothing
Is
Nothing
Was
Nothing
Will be
Amen

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23 Comments

  1. The Grundlands

     /  July 26, 2015

    I know those feelings…sorry to hear you in it so deeply… I was, am, and will always be your friend and the friend you’ve been to me is truly unparalleled in the most special and precious ways. I love you. On Jul 26, 2015 11:02 PM, “Bipolar For Life” wrote:

    > Laura P. Schulman, MD, MA posted: “No beauty No joy No laughter No > family No friend No purpose No ambition No nothing Nothing Is Nothing Was > Nothing Will be Amen”

    Reply
  2. I feel your pain
    I will send you prayers and lite
    Sheldon

    Reply
  3. Terri

     /  July 27, 2015

    Everything is impermanent. This is just consciousness experiencing itself. It is just a blip..perceived as pain when we resist it. Allow the grief and your true self is still there…we love you…

    Reply
  4. Ava Savage

     /  July 27, 2015

    Are you sure you aren’t telling what I feel. It is miserable to feel like you have nothing or no one. I am sorry you feel like that too. Hope you feel better soon, we care. Hugs!

    Reply
  5. ah, laura, i have been a bit worried your last coupla posts. i think what you need is to get back to israel. talk about how you feel at one with everything, how have such good friends and neighbors, how good your spirit feels.

    please take care and know i’ve sent warm thoughts and wishes your way.

    Reply
    • Thanks dear Kat. I can’t go back to Israel. My support system is gone. I gave it all up to come to the States for my dad. Everything that kept me alive in Israel is gone, and I’m too exhausted to start over. I’m running out of time.

      Reply
      • how do you know your friends in israel are forever gone from you? if you returned, would they not be happy? would they not love you still? just because you told them you were staying in the states for your dad, does not mean that they are not still your friends. anyhow, don’t assume bridges are burnt; they may be only unused. wishing you the best.

        Reply
        • not just “gone.” GONE. As in, MOVED ELSEWHERE. Please, Kat, listen to my words. As I wrote them. That is the way it IS, IN REALITY, not any other way. My friends are still my friends, but they live elsewhere, have moved on with their lives, and I have lost my house, my practice, and my position in my community, and NO, I cannot get them back, and I do not have the strength or the money or the influence to get them back. Sorry about the bold caps, but you didn’t seem to hear me the first time. I am not kidding. Everything I loved is either gone or…. dead

          Reply
  6. I truly hope you can lift yourself out of this yuckiness. I hope my hugs make it to wherever you are. 😢

    Reply
  7. I can’t thank you enough for sharing your struggles on your blog. It has helped me as I struggle to understand my children’s and my own mental health issues. Please know that I am thinking about you and wishing you all the best.
    Also, and though I don’t know anything about the situation really, I wouldn’t be so quick to assume that your support system in Israel is gone or that it couldn’t be resurrected. Sometimes we don’t give people enough credit for being willing to help.

    Reply
    • Thanks, Nancy, glad my blog has helped you. I’ve been back to Israel four times since I left, and that’s how I know everything is gone. Israel is a very hard place in the best of situations. You have to have immense strength and resources to make it there. The very nature of life in a war zone requires huge inner resources. My best friends have all moved elsewhere. I gave up my house, my business, my position in my synagogue, my community, to return to the States to help my dad. All of that is gone, and I mean GONE. I don’t even know why I’m making the effort to try to explain this. Just don’t try to tell me sweet rosy hopeful things that aren’t true, OK? Things are NOT OK, things are NOT salvageable, and there is no way out.

      Reply
  8. savemefrombpd

     /  July 28, 2015

    I could have written this… I feel ya sis

    Reply
  9. LIEBE, when I read Nothing over and over i hear you. Behind that I think that you are saying, “I cannot find words to express all the bad that has happened. I cannot bear it.” LIEBE, we just experienced the 9th of AV to remember our holy people who perished over the Millennium. How can we bear the loss of Hashem’s Holy Temple?? How are we to bear the next 10 years when the East and West will be confronting each other. The idea is paralyzing. The Rabbis say in everything bad there is something good and in the good there is some bad. I might say that the solution to the problem is in the problem. I know that when I was told by my children that they wanted “Nothing” and again the same response then the problem was not hunger for food but a different hunger. Sleep, maybe need for affection attention?

    What are you hungry for LIEBE? Is there any good in all this turmoi? We can’t know Hashem’s Holy plan. We can trust. That’s it.

    You probably will not like to hear this :Joan Didion has written that grief is passive and mourning is active.Where are you in the process?

    What did you take comfort In? I’m worried about you. I Pray that you will see beauty, joy, laughter, family, friend and everything a Nechama yearns for. I am your friend. B’Emet Ida On Jul 27, 2015 6:02 AM, “Bipolar For Life” wrote:

    Laura P. Schulman, MD, MA posted: “No beauty No joy No laughter No family No friend No purpose No ambition No nothing Nothing Is Nothing Was Nothing Will be Amen”

    Reply
  10. “I can’t go back to Israel. My support system is gone. I gave it all up to come to the States for my dad. Everything that kept me alive in Israel is gone, and I’m too exhausted to start over. I’m running out of time.” .. disabled, unable to work in the field I so dearly love.”
    You left Israel for a purpose. Living in Israel brought that out in you. To do what daughters do.
    You would remember the riots in 1992 in Los Angeles? My friend with 7 children, a GP, had a family, patients that he treated for obesity. Years before he had worked shifts in Emergency Rooms. The riots killed his practice. A bunch of things hit the fan and he wound up living in his car. I had introduced him to his wife, my college friend
    He showed up at our house and he stayed for about 6 months. An organization that helps Dr.s with drinking problems gave him a small grant. It wasn’t easy. He had never passed the internal medicine boards. Those are a must in NYC.
    He picked up gigs with Locum Tenens. Then he went back to his practice in L.A. Alone, surviving. This all played out over 10 years. He had no support from his brothers. He never took welfare.

    I know another M.D. who was convicted for DUI, and ultimately killed someone. He took this on the chin and was not permitted to practice for 10 years. Yes, awful things happen when people are drunk. He didn’t go back to medicine or drinking

    Are you on disability? I don’t mean to be cruel. You have no criminal record? You choose not to work. Did you ever do Locum Tenens?
    I am very fortunate, moving to Israel and not needing to scramble for work because I retired after 25 years teaching in Public School. I see that the doctors are over-worked here.
    They start at 7 and leave at 7 in a hospital like Shaare Tzedek.
    It’s torture for their families.
    But you give up a lot to live here.
    Am I still a Chochom?
    http://nymag.com/nymetro/health/columns/strongmedicine/5137/

    Reply
  11. Sending love. Xxx

    Reply

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