Overwhelmed With Weird

I think I need my head examined.

Since today kept getting more and more bizarre, I just had to chill out with a movie.  A movie that my psychologist suggested that I watch with my son, way back when he was (WAS!!!) dating a woman with Borderline Personality Disorder, who called him every thirty seconds and texted him in between calls, and became irate when he didn’t return her texts while he was in meetings.  My bone-chilling fear was that she would manage to get pregnant…….but thank G-d she did not, and at last he developed, through hard work, the strength to finally leave her.

The movie, of course, is Fatal Attraction.

My skin is still crawling.

I must be having a masochistic spell, or I certainly wouldn’t have pulled that one out of the hat.  Or maybe I just needed to see something weirder than my real life, these days.

Dad is doing much better now that he’s home from the nursing home.  Mom is busy working on that, though, by encouraging him to stand up by himself in the bathroom (that’s when he falls down–when he’s standing up, because he can’t feel his legs, and the tile floor is always hard).  ‘Round and ’round and ’round she goes, and where she stops, nobody knows.

I’m glad Dad is better.  We get to spend more quality time together.  After I gave him his lunch today, we had tea.  He wanted a really strong tea, so he chose Irish Breakfast, and I had Earl Grey.  As we shared our tea, conversation floated naturally from one topic to another.  Then, on his way to the cookie jar, he fell asleep in his wheelchair, and I let him nap in peace.

My mother came in from shopping with her usual flourish, braying for the cat and waking Dad, which is hard to do.  I waited until everything was settled down, and gathered my things to go.

As I was getting ready to leave, and before I had a chance to put my raincoat on, she slapped me on the arm…hard.

 Memories of stinging childhood slaps.

“Don’t hit me!” I yelled.

“Why not?  I can hit you if I want to.  You’re my child!” Smirked Mrs. Social Worker Guardian-Ad-Litem.

“Parents who hit their children get reported to Social Services.  Remember?”  My mouth said it, but my mind was numb.

“Oh.  Yes,” she said blankly.

So I go home and watch Fatal Attraction.

What a jerk.

I. Am. On. The. Wrong.  Planet.  Phone home.

Leave a comment

32 Comments

  1. Why did she hit you? Not that it makes it ok. But did she just ‘decide’ to lash out? Sorry, I probably shouldn’t ask. But it is weird to just lash out and say, ‘because you’re my child’. I’m trying to get my head round it.x

    Reply
    • I don’t think she had an actual reason to hit me. That’s just the way she is. One minute singing like a bird, the next smacking me either verbally or physically. It’s maddening, to say the least. Has, in fact. Made me Mad.

      Reply
  2. Totally. Unacceptable. I’m sorry this is the way it is. It shouldn’t be. Wrong on so many counts. Have my hugs. I hope she heals. For her sake and for yours and those around in family.x

    Reply
  3. Praying with you for miracles. Sometimes it’s all we can do. And everything we can do.x

    Reply
  4. I cannot bring myself to click “like,” so I’ll just say, “God bless you!!”

    Reply
  5. ugh, god, sounds so much like my mother. they don’t need a reason to abuse, they just do it. im guessing somehow it makes them feel in control. but i dont really care, i just dont want to be the recipient anymore. and so im sorry you have to keep her in your life, for the sake of being with your father. but, it does sound as if your father is doing better at home, so at least there’s that.

    wishing you the best. and next time you see her, tell her if she hits you again, you’ll hit her back. and if she persists, you’ll call the cops for assault. good luck. hang in there. (my daughter used to bite for no apparent reason, til one day i bit her back. she never bit again).

    Reply
    • Thanks so so much for your support, Kat. It really helps. I’m sorry you have/had a mother like that. I would go No Contact in a microsecond if it weren’t for my dad. She’s got me blackmailed there. All I can hope is that a) I outlive her, which is unlikely because she has 100+ year genes and is healthy as a horse physically; b) I survive long enough to see Dad safely into the next world, and make my escape quickly without much further damage.

      I’d love to hit her back, but can’t, for two reasons: 1) It would be considered “elder abuse” and she would LOVE to have me jailed for that–what a triumph for her! and 2) once I got started, I might not be able to stop, and then we’d have a real disaster. As far as I know, I’m even taking a risk writing this, because there has been a rash of “adult child vs. elderly parent murder-suicides.” Believe me, I have no intention of giving up my own life just to take revenge on her, even though I often have to simply leave their house “for no reason” just to keep from reacting to her constant barbs and even, now, physical abuse. And she is a well-respected and honored “pillar of the community,” so no one would even believe me if I spoke out. Ugh.

      Reply
      • well, of course i never actually meant really hurt her, so i guess instead you’ll just have to try to stay out of arms reach from her. but i am glad your dad seems to be doing ok at home, and that you are there for him now. im sorry your road to hoe is so broken and filled with obstacles. heres hoping that with each obstacle encountered, the remaining ones will be that much easier.

        Reply
  6. This reminds me of the day I was driving along enjoying my day and i decided to call my mother who proceeded to dump all of her complaints in my ear. I asked her not to complain and she said she had a right to because she was my mother. I told her that did not give her the right to ruin my day. I think you have it worse though. I always watch the ID channel on TV the one about real life murders. I may be much further gone in my demise than you are because I not only had a mother who was a narcissist but also a ex-husband who is the same.

    Reply
    • I know what you mean. We tend to “marry our parents” because, well, it FEELS LIKE HOME! That’s why we have these “chemical attractions” to people who turn out to be abusers, just like our parents are/were. I’ve stopped even wanting a relationship because I can’t trust my inner “abuser radar,” which I believe is critically broken. Being lonely occasionally is much better than being a prisoner in a torture chamber narcissist dungeon, which is what most of my relationships have been.

      Reply
      • I can relate to that so easily. I have three siblings though who have all married wonderful people so I am wondering why the tendency is for me to attract jerks. Maybe I am seeing a jerk where I should be seeing a prince.

        Reply
        • In families of narcissistic parents there is usually one sibling who is singled out as the scapegoat, while one is the “golden child” who can do no wrong, and the others are pretty much ignored. Maybe you were the scapegoat?

          Reply
          • I think we all were at times but I was probably more so when i was young than the others. Or maybe I was just more sensitive. My older sister said she always strove to be the “perfect” child. I figured out at the age of three that there is no “perfect” in my family. lol

            Reply
  7. teddymear

     /  March 17, 2014

    Laura, this makes me wonder what she does to your father when you aren’t around. She is one sick woman.

    Reply
    • Mear, you are so right. The latest thing I know about is that she gave my father, who suffers from dementia, one of those dishwasher detergent tablets that looks like a piece of candy, even has a wrapper on it–for what reason I don’t know–and he unwrapped it and took a bit out of it. Luckily she had a moment of fear and stopped him from eating the whole thing, which would have make him very sick at the least. Now she’s using it as an example of how “stupid” he is. Unfortunately, I do wish something, not having anything to do with me, would happen to the bitch, like maybe a tree falling on her or getting struck by lightening. Sometimes I think I’d be better off just moving back to Israel and letting the whole thing play out however it does. But I don’t think I’d be able to enjoy it, out of worry for my dad.

      Reply
  8. Sorry your Mom is such a jerk (if that’s out of line I apologize, but the way she deals with your Dad & hitting out of the blue like that are totally innapropriate.) But I am glad to hear your Dad is doing a little better.

    Reply
    • Thanks, Jenny. She certainly is a jerk. Just today she put me down in front of three visiting hospice nurses. Guess she must be slipping–she used to only do that in private.

      Reply
  9. This is weird. All I feel for your mother is pity. She does not know what she has lost and is still loosing with her irrational behaviour. Hope the divine light enters her and she gets a clear perspective on things.

    I cannot understand your ordeal Laura because only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches but believe me I have met certain people whose actions bring shame to virtues like love, trust and compassion. After years fighting the feeling of being a victim I have moved on believing in the principle that it was a previous karmic account. Strength to you.

    Take care
    Ashu

    Reply
    • Achu, I admire you so much for being able to cast off the victim role in favor of looking at it as a karmic debt, which I do too, but when I am immersed in the situation I have trouble distancing myself from it. When I lived peacefully in Israel it was so much easier. Even then, when I visited I could expect to be attacked on some way, but since I didn’t live there it was easier to say, OK, I don’t understand what this is about but surely it’s about something. I stayed at an Ayurvedic hospital in Tamil Nadu for ten weeks. The doctor was wonderful about helping me to understand that this was probably a debt I had to pay from some other incarnation. Hebrews also believe in reincarnation, so it made sense to me. I also pray that the Divine Light should illuminate her soul, and heal the broken places within her, so that she no longer has the need to lash out.

      Blessings, Ashu. You are a light to me in this dark place.

      Reply
  10. Thanks for liking and following on my blog … my head kind of hurts after reading this … haven’t even made it all the way through the comments, and I had to stop reading. Will be back when my intestinal fortitude has recharged. I don’t even have a clue what to say, but want to say something supportive, so I’ll try saying that I’m sorry this is your reality for today, and that I hope you follow these abusive and random episodes with some form of being kind to yourself, and that you find ways to throw more light on the beautiful things in your life.
    In a completely selfish thought process, I can’t even begin to tell you how relieved I am that I’m not in your shoes (and I don’t mean that in a hurtful way). A quick look at my blog will tell you that both my parents abused me in different ways as I was a growing child and adolescent and well into adulthood, but I’m at that place where both my parents are dead and gone, and I’m also at that place where I was successfully able to make peace with both my Mother and Father before their deaths. Which would likely never have been possible if either one of them continued to be abusive in any way (which explains why it worked better with my Mother, who was sincere and sorry and changed everything about how she spoke to me, rather than with my Father, who was sincere and sorry, but continued some of the subtle power plays all the way through to the end).
    Don’t want to get too deep into my story, but just wanted to say that my head hurts *aches, spins, and recoils in horror* at the thought of you trying to be there for your Dad, while having to endure the continued random attacks from your Mom. Good on you for finding a way to power through, and continue the journey. I can surely see why a dose of Fatal Attraction could be in order. Anything that allows us to say “not my situation” offers a tiny taste of relief, especially when relief is so hard to come by. Hang in there, and I look forward to exploring your blog further. When my head quits hurting.

    Reply
    • I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to reply. I was so triggered, I just couldn’t even look at my computer for a couple of days. Sorry it made your head hurt! I’m really glad your mom got it together to see what is really valuable in life before hers ended. Sorry your dad didn’t quite get there. I haven’t made it to certain corners of your blog yet. I’ve been too triggered to try to read. Soon, though, I hope. I really want to read about your experiences. Take care of yourself xoxo

      Reply
      • Take care of me?

        Stand in front of the mirror, and repeat those words.

        Hang in there, sister. Hang in there.

        No worries on the replies. Just because I tend to talk in paragraphs, and sometimes, all at once, don’t worry yourself about replying. When, and if, then great. You have other things to occupy your time. I’ll pop in and yack at you some more as time allows. I’ve been (deliberately?) sort of neglecting my blog lately, and have been spending more time reading other blogs. I’m looking forward to reading more of yours, when I can. In manageable bites.

        Reply
        • Thank you so much for your support! It really means a lot. Yes, I have identified some ways of Taking Care Of Me, and I am enjoying doing them, too. And I’ve realized that there are things about my mom that I absolutely cannot change single-handed. It’s like the joke, “How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.” So I’m working on changing myself, which is the real game-changer, isn’t it, because if I stop my own cycle of being triggered by her abusive behavior, then it won’t work for her. Now, I have done this in the past, and what she’s done in response is to simply change her methods of abuse, so I will have to remember that fact and be prepared to ride that wave. Doesn’t do much for my PTSD pattern of hyper-vigilance, but if I can side-step some of the sh*t thrown in my direction, it will be worth it.

          Reply
  11. Girl, ouch. Hum…….this is def a hard thing to comment on but I know that you know she is ill. I know to care for your dad you cannot get her out of the equation and out of the way but you just put up your shield and wield your spiritual sword and walk upright knowing that even when you feel like praying revenge, you know G-D is on your side. He is. and well…..HE IS.
    Blessings my sister. Drive out for a Hot Fudge Sunday and just enjoy it. Hell, get extra fudge and dig that first warm bite!

    Reply
  12. I am not getting your posts in my reader! Found a bunch today! WP sucks!

    Reply
    • Have you checked your “manage subscriptions” page? I’m sure you have. And I’m sure you’ve clicked the “follow me by email” button at the top of my sidebar. I get your posts, I wonder what’s the problem. If the above things aren’t working for you, maybe you should mention it to a Happiness Engineer. Maybe there’s something wrong with my button. That sounded weird, didn’t it?

      Reply
      • HAHAHA, your button is…unique! I only get 1-2 days on the Reader then it flips to one month ago or says there is nothing else available. My New Posts on my dashboard is all messed up too–keeps blanking out to white. You are supposed to go to email but you don’t–you aren’t the only one who I am not getting.

        Reply

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