I had a very Aspie day today.
On Autistic Spectrum forums (actually the word is “fora” because “forum” is Latin and its plural is “fora” but since nobody would know what I meant I left it “forums” which is incorrect) (you see what I mean?) I rant and rave about the fact that “autistic children” grow up to be “autistic adults” but everyone associates the word “autistic” with “children.” Admit it: I say the word “autistic,” what’s the word association that pops into your mind? “Child” or “children,” dollars to donuts.
Anyway of course nobody on the fora disagrees with me so I can rant all I want to. But today, after doing something socially awkward for the 20,000th time, I realized that once an Autistic Spectrum child, always an Autistic Spectrum child. It still hurts just as bad to be excluded from a conversation that I invited myself into as it did when I would try to insinuate my undesirable self into a game of jumprope or kickball. No one wanted to play with me because I was WEIRD.
Well, I’m still weird, and I still have trouble taking turns and waiting to be picked for Red Rover. I never did get picked for Red Rover because I was Weird and Not Popular. And socially awkward, and completely baffled by the behavior of other children. It was WRONG. It was not FAIR. They had their cliques and I was not in any of them.
So now, when I find myself in those same sorts of uncomfortable situations when I don’t know how one is supposed to behave, and I decide to be brave and take a flyer at it and it turns out to be the wrong one, and I get those same looks, stares, and then they turn away or just leave, why, I realize that although my body has aged, I’m STILL an Autistic Child. So maybe I shouldn’t get all bent out of shape when all the media etc. ever talks about is Autistic Children.