Well, That Was Fun…Wasn’t It?

Look, I love my psychiatrist.  I think he’s a genius.  He thinks he’s a magician, so he’s all right by me.  In my opinion, you have to be crazy to be a psychiatrist in the first place–a good one, that is.

We’ve been riding this boat called my brain in more or less rough waters for, oh, twelve years now, with a few breaks for me to galavant across the country or the world.  So he knows my inner clockwork pretty well, and I know his pretty well, and most of the time it works out.

See, I have always lived an inner life, and never much paid attention to my environment.  I chalk that up to my considerable Aspergerian tendencies, and unless someone comes to visit and I am painfully reminded that I haven’t cleaned in years (you think I’m kidding?), I don’t even notice it.

My shrink thinks my essential disorganization is due to inattention.  He thinks that stimulants will fix it.  He’s had me try dexadrine in almost every form there is.  In fact, he just mailed me an Rx for Dexadrine Spansules, which is what you give kids mixed in apple sauce.

So I have this whole amphetamine pharmacy that I can’t quite bring myself to take to the “medication recycling day” at the drug store.  Hmph.  I know what THEY do with it anyway.  They get ripped, is what.

So last time he gave me the long-acting dexadrine I thought it worked pretty well, but never remembered to take it after that.  You must know that I am the mother who had to give the school nurse my son’s bottle of Ritalin because I could never remember to give it to him and the phone would ring reliably at 10 am:  “Doctor, did you forget to give your son his Ritalin again?”  Because without it, he was just like a top bouncing off of everything in the room and crying at the same time.  Five milligrams of Ritalin, and the sun came out all smiles.  So I had his doctor write the prescription for the school nurse to give, and life was good.

Ooooh-kaaaay, back to my story.  Yeah.  So I saw my magician on Thursday, and he encouraged me to try the stuff again, and he also prescribed a light box, 10,000 lux, for my persistent depression.  All good so far.

Yeah.  So yesterday I took a long-acting dexadrine 10 mg in the morning, which is what he said to do.  Only, you gotta understand, my mornings start at around 11 am because my night-time meds take so long to wear off.  So I took it as soon as the coffee kicked in, which might have been noon by that time.

About four o’clock I was sailing.  I was literally cookin’ along, because I prepare a big family dinner every Friday night and so I was choppin’ and marinatin’ and having a general good ol’ time.

Eight o’clock and I was still buzzed.  I started feeling a little cranky so I took an Ativan.  No dice, did nothing.  Ten o’clock, I took my usual night-time sledgehammer dose of Ativan, Clonipine, Zolpidem and Seraquel.  That usually results in unconsciousness within half an hour.

Nope, not last night.  Instead, I went into a state of half-wake, half-dreaming.  I think that’s what vampires must do.  It’s certainly not anything I would call sleeping.  I lay on my pillow, eyes lightly closed, alternately shivering and drawing the blankets up to my chin, and breaking out in sweats and throwing the covers off.  Haven’t had anything like that since I laid off menopause.

Finally at seven (seven!) I turned over and said to the dog, “This ain’t goin’ nowhere.  I’m gettin’ up.”  She opened one eye and shut it again.  She’s a late sleeper too.

Noga, my Lhasa Apso PSD, getting her beauty sleep

Noga, my Lhasa Apso PSD, getting her beauty sleep

I made coffee, drank it, and went to work deleting emails.  If you knew how many thousands of unread emails I have in my many email accounts, I’m sure you’d think less of me.  But anyway, that’s what I did.

Long about 11 o’clock, the sun came up over the mountain like it usually does.  The dog stretched and yawned and demanded her morning petting session (kisses and hugs too) before she went outside to take care of business.

After she came in, I fed her, and then we both went back to bed and slept till it got dark.  Now it’s 11 pm, and I’m waiting for the nighttime meds to kick in.  I might try that stimulant shit again, at seven in the morning like you’re supposed to.  Then again, I might not.

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19 Comments

  1. Just a Awesome a bit funny post. 🙂 I can relate to a lot of what you shared. YOU KNOW….they do make a weekly Pill Box, so you won’t forget to take your meds!..LOL…
    When my doc started me on 100mg of Seroquel at nighttime for my Bipolar mood swings and insomnia a few years ago, my days also started LATE! Now I go to bed early on the days I write & Blog…WHY? Because I’m on West coast time, so peeps on east coast time have 3 hours ahead of me! LOL….But Hey, we do what we have to do to stay on course!
    Thanks for sharing! *Catherine* PS….Isn’t it interesting how our pets learn our sleep patterns! I Luv that the dog Sleeps in TOO! 🙂

    Reply
    • So yeah, I see you understand. And yeah, I’m really grateful that Miss Noga the Princess also sleeps in….and right now, after her dog food she is in her habitual spot on the right arm of my recliner, relaxing while I have my coffee and check my mail.

      Reply
      • AAAWWW…..Our pets are family, and I do miss my 2 babies (Cats)….they gave me a little sense of purpose, and loads of Love & Playtime!! They are therapeutic for us! 🙂 Have a wonderful SUNDAY! *CAT*

        Reply
        • Yes, they do give us a sense of purpose. I would like to ask why it is you don’t have kitties now, but it’s none of my business 😦 Have a wonderful Sunday yourself! I’m gearing up to take my Little Princess out for a walk on this blustery cold but sunny day.

          Reply
  2. maybe it would be better to just take the ‘non 21hr kind’?so if you took it at 11am, it should be worn off by 11pm, and then you take night meds and fall asleep in a half hour?

    Reply
    • Right. So he gave me the short-acting kind, which when it wears off in 4 hours I feel totally exhausted. He presented me with an argument for this that I have given many people, to whit, that I feel exhausted anyway but it’s only after I’ve felt better on the pill for a few hours that I actually notice it. OK, that’s possible. So he said, just keep the 4 hour pills on me somewhere and take a half or a quarter (I’m very sensitive to meds) and when I feel that wearing off take some more, kind of nibble at it all day. I laughed at him. Does he really expect me to remember to do that? I might as well set an alarm on my phone for every two to three hours, but then I would have to actually look at it instead of just shutting the noise off, which is probably what I’d do. The reality is, I’m not like Most People, never have been, never will be, and I need a housekeeper. Badly.

      Reply
      • im sorry. i didnt mean to be flip. im sorry it is so difficult for you to get this worked out so that it can be of benefit. good luck to you, hoping you find a way to get it worked out.

        Reply
    • Theoretically, yes. But my brain eschews the science of pharmacokinetics and does what it damn pleases….sigh…..

      Reply
  3. Meds sure screw up your life as much as help it…. I wonder if there really is an answer? Thanks for the humorous look at life on a med schedule.) Susan x

    Reply
    • Boy, is that true or what??? I know that if I didn’t have my key meds (Lithium, Lamectil, Seroquel, and three types of benzos) I would probably not have lived as long as I have. And I can’t blame them for keeping me out of work, because I was out of work before. They just keep me alive and out of the hospital. **sigh** and thank you!

      Reply
      • Laura, I wish I had your sang froid about this. I really dislike taking all these pills. There are days when my hours are simply regulated by what to take, when, with or without food and I feel damned awful after. I suppose eventually either I’ll get rid of the bugs or I’ll get used to the meds. (Shudder) what a thought.
        Keep smiling.) Susan x

        Reply
        • **sigh** can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em…if my sang wasn’t froid, it’d be boiling so it’s a survival strategy, I suppose, to try to make something funny out of it. Like, I used to think “America’s Funniest Home Videos” was horrifying. I still do…only now I’m the star of the show! Groan…..

          Reply
  4. My memory doctor thinks I also have adult ADD, but he wont prescribe without my psychiatrist agreeing. My psychiatrist says he will not allow bipolar patients to be treated with stimulants because there are too many cases of full blown mania and people jumping off buildings as a side effect. Of course, he says the same about using antidepressants for my fibromyalgia. So I am forgetful, irritable, inattentive and always in pain. Bipolar really limits one to other meds, under most prescribers, due to fear of “mania”.

    Reply
    • Hmmm. My shrink absolutely won’t go with antidepressants with me, because he’s seen the very unfortunate results (I met him in the hospital after a horrible mixed episode, brought on by another shrink’s attempts to treat my bipolar depression with more and more and still more antidepressants). He is of the opinion that stimulants absolutely do not cause “switching” because of the way their neurochemistry stimulates alertness, not mania. As we were discussing which of the alertness-medicine choices there were, he even mentioned Provigil! My previous shrink put me on that once when overdoses of antidepressants had me confined to my bed, being unable to move. Now THERE was a case of one-foot-on-the-gas-pedal, the-other-on-the-brake. When he said “Provigil” I felt like I had been stuck with a poker and yelled “No! No! No!” Oh dear, I make a very poor drug addict. So now I’m back on the Dexadrine, short acting, very cautiously. Actually I think all I need is a really good housekeeper to take care of me and my messes, and a nice study in which to finish my books, and my usual meds, and enough money to keep it all going. Wouldn’t that be nice?

      Reply
      • A nice goal….now you first need the money stream to get the rest….unless you can find a rich sugar momma who likes to clean and wants to sponsor your writing (and your library, preferably built to your specifications). Put a want add on your blog, cant hurt, and you can always chalk it up to a bipolar moment…or a bipolar suggestion…LOL

        Reply
        • OOO! OOO! OOO! That’s what I need, a sugar mama to love me and bring in a really good maid who doesn’t steal (you would not believe the things I have lost to maids), and an interior designer, and a library with floor-to-ceiling shelves and sliding stacks. Yeah, that would do it! Only problem is, I’m a hermit and anybody else in my space makes my teeth itch. So the sugar mama would have to live somewhere else. Poor sugar mama. On the other hand, maybe an amazing wonderful opportunity to write somewhat satyrical columns in, say, Rolling Stone, might alleviate the financial issues. Bye-bye, sugar mama.

          Reply
          • Ok, you need to attract someone from Rolling Stone. You can do it, from all you have done you can sell fool’s gold at gold prices. Go for it!
            LOL on your response to my short sighted suggestions. Hmmm…your dog is cute, any way you can get him into doggie modeling?

            Reply

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