Dissociative Identity Disorder

I LOVE THIS POST!!!! You Must Read It.  I found it on Kat’s blog.

Heathers Helpers

Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) is portrayed in the media as some sort of wacky, wild, really cool to watch phenomenon. If that isn’t their angle? They are usually discussing the controversy of the diagnoses. I understand all that but I feel that perhaps if I share what it means to me, it will take the confusion out of it for some people. I can try right?

Everyone has multiple personalities/identities. Yes, even you.
If you stop to think about it, you are not the same when out with your friends as you would be if you were out with your children. You are different with your spouse than you would be with your parents. You can become professional at work then transform to a carefree spirit when you go out for an evening with your best buddy. Even your pets get a different side of you. Yeah… I know all…

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  1. A counselor once explained it to me in a way that made sense – that I had survived an unsurvivable event by leaving behind the child that was incapable of withstanding the abuse, and had stepped into the body of a person that was created in order to navigate the territory that required a different set of skills. Each time this happened, a new person was fabricated, so that I could continue to survive. Eventually, all these different versions of myself became at odds with one another, each believing their way was the only way, which caused a great amount of internal conflict. Finally, through therapy and counseling, it became clear that although each had a legitimate voice with a unique point of view, that it was okay to allow only one voice to be the point of contact between me and the world, rather than constantly having to shift and adjust in order to meet the external criteria.

    The thing that always frightened me the most was the concept of disappearing, in that there were times that I was completely uncertain as to whether I would find my way back. That, and the confusion of never quite knowing what was real, and what was not. It can be a very liquid way in which to exist, in that everything is always in motion. The instances of complete dissociation are less prevalent now, but it helps that I’m less afraid of them, and have learned to accept that they are simply another survival tool that keeps me safe.

    • “It can be a very liquid way in which to exist, in that everything is always in motion…”

      What an elegant way of putting it. I often think of Alice when she falls down the rabbit hole and wonders whether she is going to go out, poof, like a candle.

      The fear of not being able to find one’s way back is a familiar one to me. I have stayed dissociated for years at a time. I am just now being able to **feel** the girl I was when I suffered the most abuse. She was the recipient of severe emotional abuse, and then fell into the hellish life of a teenage girl living on the streets, dissociating over and over, and then permanently. Very recently (44 years later) she has been coming to the surface, in multiples, and I am overwhelmed with all these new people in my life, who all happen to be ME. Whew.


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