And Now For A New Idea

Faithful Readers, I have a new idea I’d like to run by you.

After my last two posts, I don’t doubt that you are saying, Oh no, what kind of awful plan has she got now???

It’s not what you might be thinking.

I’m thinking I might get an RV and have it a bit modified for people with upper body disabilities…and go RV’ing around the country till I can’t do it any more.

I hate where I’m living.  The RV I would get will have a full bathroom, which I don’t have now.  It will have a full kitchen, which I don’t have now.  It will limit the amount of JUNK I can collect….I am a professional junk collector.

I want to go exploring in my favorite part of America: the Wild and beautiful West.  Maybe even find some way to volunteer at the National Parks, so I can camp there for free!  I can’t do trail duty any more, but I can answer phones…or “woman” the Information Desk and give out maps…I’m sure the National Park Service has volunteer gigs for disabled people!

Like I have said before, I don’t intend to let this disease get me like it got my dad…but neither do I want to just sit around this dratted uncomfortable place until I freeze in mid-air like Dad did!

If I can find a way to make the rest of my life fun and fulfilling, that will mean a lot.  Yes, Dad’s life was amazing right up to the point where his disease took over his life and he couldn’t do his magical art anymore.  Then he spent five miserable years dependent on others.  That’s when my life will go bye-bye.  Not doing that, if I can help it at all.

Dad lost his life–although his body stayed painfully alive–when he was 85.  My disease is progressing about 20 years earlier than his.  And my disease is in my neck, which his never was…and thus it threatens my whole body with the spectre of quadriplegia.  Not on the menu, if I can possibly help it.

When I think about cancer, I don’t think “chemo and radiation can help you live another (fill in the blank) months, years.  I am not interested in living with poisons and burnings.  Yes, I know that many of you are Cancer Survivors, and I totally applaud your courage.

However, I do not have the drive to live that others may have.  I welcome death.  I’ve had some amazing victories in my life, for which I am intensely grateful.  But now I am faced with two terminal diseases (Bipolar and Spinal Stenosis), and my chief aim is to enjoy the life that is left to me, and to go peacefully when the time comes….please God, let me know when the time is right so I don’t miss it and end up in a nursing home for years.

So.  I told you I wasn’t going to write about THAT, but it’s on my mind, so there you have it.

An RV would provide me with comfort, mobility, and FUN!  I’m getting revved about it.

What do y’all think about that idea?

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48 Comments

  1. Best of luck. How will you stay connected to others and establish a routine?

    Reply
    • Same as I do now! I have nobody in my life. My “routine” is dictated by my med schedule. I will have my cell phone, which also provides a mobile hot spot when I’m not somewhere with free wireless. I did live in my horse trailer, which had a full living quarters, for three months one time when I was between jobs. I loved it. It forced me to be organized, because a tiny space HAS to be organized! I will get outside more, because I will look for places that are not muddy and covered with poison ivy like this place is. My dog will love it because she will get outside more too. So I’ll probably have a much better routine than I have here, with the bonus of having a real bathroom and kitchen, and very few bills!

      Reply
  2. The idea of being at peace with ones self is a great weight off ones back,just to say there is yet another frontier you want to conquer or to challenge is the best medicine you could give yourself or take. If you believe it you will see it. This is not a far fetched idea to you it’s very real, it’s not for me to say what I think, it sounds like you have it all figured out, you go girl,Chase that Rv
    As always Sheldon

    Reply
  3. Terri

     /  January 28, 2015

    I think its a wonderful idea…if I could still handle driving, I’d meet up with you from time to time. Unfortunately, driving has been taken from me too.
    I always loved that idea…freedom, beauty…….keep in touch!

    Reply
    • Awww, I’m sorry your driving days have bitten the dust. Do you have public transportation where you live? Yeah, I was meditating on “what do I want that is actually attainable for me right now?” Like, right now, not the future. So it hit me, shoot, what’s keeping me from hitting the road, in a comfortable way? I ran the numbers, and it turns out that of I sold my car and went with a small RV, it would cost about the same as living in this place that was never meant to be a dwelling. This would give me the quality of life I need, in order to keep going.

      Reply
  4. I say it’s YOUR life…….do what you want!!!

    Reply
  5. Laura, pretty magnificent idea! Sounds as if you have it all figured out, as you have done with every aspects of your life. So, go for it, it will put you in a different path with different views! Sometimes that’s all that’s needed to feel alive again! Happy Trails! Christine

    Reply
  6. Laura, it is another amazing coincidence between us, that i too, have been looking toward what will come and have been contemplating either an rv or a mobile home. the rv would give me the ability to see different places, but i worry about finding places with hookups for electric and water. a trailer would be better for that, but i would have to stay in one place.

    i think it is a fantastic idea for you to have an RV, and if you make it out here, AZ, we might actually get to meet, crazy huh? And i’m so glad you are planning for your future, as long as it holds something for you. i think that is all any of us want, what any of us would do. no one wants to live without body or mind.

    Reply
    • Great! When I lived in my horse trailer I found out very easy to find a dump station, fill up with water, etc. Most truck stops have all that because the truckers need it too…And if you have a good dog to let you know if someone approaches you can just park in truck stops FREE for the night. I used to pull into a campground every few days just to get a really good shower, dump the tanks and take on fresh water. It was worth the $35 or so, and sometimes you meet cool people who are

      Reply
  7. Fabulous idea! My husband and I had planned to do just that after our kids all left home, but it’s just not going to happen (for various reasons). We just pray he lives long enough to make the move back to WA state next summer. That is where he wants to spend the rest of his life and die, if needed by his own choice (WA is a right to die state). Anyway, just thought I’d mention that when we did a lot of camping in WA many of the parks exchange free stays for those people who are chosen to “manage” the park, or be a “host” or whatever they call it. This is usually for smaller campgrounds and doesn’t require much from the host, but you get to meet so many different kinds of people. That’s one of the best parts about long term camping to me. We camped for five months when our kids were little once. We met so many people including a small group w/ a child from Holland. They were just beginning a journey from Alaska down to the tip of S America and they had flown into Seattle with two Citroens and spare parts. We camped next to each other for several days and the kids played together even though they didn’t speak the same language and we had a lot of fun hearing about their plans, etc.
    I think you’ll be very happy if you choose to take this path. There is a lot of freedom and peace and happiness and discovery ahead if you do. I know we’d probably all like to hear about your journeys and your interactions. I hope for you the clarity to make this decision with God. Peace to your heart, Sara

    Reply
    • Wow, what an encouraging letter! Thank you so much, Sara. I feel super validated by what you’ve written here. That is really exactly what I want. Now I have to figure out how to get it! Blessings– Laura

      Reply
      • I’m so glad that sharing my experiences was helpful to you. You’ll get it figured out…maybe this time next year you’ll be sharing with us from somewhere out west, enjoying life one day at a time. Blessings

        Reply
  8. That sound dreadfully romantic. Which is to say, I love it. ❤

    Reply
  9. Laura,
    Why not. Make a plan with what you want to do with your life and do it as if you were a young girl with your whole life ahead of you because that is exactly what you have, your whole life. Make the most of it. Sit down and write it out. For example. In five years I will have visited every state in the union. I will have written a blockbuster novel. I will have been happy each and every day. I will have greeted each day with enthusiasm. Why the hell not. Do you have something better to do? Keep us informed. Good luck and lots of love.
    Anne

    Reply
    • I sure as hell do not have anything to do that I can’t do from the road. It just hit me, when I was meditating, that I have been a gypsy all of my life–why not actually consciously BE one? I can continue to blog, finish my books, work on my other projects–all the while staying somewhere if I like it, as long as I want to…and moving on when the feeling is right. I love this idea more and more. Love back –Laura

      Reply
  10. Take a very long deep breath, drink a glass of wine, email me if you want to shmooze and be calm. You don’t have to make any big decision this second. Be realistic, you may NOT be happy every single day but that’s alright, it’s called Life. Make the most out of each day, fill your heart with love. And believe, that those of us here have love in our hearts for YOU.

    Reply
  11. Laura if you follow your dream I hope you keep sending me your memoirs from the road of your many travels. I too am a faithful reader that also has many physical disabilities as well as the BiPolar Disorder. My dream though would be to go parasailing over the ocean but being that I am very obese it will never happen. But it doesn’t stop me from daydreaming about the ability to fly someday like a bird when I look up at the sky and see birds in flight. I just think it would be so cool even though I am also deathly afraid of heights lol.

    Reply
    • Hi Mary, thanks for checking in with your thoughts! I love it when a reader pipes up and tells me her dreams…..If you are afraid of heights, that might be a beautiful one to dream about…and OF COURSE I’ll send my ramblings from the road! I couldn’t possibly have that kind of adventure without writing about it, and since my blog is also my journal…well, I guess you guys will still be stuck with me….I love you all for hanging in with me as I bang along my extremely bumpy journey (whose isn’t?)! Love, Laura

      Reply
  12. That is my hubby and mine’s dream.. working on it now. Got the diesel truck that’s 5th wheel covertable. We’ve only got a travel trailer now.
    Having a bathroom and controlled environment is the bestest! We go camping twice a month during the warmer months. I would seriously recommend doing this. There are many things to assist you with the vehicle. There are many facets to this lifestyle that I’ve not researched, the good old irs needs to know where you are and there are regulations about not having an address… worry about that stuff when it comes to fruition. 🚙

    Reply
    • Great that you have a truck + 5th wheel trailer. Mine was a gooseneck grrrrr. You can just drop the trailer at a campsite and go into town for supplies and good coffee (although I’m sure you make your own good coffee in your trailer!) I found out how the mail thing works: you get a post office box where you live now, and when you get somewhere that you’re going to stay for a week or two you go to THAT post office and sign up for General Delivery or something like that. Then you call your “home” p.o. and have them forward it. I’m going to check out some RV’er sites (there are several on FB I hear) and ask the forum how they do it. The IRS should not be a problem. Thousands of retirees spend their “golden years” on the RV trail. I’m sure you’ve seen them with their tiki lights and lawn chairs LOL!!! I’m getting one of those hanging chairs that has the footrest, man. Already got the screen house.

      Reply
  13. Where do you stay in USA? I have heard California has a pleasant climate and alike India. This is the reasons many Indians choose to settle there. Are you planning to go to that part?

    Reply
    • Well, maybe California’s weather is like where YOU live, but Tamil Nadu is freezing!!! I didn’t know that when I went so all I had was lightweight dresses. I very soon had several sets of salwar kameez with stretchy churidar, like everyone else there, except for the nuts who wore sari anyway with half of themselves uncovered to the rain and monsoon wind!!! Not me. It’s like that in North Carolina where I am now–minus 40 celsius, everything is frozen, thank God my heater is working!!! I hate California because the people are not nice. Indians have each other to be with, but it’s not a place I’m attracted to. I might go to Mexico, though. There are some beautiful beaches there and the people are very sweet. I am more attracted to the Rocky Mountains, beautiful beautiful beautiful. I love the wide open vistas. I love the place that is called Four Corners because it is where Utah, Colorado, New Mexico, and Arizona all meet. It’s where the Navajo Indians (American Indians, Native Americans) are numerous. They are just the sweetest people!!! And in that area there are many Pueblos, which are small towns built into the rocky cliffs. They are in layers like a building with several stories. They get from story to story by means of wooden ladders. They make beautiful pottery and jewelry. There are SO many places to go and see! It’s like in India there are so many different kinds of terrain, languages, peoples, etc. The “regular” people here all speak English or Spanish or both, but the Native Americans have their own languages, although most of them also speak English or Spanish. I speak Spanish so that’s no problem, very helpful. I could go on and on, but I have to take my little doggie to have her teeth cleaned!
      Namasthe, dear Ashu. Why don’t you come and adventure with me for a month or two? We could have a great time! –Laura

      Reply
      • Thanks for your kind invitation Laura. It was so sweet. About my plan God willing.

        My friend did MS for North Carolina University and he was all praises about the place. I

        Reply
  14. It sounds like fun! I will admit that I was worried about you after I read your last post. I thought about it for days…I think going on vacation for the last years of one’s life is a great idea…and thank you for the Warrior Child award…I treasure it.

    Reply
    • Hi Rob! Yeah, I know my last post was grim and worrisome to many. To me, leaving one’s death unplanned, if one has illnesses that cause great suffering and are likely to progress with time, is dicey at best. We are all going to die. I know many people in their 90’s (longevity runs on my mother’s side of the family) who are still going to work every day, still playing tennis, still on the RV trail or boating, etc. These extremely fortunate people can afford to leave their deaths to chance/fate/whatever. On the other hand, people who have progressively degenerative diseases must take the initiative to think about how they want to finish their lives. Notice that I don’t say END their lives; I say FINISH, because life is bracketed between birth and death. Having just finished helping my father die a miserable protracted death, I am thinking about what I want the finish of my own life to be like. Do I want to be an invalid in a nursing home for 10, 15 years? Or do I want to peacefully and quietly say goodbye to this part of eternity? Will I be chastised, on the Other Side, for taking the bull by the horns? I don’t know. That remains to be seen, and hopefully not for a good long time.

      I am thrilled that you love your award. You totally deserve it! ❤

      I will be slowly handing them around to my many Warrior Child Bloggie Friends, so if you haven't got yours yet it's not because I don't love you, it's just that I'm slow.

      Reply
      • I think that yours is a sensible approach…I do recall though, my last visit with my Grandfather. He was in his 80’s and he was in pain, alone, my Grandmother had died the year before….he loved her deeply and I know
        he missed her. I was a callow 25 who lived in Hawaii and was deeply concerned about tanning.

        My Grandfather looked at me and said: “Don’t live too long, Robbie boy…I thought I’d be dead at 68 when I retired.” And I said, “I don’t understand. If you’re suffering, wouldn’t it be better to die.”

        And he said, “Look up at the sky and see the stars…then realize how small you are….we live until we die and we die when it’s time and not before.”

        I do wish the members of my family were a little less Lewis Carroll-ley when they spoke…

        But I did get what he meant…

        Reply
        • I get that too. Who took care of your Grandfather then?

          Reply
          • He had Family in New York. My Grandmother was Jewish and he was her second husband. My biological Grandfather died before I was born, I am named for him. The man I called Grandfather was a Christian, so you can imagine there was mucho tension between the two families which is a shame since Jesus was a Jew. I will never
            quite understand the paradox of anti-Semites who worship a Jew.

            Reply
            • Well, there you have it. In reality, many Jews are anti-semites also, by the way they behave. I don’t understand humans at all. Many times I feel like I got dropped off on the wrong planet. BTW, if your mother’s mother was Jewish, then your mother is/was Jewish, and so are you. The Jewish People are patriarchal/matrilineal, so property and tribe are passed down through the father, and Jewishness is passed through the maternal lineage. That’s because Jewish women were abducted and raped so often that the only way to make sure that someone is Jewish is if s/he emerged from a Jewish womb, never mind who the father was. Did you know that 20% of people in Spain are Jewish because of that? But of course they would be horrified to know that, because, the church. Many Spanish and Portuguese Jews had to pretend they were christians during the inquisition, and they are called Conversos, and also another name which is not so nice.

              Reply
              • I come from a family of Sephardim. My Grandmother waited until after menopause to marry the man I called Grandfather. I went to a Jewish pre-school where I was taught to read Hebrew…My Dad was Orthodox.
                I will never understand why my Father moved his Jewish family into a Southern Baptist. My entire world was fraught with disapproval and beatings.

                I was constantly being told to watch my thoughts…that may be why I don’t like to hear it now…

                Reply
                • Wow, it went beyond words and into thoughts??? I thought it was bad as a medical student taught to watch my face. Actually that has come in very handy when people have tried to bully me. But watch your thoughts? What did they mean by that?

                  Reply
                  • yes…what makes the sexual and emotional violation of a pre-verbal
                    child so damaging: it prevents the child from successfully attachments.

                    This creates the internal sense of isolation that culminates in DID.

                    If you combine a child’s need to please it’s parents with the need of the hostage to make the torture stop
                    you get a broken mind that is ripe for control.

                    Now add an environment of people
                    who are essentially brutal and dismissive of the pain they cause for
                    other people….

                    well…it’s a miracle I’m alive and can
                    tell the story.

                    This is why I have faith. 🙂

                    Reply
  15. savemefrombpd

     /  January 30, 2015

    How can anyone ever say no to your plan!!

    Reply
    • Isn’t it great??? It’s already given me a sense of freedom, even though I haven’t got seriously through the research part. But it won’t take me long…
      How are you feeling?

      Reply
      • savemefrombpd

         /  January 30, 2015

        You go for it! No wasting life away lile me sitting in a hospital bed feeling sorry for myself!

        Me.. Im in a bad state. But can’t stay in hospital. It’s been 5 weeks so far. It’s crazy. The cycle goes around and around. But this is the first time for the most intense and deep depression I have ever had.

        I’m trying to find my way out of the black hole.

        Xx

        Reply
        • Oh I am so so sorry. I’m reminded of something I learned in my NLP course: If what you’re doing (over and over and over) isn’t working for you— try something else! That’s what got my mind turned around just recently. I’m finished with my task here…I’ve been back b’Aretz three times, and it’s been somewhat disastrous three times…And I don’t want that…I have enough to suffer with already! So I’m thinking, what WOULD be fun, at this stage of my life, that is within my grasp? Hmm. I have lived a gypsy life without intending it…what if I were to do it b’kavanah??? We shall see. Good Shabbos, dear!

          Reply
          • savemefrombpd

             /  January 30, 2015

            Go for it. And tye-dye all of your clothes too!!
            Absolutely. If something isn’t working for you and you’ve tried as much as you can… Then there is no point in staying with the same thing! Gud shabbes 😉
            Xx

            Reply
  16. I suffer from bipolar with psychotic features. My goal is to live in recovery the rest of my days. To get up like a”normal” person, brush my teeth and get a shower. To volunteer within reason and cook dinner for whoever is in the house. To attend church and go to garage sales. To keep “meeting” and loving the people on my blog.
    I say go for what you want to do. If you are a collector, you may feel better with a smaller space and living a simpler life. You can pick and choose the very best items to take along. I think it sounds like a wonderful adventure. Best wishes to you. http://lilypupslife.wordpress.com/

    Reply
    • Hi Lilypup! Thanks so much for hopping in and chiming in. I very much appreciate your viewpoint and encouragement! Indeed, I do much better when space is limited. It’s much better for my brain, because chaos in my environment directly leads to more chaos in my brain. I have a very hard time finding places for random “stuff,” so I tend to just set it down anywhere and then it becomes another random thing. I found when I was living in my camper that I was very careful to keep everything neat and clean, and my brain also felt neat and clean!

      Blessings for your continued recovery. May you and all of us have the blessing of being able to get up and brush our teeth (I haven’t yet) and do whatever our hearts desire.

      Reply
  17. feel that we like or dislike a place mostly because of our experiences with the people we interact with. I have seen people living in shabby places happily because they had a good family and social interaction and if you have to live with pathetic people then even a palace is bad. I hope you find good people in real life too who can fill your life with positivity.

    Reply

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