Why am I not asleep?

Maybe you’ve noticed that this is my third post today. I guess it’s technically not today anymore because it’s past midnight. If you follow my blog, you know that I rarely, if ever, post more than once a day. That’s because people don’t like to get bombarded with posts, and are less likely to read them, judging from my scientific sample size of one.

I’ve had my evening drug cocktail, and when it didn’t seem to be going anywhere I used my adjuvant, which is a secret recipe having to do with Ouzo and Absinthe. Yes, I am well aware that this is frowned upon by mainstream psychiatry, but I have never had much truck with mainstream anything and I don’t imagine I’ll start now.

I just took another milligram of Ativan, and I might just take another to keep it company. Tomorrow morning is trashed already, so why not do whatever it takes to waltz off to dreamland without accidentally killing myself? That would be so hard on the fam. I’ll be careful, I promise.

All of the above points clearly to hypomania. I’ve seen it coming for a couple of days. I’ve been unusually creative, played my fiddle until my bow hand gave out, finally started and finished the first painting in a series I’ve been visualizing for several years, and spent way, way more time on Facebook and Twitter than was good for me, even though it is for a good cause.

Hmm, I just gave myself an idea. Why not get out of bed after taking that second Ativan and play my fiddle until a) I fall asleep or b) the sun comes up? I will think about it for another ten minutes, and if I’m still wide awake, that’s what I’ll do. Hope you are all having a peaceful, blissful sleep…

Postscript: after rattling around the house aimlessly I realized with a flash of insight that I had forgotten to take my quetiapine, the antipsychotic that puts me to sleep like a hammer, usually. In fact I normally must take it by 9 pm if I am to make it out of bed by 10 am. It affects me like that. And my doctors get a kick out of the baby dose I take, 50 mg, but it’s what does the trick. So now I’ve taken it, we’ll see if it can head this train off at the pass, to mix some metaphors. Shaken, not stirred.

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  1. I totally understand. I have been hypomanic now im just down I also received bad news to though. I love that you wrote “your truth” it was honestly written and I look forward to reading more of your posts. stay strong. you gave me the idea to take an Ativan. 🙂

    • Hi, good to hear from you. Us bipolar babes got to stick together. It really helps me to have an online community I can count on for support and sisterhood, even the few guys that frequently post 😉

      Yeah, some Vitamin A might not be a bad idea

      Take care, hope you get some sleep!

      • I totally agree with you. I wish I knew more people living in my area with bi polar. 🙂

    • I’m sorry about the bad news hope you are all right

      • I believe it will work out the way it is meant to work out. I have faith in what is unseen

  2. Yikes! Hope it gets under control and you can sleep

    • It turned out that I had forgotten to take my Seroquel. Once I remembered and took it (around 2 am!) sleep arrived in due time. Now my schedule is all screwed up, but tomorrow is Shabbos, yay! No obligations. I can sleep all day if I want to and get back on track.

  3. I do me my quetiapine for that reason. If the insomnia is especially bad, then it’s oh… adding mere minutes of up and grumpy? *chuckles* I hope you had a good sleep. 🙂

    • I did! I even had some dreams I was loth to leave behind…although I also had a nightmare wherein my son went back to his hell-bitch girlfriend. That one better not be true! OK, these dreams are proof to my always cynical brain that I did indeed sleep. I love the way you describe the role of Vitamin Q LOL

  4. I know sleeplessness is not new to you. But hope you are asleep as I write this 🙂


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