I’ve been crying my eyes out this evening, missing my dad. A week before he died I brought a book to the nursing home to read to him. It was a book of essays by E.B. White. My favorite one is called Death of a Pig, and is, well, about the death of a pig that E. B. was raising. As I began I suddenly panicked, thinking here I am reading a rather gruesome story about death to a man who is very close to death himself. So I said, Dad, do you mind some black humor? It was an effort for him to speak at that point, but he gave me the best grin he could muster and said, “The blacker, the better!” So here’s a wonderful bit of black humor for you, Dad, full of awful puns that you would love.
A laser sight makes murder too easy.
You could be the worst sniper in the world
use the laser sight
& kill a whole lot of cats.
The JFK assassination would have played out a lot differently
if we elected cats to the presidency.
You’d watch the Zapurruder film
& after the first shot
John Furry Kittendy Jr.
would see the laser
& bat the back of the Texas Governpurr’s hat.
At the end
would still climb out the back
to get scraps of skull and brain,
but to eat them.
I promise I will never make another cat pun for the rest of my writing career.