NEDA Awareness Week, Day 4: THIN, a documentary

This is a film about eating disorders. When I was twelve my mother called me “fat ass” one time too many, and I began restricting and vigorously exercising. I dropped from 118 lb to 78 lb over one year. Nobody noticed, except that my mother said I “looked good.” She also has an eating disorder. Over a period of years I gained weight up to 97 lbs and thought I was horribly fat. Now I’m at the upper limit of normal BMI and very nervous about that. I have started exercising again, which is good, but having cravings to count calories and go back to logging everything I put in my mouth. This kind of film actually triggers my anorexic longings, instead of the opposite. I don’t think the people who made it intended it that way, but that’s how it has turned out for me: “I just want to be thin.”

Atoms & Empty Space: Your 'Shatter the Stigma' Database

A documentary by Lauren Greenfield, THIN follows โ€œthe story of four women suffering from anorexia and bulimia in South Florida.โ€

Polly Williams was found dead at her residence in February of 2008, presumably from suicide.

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8 Comments

  1. Strange how sometimes focusing on our problems can actually draw us closer to acting them out. I pray you develop healthy diversions. Keep writing about it. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  2. I really feel for you…you face many challenges in your life and having something from the past rear its head up again just seems so unfair, doesn’t it? I suppose we can call it another opportunity for growth, but sometimes I know I get really tired of growing all the time when it is through difficulties and I’m sure you do as well. I pray for you for healing from this affliction…perhaps focus on those things that helped you in the past with healthy eating and exercising to get back on top of it. ? And if that doesn’t work, just kick its butt!

    Reply
  3. My goodness, 78 lbs? Thank goodness you have a healthy weight now.

    I am sorry about all the pain and stress you’ve had to go through

    Reply
    • Yeah, I know, right? My brain (the part that thinks) knows very well that there’s nothing wrong with my size. The irony is that for the last five years I’ve been sick, and lost a lot of weight. I hated being sick, but LOVED being thin, even though my skin was literally hanging off my bones! It’s an addiction, like any other. I may be sober but I’m still in recovery.

      Reply
      • Sadly it is, yes. It is terrible to have that inner conflict. But the good thing is that there IS a part of your brain knows there is nothing wrong with your size now. That’s half the battle, methinks.

        HUGS

        Reply
        • Thank you! But that’s the irony of this particular addiction. Your brain KNOWS, but when you look in the mirror, all you see is FAT. If you watch the movie you will see this great exersize hat the art therapist does with one of the girls. She has the girl draw a life-size outline of herself. Then she has the girl stand up against the outline, and the teacher draws her actual outline, which is much smaller than what she sees herself as. The girl has doubts that the real outline is real. It’s a mindfuck that you just have to live with and just like an alcoholic, keep the faith that it’s not really who you are.

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