Sleep, Precious Sleep

Yesterday morning my phone rang way too early.  It was a friend who probably though I get up at a normal time for a human being; but I don’t.

You see, my meds last twelve hours, and I have to sleep them off if I want to be functional the next day.

More than that.

If I don’t get the right amount of sleep, I turn manic.  Pretty simple, eh?  Meds>sleep>functional.  Not enough sleep (even with meds)>manic.

I needed to get up earlier than usual today, because there is a lot to do in preparation for Passover, and I needed a full day in which to do it.  This can usually be engineered by taking my night-time meds early.

So I did.

But nothing happened.  I didn’t get sleepy.  Instead I started feeling wired.


I thought, maybe I actually forgot to take my meds.  I looked in my pill box: tonight’s meds gone.  So I did take them, after all.

So I did what my shrink tells me to do under those circumstances: I took an extra Seroquel.  That usually knocks me down.

But not last night.  May as well have taken a sugar pill.

I took another, and a milligram of Ativan to keep it company.


By the way, in case you’re wondering, I left an hour between doses, sufficient to feel the effects of the drugs.

I was getting very concerned by this time.

So I took yet another Seroquel, an Ativan, and another Ambien (those are in my usual bedtime hammer cocktail).

Not one fucking bit of “sleepy” coming my way.

So I got out of bed, where I had been passing the time by watching Betty Boop flicks on Youtube, and began doing my Passover chores, since it was clear that I was going to have a short and shit day.  I got everything ready for cooking, chopped mountains of veggies, did all my prep work so all I would have to do is throw the brisket in the slow-cooker, throw the veggies on top, and not worry about it.

Finally the sledge-hammer anti-mania drugs took effect (oh for a few milligrams of Haldol, for quick knock-down) and I managed to get in bed before the blessed drugged sleep overcame me.

I still had to wake up earlier than usual this morning, to call the clinic and cancel my 11 am appointment for ER follow-up with my primary care doc.  I woke to my alarm, made the call, and lay back down to go back to sleep for a couple hours, since I’d already done my prep work and had the time for a longer sleep.


Not gonna happen.

So I got up, feeling cross and speedy, and made my oat matzah (gluten free), singed the meat, sauteed the veggies, made a sauce, threw it all in the slow cooker and sat down to write this.

I really want a beer, but now they’re assur, forbidden, because of being made with yeast.  Anything leavened is forbidden for one week.  Damn.  Oh well, maybe I’ll get up and clean.


Leave a comment


  1. robin1967

     /  April 14, 2014

    I feel for you- intractable insomnia is part of my life too. I don’t get full-blown mania, but insomnia does lead to mixed episodes for me.

  2. insomnia is a real bitch-just one nite can take us to mania or mixed. i always start to worry when my nite pills dont work and i dont get tired and i end up staying up way too late. hope you get good sleep tonight.

    • Thanks! Me too. Thanks for understanding 🙂

    • Thanks Kat. Yeah, when the night knockout drops don’t knock you out, you know you go a problem coming on. Tonight doesn’t feel like it’s getting off to a good start…..but then again I ran a very lively Seder, for us anyway, so I do have some surplus adrenaline hanging around. So I’ll just swing with it and see what tomorrow brings….sigh….

  3. I have not had much sleep either lately. I have a cat who has a deep sleep sensor and he jumps on me as soon as that sensor goes off. If I lock him out of my bedroom he body slams the door. I think I need to get him on some seroquel. lol

    • That is why I do not have a cat

      • lol Good choice. I went to a Sedar celebration tonight at church. We had the passover meal and then sang songs, some of the people even danced. Jewish music always makes me want to dance. It is beyond fun!

        • What fun! I’m glad your church is thoughtful in that way. We didn’t have any dancing at our Seder, but lots of singing and silliness, which helped because I managed to drag my family through most of the service before the “When do we eat?” complaints started up 😉

          • lol. It was funny last night I was thinking the same thing, “When do we eat?” I love the Messianic services more than I love the regular Christian services at my church. The music is so irresistible and I think I am going to try to learn the dances so that I can bust a move next time. lol That is if my arthritic right knee will allow me to. lol

  4. jeremymayo

     /  April 14, 2014

    So many times sleep has escaped me for so many reasons.

  5. I’m Bipolar my list of other illnesses
    chronic pain
    high blood pressure
    high cholesterol
    lactose intolerance
    fatty tissue around my liver
    My precious sleep what’s that?
    Right now I’m at the hospital reasons
    Sciatic nerve endings….
    Last time I coupe with this issue is when my children were born..
    I token several falls do to black ice….
    I’ve phone City Hall about issue who is responsible…..they told not there’re responsible……
    I was feeling left side each time I swept the floor with medication I am on I figure it would help the issue I’m dealing with no…
    Being Bipolar I’ve been survivor of traumize Chronic pain by being abuse…reminders are batter body that took the ABUSE as little girl who weigh very little. My names I got never stop….
    I wish for a good night sleep but never to be awaken…
    Cause I’ve tried since 7yrs old OD and on…God is not excepting me ain’t being survivor of 45yrs and 3yrs of good positive outlook is meeting my soul mate….yes I was married yes I have children now adults same father…I’ve move from West Coast of BC to Ontario 10yrs….in the beginning I meant a man…be aware sweet thoughts manners respect was all there. Until he ask me to move in with him….he spoke if marriage….first time a pillow being hit on my head…I thought once was enough… more since then true colors came…since then do not want to go into more than that…I meant the man I love today and forever in a lodging care home. But I moved out live on my own…since our relationship grew into wonders….his big family total welcomed love….to me wow…he still lives care home…he coupes with Parkinson’s disease….that didn’t stop us for loving each other…we think feel what one is saying…..The Given is Given 50/50 into 100% relationship….
    I wish all people support to who I am…I’m good listener i don’t run I look behind sit with person….giving expects what want to hear…’s not there’re fault….person who gave grief upon is there’re fault. …we can only do to help…I’m believer in Gods Will of a follower giving to others… can change takes time patience not in a hurry…I have time…
    Being who I am I was set free after my mothers death…found myself….

  6. Like you I know how critical regular sleep patterns and a good night’s sleep are for stability. I am very fortunate that my meds have always been effective for me on that score. I have started taking lithium in the past few weeks after a long overdue meds review with my psych. (This alongside my serequel and lamotrigine)I don’t feel any different really – but I guess it’s early for that. We got the cleaning finished on time and hosted 14 1st night. 2nd we were invited out – baruch Hashem!!!!! I had planned to go cycling in the sunshine today, but post yom tov clear up and washing loads have put a stop to that – maybe tomorrow…..

    However much your struggles dominate your life the way you write about them is inspiring to me.

    • Chag Sameach, Nick, and thanks for the kind words! I am convinced that sleep stabilizes neuronal membranes and has a huge part in regulating their normal vs abnormal firing, thus having a lot to do with our brain health and function. That’s why sleep can be a catalyst for good days/bad days. Lithium does take a month or more to kick in. Hang in there! And just erase the time you’ve spent cleaning and Chag-ing because that’s stress-time and doesnt count in Lithium onset time!


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