Depression Comix Reblog: Coke Whore, to me

This is exactly how I used to feel after waking up next to a stranger, in my coke-whore days. It took about two years of coke addiction to figure out that since I couldn’t afford the stuff, I would sleep with the dealer (or anybody else who would turn me on to a few lines) in order to get it “for free.” Problem was, the stuff completely made my depression go away….until I came down, and then I felt like the girl in this comic. Finally I figured out that I was actually prostituting myself in order to get the drug that only temporarily made me feel better, and when it wore off made me feel dirty, slutty, and suicidal–and I quit cold turkey, because I couldn’t stand being enslaved to a drug habit that required prostitution to maintain. Thanks again to Clay for bringing back this memory of the “bad old days” that needs some processing.

Depression Comix

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5 Comments

  1. You went to a place that scared me to death. I am alcoholic. I am so alcoholic that I was unemployable. I had a job of sorts when I got sober, but I was doing a lousy job at my job. I don’t know why my boss wouldn’t fire me. I was drinking a fifth a day, every day. One day I walked into the doors of AA trying to get sober. I’ve stayed sober ever since, precisely because I knew if I went back to drinking, prostitution was waiting for me. I’ve stayed sober 33 years now and it’s been this fear that has helped me to scrape through some very rough times sober.
    May God totally bless you,
    robin

    Reply
  2. ps – I’m also very, very bipolar. I found this out when I went psychotic at 1 year sober.
    r

    Reply
    • Wow. I applaud and envy your courage! Yes, sometimes fear is a good thing. That’s what made me quit coke–waking up next to a known gangster in Chicago one morning, knowing that he could have offed me and I wouldn’t even have known it. Or he could have sold me into a brothel–anything. I knew I had to quit, but I was chicken to go to NA–actually I didn’t even know there WAS such a thing, but I was chicken to tell anybody that I was an addict–so I just quit, and it wasn’t any fun. But I am convinced that it saved my life. I’m very proud of what you did. It took guts and I’m sure it still takes guts, 24/7/365. And believe me, if somebody walked into this room and cut me a line–I don’t know that I’d have the guts to tell them to go to hell.

      Reply
  3. muffin93

     /  June 8, 2015

    I know how this type of comedown feels…it makes me feel suicidal, depressed, worthless and all of that too. I’m happy you are now out of that darkness and is a survior, as you know. Be very proud of yourself regardless because you are still here baby. 🙂 For a whole year (maybe more) I got coke free from my dealer because he was and still is in love with me lol but now i stopped cause of the comedown and molly is a lot better. But two days ago i did a lot at a party and got a ride home from a guy that kept giving me lines then made a move on me, I felt it was expected by him for me to get sexual cause he gave me so much coke and i felt like a bitch for not doing anything to repay (he didnt take the money i offered) so we had sex. This was the first time I ever really felt like a coke whore because I used my body to repay someone who gave me drugs and the comedown was even worse than usual. But I am proud to say I never was, is and hopefully will ever be addicted or a coke whore.

    Reply
    • Wow, what a roller coaster! Hang in there, now that you know….and keep as far away from coke as you can get. That is an evil, evil drug and will make us do things we can’t un-do. Take care, and thanks for being here!

      Reply

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