Overwhelmed

Driving the hour-and-a-half into Asheville for my weekly therapy appointment, I pulled into my favorite coffee spot.  Looked around for the backpack that serves as my purse.  Not where it normally is.  Searched the car.  No backpack.  No wallet, no driver’s license, no cash, no credit card, and worst of all, NO COFFEE!  And no shopping for Shabbat dinner, no Thai food, no nothing that I usually do on Thursdays.

A rush of emotions fluttered by.  I thought about factors that might have contributed to this grave omission.

Oh, it could be that if I had my “stuff” then at the time I would be heading home, a tree would have fallen on top of my car and I would be instantly killed, so the Deity made my pack temporarily invisible so I would have to come home early, thus avoiding the tree.  I saw that happen once.  The tree fell on this woman’s car, crushing it and killing her immediately.

To be honest, that doesn’t sound half bad to me, and I found myself once more angry at G-d for keeping me here.  That is a recurring them in my life and always has been, no matter what kind of wonderful person I am and no matter who fervently wishes I would stay.  Passive suicidality, I would call it.

On the other hand, it could simply be exhaustion.  My brain is thoroughly addled by, oh, just everything.  Dad, Mom, war, growing anti-Semitism everywhere, you name it–I am exhausted and overwhelmed by it all.

I am grateful that nobody is lobbing bombs at my barn (did I mention the “living in a barn with no bathroom” part?).  I feel sorry for the Arabs whose houses are rubble, and once again I’m mystified that the common person cannot look at a picture of a demolished mosque, dome intact, and realize that if it had been bombed from above, the dome would have been destroyed.  Ballistics 101.  Not hard to figure out that the building IMPLODED, meaning that it was sitting on a cache of explosives.  Not hard to see, but people don’t often look at things with a critical eye.

I apologize to people who have sent me manuscripts and interviews, and I have not done anything with them yet.  That goes for emails, too.  I know I’ll get back on my feet pretty soon, but for now….I’m knackered, done in, overwhelmed, and exhausted.  I’m going to bed.

Blessings to all, and to all a Good Night.

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15 Comments

  1. I wish you some solid, restorative sleep.

    Reply
  2. I agree you need to sleep more sound. No dreams, no nightmares, nothing. A break from the real world for 6 hrs will refresh and prepare you for the next day.

    Love and Light.

    Reply
  3. There seems so much is going on in the world these days. So much hate. For those of us who care, it is exhausting. I wish you some good rest.

    Reply
  4. sleep well and find back to yourself

    Reply
  5. Sorry to hear you are in the darkness currently. I know it well as I, too, am forced to visit it here and there in my life. I’m sending you some *hugs*, hope, love and peace to your heart ❤

    Reply
  6. savemefrombpd

     /  August 8, 2014

    Understanding the whole hatred on the rise and all the balagan going on. It’s been really affecting me too recently since the situation here. And that’s even me living here and it’s difficult! I understand, I really do.

    I sincerely hope you manage to get some well deserved rest and catch up on some sleep. I know how much a lack of sleep can affect us physically and mentally…

    SS, please take care.

    Reply
    • Yeah, I worry about you living in the powder keg. I know how it affected me in every aspect…physically, too. Sending you blessings for koach shalva and refua. Love from Liebe–SS

      Reply
      • savemefrombpd

         /  August 9, 2014

        Amen L, Amen…

        Not easy. It’s really not. Causes me more issues in fact. Then I’m more dubious about life.

        I wish you a better week and more rest and peace of mind. Hugs to you.

        Reply
  7. Hope you feel better after restorative sleep.

    Reply
  8. With all the horrible stuff going on in the world, it’s no wonder that you are reacting in some way. I too, have felt the frustration and panic. Don’t worry about others now, just bring peace back into your LIFE. Many blessings. Laurie.

    Reply
  9. hope you get all the re-freshment you need.

    Reply
  10. savemefrombpd

     /  August 19, 2014

    Haven’t heard anything from you in a while… Concerned how you are. Please let us know.
    Sending my love.

    Reply
    • Thank you so very much for your kindness, sweetie. Dad has had a sudden decline, and almost left its twice, but he really doesn’t want to leave us so he’s putting out an incredible effort to thwart the malach ha’mavet, and so far he’s managed to stay here. But not for long. So that’s why I have been off the radar for a while, and might be, on and off, for however long it takes. Much love and thank you for caring! xoxo

      Reply
      • savemefrombpd

         /  August 19, 2014

        It is the least I can do Laura.

        Your father sounds like such a fighter. He really does. May he suffer as less as possible and when the time does come, may he leave this world in peace.

        I am thinking of you and your family.
        Sending you as many virtual hugs as I can and sending you strength. Xx

        Reply

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