Can’t Do A Thing About The @#$%^ Weather!

When last I posted, I was lamenting the fact that the weather was dashing my plans to make a quick run to Michigan and retrieve my new RV (don’t look at the price, I got one that was a demo and much MUCH cheaper, but exactly the same thing!).

As it turned out, I couldn’t have gone anyway because the flights got so snarled up due to heavy snows and ice storms that no one was flying anywhere.  Up here on my mountain, there were a few inches of snow topped with a crunchy layer of ice.  No way I could even have made it to the airport, so I canceled my flight last night.  That turned out to be the wrong thing to do, because since I never checked in for the flight, I had to pay for it even though it ended up being canceled.  Go figure.  Better than being stuck in the damn airport for who knows how long, anyway.

But never mind the flight–my most urgent issue with the weather has to do with my arthritic joints.  Every time I move my right shoulder it goes “clunk.”  Sometimes the clunk is accompanied by a grating sort of pain, and sometimes not.  I have a touch (OK, maybe more than a touch) of fear when that happens, because my dad (may he rest in peace) had similar clunks that just got worse and worse.  I’m sure that’s what will happen with mine, because so far I’m following in his arthritic footsteps.  Too bad I didn’t inherit his artistic talent and drive to make art, along with the arthritis!

Last night was a busy one as I searched for a comfortable position for my arthritic neck.  No rest for the weary.  So today I’m yawning.  I hope I’ll get some sleep tonight.

I can’t take most pain meds, as they either cause me to stop breathing or to itch.  I don’t know which is worse.  If I stopped breathing suddenly, that would make the pain go away, but from prior experience I can tell you that the road to apnea is fraught with much wheezing and gurgling.  I would probably panic and make use of the dreaded Epi-Pen, the epinephrine auto-injector with a needle the size of an elephant’s trunk. Then I’d be back at square one, except now with a large bleeding hole in my thigh.

So I’m ingesting as much turmeric as I can stomach, which does help, and slathering my homemade Frankincense Oil concoction all over my shoulder and neck.  My hair is greasy with it, but since I can’t get down my icy dirt driveway and no one can get up it either, I have no worries about being seen with straw-hair.

I am grateful that the power has stayed on, and the propane seems to be holding out.  I got a $600 delivery just before it precipitated; but then the temperatures dropped into the single digits with winds that blew off part of the roof of my shed, so I have no idea how much fuel I have left.  I’m not going out to the tank and risking busting my arse on the slippery stairs.  The salt I spread before the storm merely melted some of the snow; and it froze back up, creating a skating rink on my stairs.  Fuck it, I say.  I turned the heat down to 65 and put on another layer of silk underwear.  That’s the best, I’ve found, because it adds warmth without bulk and you can layer it without feeling like the Michelin Tire Man.



I’ve been using my time somewhat productively.  For some reason, even though I spend most days holed up away from the world, for the past couple of days I’ve been noticing what a horrid cluttered mess I live in. It’s actually bothering me.

Even more astonishing: I’ve been doing something about it!  Going through piles of papers–I am ashamed to say that I am finding things in my “action necessary” pile that date back to 2013…sigh…I need a personal secretary.  A volunteer, because after the RV I can’t pay anybody.

I do still have a little whisky, though, so at leastI can offer a bit of merriment in the evenings.  Alcoholics will have to make do with tea.  I have a lot of tea, ranging from strong black stuff to the delicious mint I’m sipping now.  That’s how it goes around here: tea in the daytime, whisky and smokes at night.  I’m single and I do what I want!

And now it’s time to get back to reading my mail from a couple of years ago.  Who knows, there could be a check for $50,000 hiding among the junk mail!  My luck, it would have expired, like some of the coupons and offers I’ve already unearthed.

Oh shoot, I can’t worry about that.  My neck hurts too much.  Did I show you the excellent hard shell bionic brace the spine people gave me?  No?  Maybe next time.

I can’t quite tell which hurts worse, the brace cutting into the back of my skull, or my neck without the brace.

But it looks really cool on.  That’s what I used to tell the fancy ladies who came into the Michigan Avenue high fashion boutique I worked in, the winter quarter I had to take off from undergraduate school in Chicago, to make money for tuition: “This Armani is a fabulous piece.  The rack doesn’t nearly do it justice.  It looks incredible on!”  Then once you got it on her, of course it needed the belt, the bag, the necklace, the earrings–accessorize!  That’s where you made your money, the accessories.

So I have developed an entire line of accessories to go with the Amazing Bionic Neck Brace–scarves, mostly, because that’s really all you can do with a neck brace, but since I have a vast collection of scarves and hats, it comes out looking rather…surreal, like an alien sister to the Michelin Tire Man.

Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, I got fired from the Michigan Avenue Boutique (right across the street from Tiffany’s!) because I couldn’t sell water in the desert, let alone high fashion when I myself owned a total of two outfits, very worn and tatty.  Now I have piles of clothes.  They are lying around in laundry baskets littering up the place.  Most of them are also falling apart. Some date from the 1980’s when I was three sizes smaller.  “Oh, maybe I’ll get back into them someday,” I think to myself.

Between you and me, I rather doubt it.  Maybe I should make a pile to take to the resale shop.  But how can I part with them, when each one holds so much history?  This is the shirt I wore when we went to the Grand Canyon.  This natty pair of slacks is the one I wore on my first date, two husbands ago.  Never mind that they only fit up to my ankles.  Now that I am eating healthy food (after I finish this bag of potato chips), it’s possible that…oh darn, I’ve ripped them!  A whole chapter of my life, gone!

I must get back to the pile of mail.

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  1. clutter around me makes chaos in my mind…when chaos is in my mind, it is hard to sort out the clutter. ah well….

    so sorry about the neck pain, and especially that you can’t use pain meds. i would put up with the itching. and i think it actually worked out in your favor that the weather kept you home, since as it turned out, it would have been impossible to have left anyway. when the time is right to get it, everything will fall into place.

    • True, all the way around, except that to me, itching is worse than pain, unless I’ve just had surgery…in that case, I take enough so I don’t care! Unfortunately, my state medical board has issued a policy paper basically threatening physicians who prescribe opiates with losing their licenses…everyone is running like rabbits…instead of standing up as a group and taking back our own ability to make clinical decisions. Argh.

      • I just have to have a little rant along with you about your state medical board….what the f&$#?! I am so angry that laws and boards are making it so that physicians are afraid to prescribe appropriate opiate medications! It only means that those of us with chronic pain are finding it nearly impossible to have our pain treated. Millions of people suffering. Meanwhile, it does nothing for illegal sale/use of opiates. Grrrrrrrr! Okay, I’m getting down off my soapbox (reluctantly)

  2. Stay warm my friend, stay calm, stress isn’t any good for pain,I will send you lite and prayers

  3. kati

     /  February 17, 2015

    Oh dear… you reminded me of my piles of clothes and letters waiting to be sorted or thrown away… I hate it, but since i took 2 weeks off sick it’s the right moment I guess. The first week I hardly done anything, more mess maybe.
    But once my flat is tidy I feel much better myself. Viscous circle….. 😦
    ps. your RV is amazing!!

    • It IS a vicious circle, isn’t it? I am proud to say that I threw out a whole bin of papers that had “aged” sufficiently to be redundant…I’ll tell you a secret: the reason I’m spending my life savings on this little house on wheels is that I do SO much better in a small, defined space. I lived in a horse trailer for 3 months and it was like heaven–there was only so much junk I could fit in there, along with the horse and two dogs! I only have the one small dog now, but if space becomes a problem I’m thinking of getting another one, about 10 times as big–that would solve my space problem! The inside of the van is not big enough for a horse 😉

    • Good job tidying up! I’m getting inspired 🙂 How are you feeling?

  4. Laura, hope the neck pain subsides somewhat! It’s amazing and good how you use humor in writing about painful things. Always think healing thoughts for you! Christine

    • Thanks, Christine! Believe me, the air around me has turned quite blue several times this evening. I was doing something energetic, you know…filling my med box. This requires looking down, which just doesn’t work for my neck. It also requires repetitive movements of the upper extremity….Which doesn’t work for my shoulder. Then there was the fact that I take 10,000 effing pills a day, each for its own malady. So all in all I was in mighty poor humor about it. Now I am sitting bolt upright with my rigid collar on, wondering how long I would have lived if not for modern medicine. And I have it easy!

  5. In spite of the pain and the cold, your spirits seem to be high. Glad to read you rambling on so. (I’m quite shaken over Terezin’s comment reacting to my poem. My symptoms are rather mild and unnoticeable to most people.)

    • Ah, Kitt, here as in all things (crying AGAIN), my father was my teacher. The worse it gets, the more you channel the pain into your art…until you can’t anymore, and then you do what you have to….whatever that happens to be, whether it’s lying in bed in traction deeply sedated, or sinking into trance and staying there till the pain lets up.

      I woke up this morning thinking about Terezin. She is so horribly damaged. The horrors she must have experienced, and must be still experiencing, to be so triggered by your post that she had to spew such awful spleen. That does not in any way excuse her from the hurtful things that she wrote. The fact that you left her comment up and tried to deal with it in a productive way speaks volumes for your strength of character and essential deep kindness. I am not so kind–I probably would have trashed it from the get-go!

      • Thank you. I do feel for her and of course I have questioned my own parenting as I’ve tried to be more than Winnicott’s good enough mother.

        • Oh dear Kitt, if you only knew how often I ask my soon-to-be-thirty-years-old son, “Did I do (x) to you when you were growing up? Did I yell at you? Did I, did I, did I…” And the sweet dear always says, “No, Mom, you never did anything like that.” Sometimes I believe him…like you, we started family therapy very early. I might write a post on this, as it seems to be at the surface right now…my son and I have danced the dance of our very similar personalities since before his birth, really…..and there is no greater challenge to our inner resources than parenting. As a pediatrician, and especially during my (extremely traumatizing) years as a pediatric emergency department physician and forensic expert on physical and sexual abuse, I saw many instances of parents just “losing it” during one long sleep-deprived night, and doing something to the baby…always that phrase…”I did something to the baby”….if they were able to say anything at all. For those parents, whose sin was not having the inner resources to meet the torment of an inconsolable wailing baby, I felt deep inner sorrow. That moment of impulse could never be taken back. (OK, now I know I’m in deep waters because my service dog is vomiting. I have to get through this and get back on stable ground.)

          Years before, as a medical student with a needy, immature husband and a baby who screamed from the moment the sun set until it rose, every single night, I had taken the advice of a midwife friend of mine and, when I felt my resources leaving me, I placed him gently in his crib, making sure he was safe, and then walked outside into the dark yard, put in earplugs so I couldn’t hear him, and walked around breathing until my nerves had settled sufficiently so that I knew I wouldn’t hurt him. Then I’d go pick him up again, walk around the house with him till the sun came up and he began to smile…I thanked God for giving me the resources NOT to hurt him, even though I desperately wanted the screaming to stop….it did not stop until he was five years old.

          So……I have gone on and on here, but I want you to know that your son knows how much you love him, and very likely does not notice those things that make you question your parenting. The fact that you worry about it means you are doing a great job!

          • My son, too, was an almost inconsolable infant. He could not self-soothe and remains extremely sensitive and reactive to both internal and external stimuli. Now he gets migraines. As an infant, he cried except when attached to me. I should write some day how we managed the transition from family bed to toddle sportscar bed beside the family bed and then that bed slowly drove its way to my son’s bedroom where we would lie down with him and read until he fell asleep. I breastfed him for 27 months until it became clear that I was experiencing manic symptoms and had to go on Depakote. Then to wean him, I left for the weekend for the first time. He insisted on waiting at the driveway for my return. It began to rain, so my husband talked him into sitting with him under the overhang, then at the front door, then on the stairs, then at the top of the stairs with the door open, finally in the masterbed where he fell asleep with my husband. We have been anything but abusive.

            Yes, we have raised our voices at times, which is extremely difficult on our very sensitive son. Our son was impulsive and reactive and prone to temper tantrums, and on more than one occasion one or the other of us has lost it and raised our hand at it, which we recognized as wrong. Once I took my son to our Howard-educated African American family practioner (the couple had a joint practice) for my son complained that his ears rang after I slapped him in response to him calling me a f*cking b*tch. My son was informed that his punishment would have been far more severe had he done that in the doctors’ home. Lesson: I made a mistake, I slapped out of outrage, not as discipline, but my son had not been abused. His ear was fine. His hearing was fine. I took him to his doctor.

            • A car bed! Brilliant! I think our sons must be twins separated at birth. OK, so one of them is older than the other.

              I like your strategy of doing things in stages. I never thought of anything like that. I just held him and cried while he cried. We cried together, out of desperation.

              Wow, sounds like your little cusser needed slapped in a big way! My son’s father flipped out when my two year old son said something similar to me, and then spit in my face (he was in his high chair) and I just hauled off and smacked him across the mouth. His dad totally lost it on me, and I remember screaming, “He sinned with his mouth, therefore his mouth shall be punished!” I have never been a religious maniac, but this was clearly a case of prophesy 😛

              I was having a conversation with my son last week, and told him how many, many shopping carts I had left in stores because he was throwing a fit. I am not an “I’m going to count to three” type of parent. I am a “you throw a fit, we’re going home and you are going to your room” type of parent. It didn’t work, but I had the satisfaction of knowing that at least I hadn’t caved in!

              • Honestly, we learned two contradictory things: 1) when my son was in the red zone discipline did not work – so we picked and chose our battles carefully; 2) although we never would advocate spanking or slapping, those occasions when he was young and completely out of control, a swat literally snapped him out of it. He is doing SO much better now. Been off stimulants for years now. On Elavil for migraines. Titrating him off. Pdoc insists on therapy as he titrates off Elavil. He has had a hx of suicidal ideation as young as 5, but we do not discuss dx. His brain has changed over the years and it continues to change, for the better so far.

  6. I deleted the comment thread that upset me on the advice of my husband and Dyane Harwood, a close blogging friend. My husband was upset that I let a stranger get under my skin and question my mothering skills, my value, actually. My husband and I adore our son. We are quite proud of him. (Plus, he’s a cutie!) Anyway, feel free to delete or edit these comments of mine here.

    • I’m glad you deleted that comment! I would chasten your husband a bit, though…(but not too much ❤ ), because the courage it took to write that poem in the first place is so HUGE…the emotional impact of the incident that triggered it is so overwhelming, so shocking to our selves that we could even HAVE feelings like that…this is art: when you take that plunge and offer up your deepest fears and hopes and dreams to complete strangers, flying on faith alone that they will find something meaningful, even life-changing, in our offerings…but you can't ever know how someone is going to react, especially when it touches a raw nerve (as it must have, in this person who reacted so hatefully). You are so courageous to write that down, let alone to offer it for your readers to experience…such a gift to us….and this person with a tongue that slices to ribbons, no doubt as her own way of staying alive, but no less damaging to a sensitive, sincere heart…yours…you opened your heart and got slammed. No need to defend yourself for your own feelings, your exquisite sensitivity. That's who you are. I grew up being mocked for "being too sensitive." That sensitivity is painful, but it's been the key to my abilities as a healer, and yours too, I suspect. It's also been the gaping maw of hell, when my/our defenses are weakened by circumstances or by illness, mental or physical or both…or when we willingly open our hearts, giving our gifts freely even though the giving might not be entirely safe. Never let anyone criticize you for being "too sensitive." It's your gift, and it's both a blessing and a curse. Your son knows you, adores you, for who you are, and I'm sure your husband wants to protect his beloved and precious wife from some tormented stranger spewing her bile on you. I hope she finds healing somehow, but not by hurting a sweet sensitive stranger.

      I hope that once you heal from this encounter with a tortured soul, you will be able to share yourself again with those of us who love you and who count on you to show us our own hidden hopes and fears and horrors. Hugs and blessings for healing, Kitt! You are a true healer.

      • Thank you, Laura, for such a loving response. Friday, for #1000speak on compassion, I plan to write of this encounter, removing the vitriol and focusing on the effects of abuse and untreated or unresponsive mental illness of parents on their children. I wrote my poems Infanticide-Suicide and Bad Mom for just such reasons. I will include links to agencies that protect children. #NoMore child abuse. #NoMore violence. #NoMore emotional abuse. #NoMore sexual abuse. I’m on a mission and will use that encounter to write on behalf of children. I once treated those children as a psychotherapist, that was my specialty – children and adolescents, and I was good at it.

        • Do you have The Invisible Scar on your list of anti-abuse blogs? It’s for ACoNs, Adult Children of Narcissists. There’s a badge here on my blog, just click it. It’s a wonderful place for ACoNs to find validation that we’re not actually inferior beings–it’s just that the narcissist(s) in our lives had to make us feel that way so that they could feel better. Than us.

          Do you know about Munchhausen By Proxy? Now THERE’s a sickness I have not come to understand, although I’ve seen several cases. People will find the weirdest ways to abuse their children.

          • I’ll look into The Invisible Scar. I’ve taken my son to so many doctors over the years: allergist/dermatologist for ezcema; allergist for asthma/allergies; neurologist/child psychiatrists/pain specialist/chiropractors for migraines; child psychiatrists & child psychologists for behavioral, psychiatric & psychological issues… I often wonder if MDs think I have Munchhausen by Proxy. I even had my husband bring my son in the last two times he was sick b/c I’m sick of taking him to doctors. Both my husband and my son somatize and both are sensitive to their environment (allergies, etc.). We are a highly strung trio.

            • I have just been reading a string of MD-type articles on the biosphere of the gut, and how it is crucial in everything from allergies (really??) to rheumatic disease to psychiatric illnesses. Our gut flora get perverted from all the antibiotics and other crap that gets fed to our food, and unless you have the ability to grow all your food on virgin ground that contains no chemicals, your gut biome is messed up. Add to this all the antibiotics we’ve taken in our lives, some essential, some not, and it’s no wonder we have a problem. I’ve noticed that since I’ve been paying more attention to the quality of the things I put in my body, my moods are better than they have been in a long time–that is not to say that they’re great, but at least I am not suicidal most of the time, which I have been. Anyway, I’m excited that there are new attitudes in “mainstream” medicine on the horizon. Just wish I was well enough to jump back into practice!

              • Interesting you bring up gut health. When I went in for my first colonoscopy (I’m 51), I was diagnosed with SIBO (small intestine bacterial overgrowth). The best cure I’ve found is to avoid FODMAP (Fermentable Oligo-Di-Monosaccharides and Polyols) carbohydrates. Unfortunately, many delicious foods that I have always considered healthy, I now realize are causing me intestinal distress that I had simply lived with for years. In our backyard we have persimmon, fig, and artichoke – all bad for MY gut. The little buggers love the stuff.

                • I can honestly say I understand, because I have it too. Long story. Interestingly, my intestines LOVE kimchi and other live foods. I can’t eat gluten anyway, so my diet mostly consists of rice, tofu, small amounts of greens, kimchi, dal (must have a tiny bit of asafetida/hing/hingu, turmeric, cumin, garam masala, in order to be digestible), and other less healthy things like potato chips! Hell, I can’t eat the fruit in America because it’s bred to have too much fructose, so I have to have SOME kind of treat…the food in Israel is so so so much better than here. Oh well.

                  • We do nothing to our fruit trees, but persimmons and figs are no-nos. Breaks my heart, for they truly are fruits God gave us – so “divine.” I am glad to hear that you can eat properly seasoned dal. Perhaps, I can eat the dal prepared by our local express Indian restaurant, for no doubt they use many of those seasonings. I only have some of them to cook it at home right now. I will have to get some kimchi. It’s been awhile since I’ve eaten it. I tried probiotic lactose free organic kefir, and my gut didn’t seem to like it. I can do lactose free milk in corn flakes. Grew up eating lots of onions, garlic, broccoli, cauliflower, and Orowheat honey wheatberry bread… Thought it was good for us… I used to love hummus and tabouli (we lived in Saudi Arabia for 5 years, so my mom would make tabouli)… Now I’m often at a loss as to what I can eat without bloating up.

                    • It’s so frustrating trying to find nutritious food that doesn’t tear up the innards! This is the basis of my having had to become an agnostic. There are specific commandments regarding the 5 sacred grains, wheat, spelt, barley, oats, and rye–and all I can eat is some kinds of oats–I won’t go into it, but it has eroded my faith. The kefir that says it’s lactose-free is NOT. I find that if I take two of the lactase caplets from Walmart, which work much better than the brand name, before drinking kefir that has been allowed to come to room temperature–NEVER drink cold milk!!! then my tummy likes it a lot. Even better in the blender with a handful of chopped cilantro and a quarter teaspoon turmeric, and a couple tablespoons of water per 8 oz kefir. You can also make your own kefir with lactose free whole milk (organic of course). Stand by for my whole post on milk, milk products, and general health.

                    • Will do. We just found a yogurt maker in a bunch of stuff a friend gave us when he cleared out his storage locker… I’m starting to make my own lactose free milk using Kirkland brand lactase tablets. Bought a mortar and pestle for the purpose.

  7. What a fabulous RV you bought, Laura! I love it! And really, it looks quite comfortable for relaxing, between the club chairs in front and the bed in the back….give me some pillows to pile around me and I’d be happy as a clam. Oh, wait, it’s *your* RV LOL
    Now if you could just pick it up, load it up and get on your way. Sorry you’re having to wait. Have you chosen the things you’re taking with you yet? Or is that part of what all the going through things is about?
    I’ll be hoping for the weather to warm up enough to melt things, and then stay that way. I’m so excited for you!
    I find it tragic that you can’t take pain meds with all the pain you have. I don’t know what I would do w/out mine. I’ve been talking them for about 13 yrs now, but before I started on them I did nothing but lay in a recliner day and night in horrific pain. I am happy that you have found a few things to help yourself….helping yourself is about more than just the bit of pain relief you get. I do believe that our pain is more than the physical reason for it. Or, rather, more goes into our pain than the physical reason. My pain is nearly always worse when my depression is severe, for example. I’m deeply hoping that you getting away from the homefront/your mother etc will enable your body to let go of some of its’ physical pain. And adding good things into our daily lives can help pain to a degree, too. As I’ve shared, when I create my art and jewelry I get to a place where I am distracted from my pain and focused onto something my soul loves. I dearly hope you find the same kind of thing. Take care of yourself. xoxo Peace to your heart

    • Why, Sarah, if you wanted to take a trip with me in the Magical Mystery Casita, that could be arranged! You have to bring your own pillows, though. I only have eight, and I use them all! (Some people might think I’m kidding. Hah!)

      I’m using this time of weird weather to practice not being in control. That’s very hard for me, since being in control of my comings and goings is a big source of, um, feeling in control. I’ve felt so out of control for the past four years, I’ve been really looking forward to taking the reins of my life again. Looks like that will have to wait.

      I signed up for a flameworking glass workshop at Penland School of Crafts in May. Hope I can manage it, between the arthritis in my hands and my poor neck. And shoulder. It’s really scary to have these physical issues creeping up on my ability to express myself in music and art. I hate to even think about typing. I can’t actually write with my hands too much anymore. I really think that if I can’t type I will just have to leave this world while I still have the ability to do so. Sorry to get so dark on you but I know you are one person who understands this.

      Anyway. Once the sun comes out I will feel much better all the way around. And now I am going to attempt the trek up the snowy icy path to my mother’s house to check on her damn cat (I hate that cat and he hates me, so we’re even 😉 ) and much better than that, take a long hot shower. Haven’t had one in days b/c of the single-digit temps and snow, ice, snow, ice, snow…..I have big snow boots, ice grippers, hiking poles, and chutzpah! Hopefully I won’t end up sliding down the cliff into the half-frozen river……! Love ya, Sarah!

      • Do be careful on your trek and enjoy that hot shower! Am I remembering correctly the Dragon writing program does not work for you? If so, that is such a damn shame because it seems it would be perfect for you as time goes along.
        So, you’ve signed up for the class in May…does that mean you aren’t planning to hop the RV and go before then? I had gotten the impression that you would be taking off as soon as you could go get it and pack up. As I said, I think your adventure will be so good for you on a few fronts, including the pain. But, then again, it IS *your* life LOL You know I support whatever you decide, my friend. Love you right back, Laura. p.s. no biggie, but it’s “Sara” instead of the biblical “Sarah”.

        • Aha. Sara it is! I think I knew but forgot. In Hebrew it’s spelled the same way, either way. Dragon has a hard time learning my speech because I have prostheses inside my mouth that for some reason make my voice different. I can hear it on recordings too. I haven’t tried the more recent versions of Dragon, which claim to be better at speech recognition. The good thing about the RV is that if I want to be somewhere, I can just go! Especially in the spring/summer when weather is less likely to be an issue. My own property is just a couple of miles from the school, so I can park here even if I’ve rented out the place, which I hope to. I want to have a portable craft to I can sell my stuff at fairs etc. along the way and maybe pay for some of the expense.

          PS both in Judaism and a lot of other religions, suffering is what I like to call “burning off karma.” It’s said that our sufferings in this world are fixing iniquities/sins from previous lives, and maybe even not our own sins, but those of our ancestors. Directly opposite of Christian views, I know, but there you go.

          • Oh, boy…I don’t know if I’m up to a discussion about suffering right now. So, I’ll just say this: I believe that suffering is part of life. There are many reasons we suffer, but one of the most important to me is that it provides an opportunity for growth and necessary change in ourselves and/or our relationships. Also, when we have suffered then we also know how beautiful flourishing is. While God has created us to be able to suffer (as well as all other feelings) I don’t think He delights in it at all. While I am a Christian, I am not ‘religious’ but spiritual. I am open to the thoughts and beliefs of other forms of spirituality. Because religion is essentially developed by ‘man’, I don’t think any one religion is “right”. Oh, dear, that is a whole other discussion there. Let’s save it for another day. I’m needing to go create something and distract my pain and feed my soul good stuff. I think you and I do need to meet up at some point and have some wonderful discussions and some fun! xoxo

            • Here, here on your last statement. All of them, in fact. I never did get my shower, as it turned out. The path from where I stay to my mother’s house was completely frozen over. Even with my big boots and hiking sticks I got stuck in the middle of some steps in the path, and had to turn around and slide down on my booty. Little Noga the Lhasa Apso thought that was hilarious! She tore around laughing. So I went out and chopped up the ice off of my front steps (ten of them) with a mattock until I could get down to the shed, where I left my spare bag of salt, and spread it on the necessary places. I hate salt. I’m a borderline Cystic Fibrosis, and anything like salt in the air gets into my system and comes out my skin. Bleah. So then I picked up my banjo because there was a tune in my head that had to get out. Then the Chronic Fatigue said, “What the hell are you doing?” and now I am in my recliner and can’t get out. Hope you had fun making something!

              • Either I’ve forgotten, or didn’t know that you have CFS. I also have that diagnosis, and certainly meet the criteria, but I think it’s also all mixed up with the Fibro and Sleep Apnea. Suffice it to say…I understand and am so sorry you have to deal with this on top of everything else. Very gentle hugs coming your way.

  8. I know what its like being in the cold. Been stuck in the house for 3 weeks now and feeling like a caged rat. Tried to go out today but damn bus was canceled and i was too cold to wait for the next one. The weather sucks and for those with chronic health conditions it just makes it worse.

    • Aaaaagh! I read your post about trying to get out today. You must be in the Northeast. I’m mostly from Massachusetts, different parts at different times. I’ve seen some terrible fights over parking spaces that someone (like me) dug out, and some fuckhead took the saw horses I put in and threw them in the snow and just parked in my spot. I don’t envy you being stuck in that snow. But it’s already the second part of February, so it has to let up soon, right????

      • I don’t think so. I am from Boston, Born and raised and still live there. AND more snow is happening as we speak. I don’t think I’m ever going to leave the house this month!!


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