Is Prostitution Ever Voluntary?

Yes, I know this is a blog about being bipolar.  And you know what?  I think the topics of bipolar-ism and prostitution go hand in hand.

And why is that?  It is because pimps hone in on the vulnerable, the lonely, the ones who are looking for love and not finding it, the ones with poor self esteem, the depressed, the confused.  And because the mentally ill often become homeless, jobless, drug-addicted, and desperate.

It’s still January, and January is Human Trafficking Awareness Month.  I’ve been reading a lot and learning a lot about the dynamics of sex trafficking and prostitution.  Among the things I’ve learned are that:

  • Depending on the study, the average age for entry into prostitution is 11 to 13 years old.
  • The vast majority of prostituted youth (and adults) come from abusive homes.
  • Girls (and sometimes boys) are often “groomed” by “loverboys” who give them jewelry, clothes, and mostly, attention, and when they are “ready” they are abducted and forced into a life of slavery.
  • This goes on in virtually every country.
  • Girls who try to refuse to cooperate are beaten and raped into submission
  • Girls are “domestically trafficked,” which means they are moved from city to city within a country: like from Columbus, OH to Detroit, MI, for instance
  • Girls as young as 12 and 13 get arrested, thrown into jail, and charged with prostitution, while pimps and johns go scot free

Can you imagine being taken away and raped over and over, many times a day, for years, until you either “disappear” or get spit out on the street because you are too old to appeal to the child rapists any longer?  It just totally tears me apart.

And then there is the child pornography.  Need I say more?

But prostitution is “the oldest profession.”  Isn’t it?  Women (and men) CHOOSE to sell their bodies because

  • They like sex
  • They like money
  • They like sex AND money
  • It’s easy money
  • It’s an exciting, glamourous lifestyle
  • It’s empowering to women to be able to do whatever they want with their bodies

Not really.  If you want to know how glamourous and empowering the prostitution lifestyle is, look at the rates of drug abuse.  Prostituted women are either given drugs by their pimps to keep them cooperative, or else the women themselves develop drug habits to escape from the hell of being used as sperm receptacles.  Those with serious drug habits often do get into a vicious cycle of having to get money to buy drugs, and the quickest and easiest way to do that is to turn a trick.

I have known a lot of prostitutes, and not one of them has done it because she enjoyed the sex.  Sex for the prostituted is for one thing: money. And most of the time most of the money doesn’t go to her, it goes to the pimp or madam who rents her out.  Prostitutes learn how to dissociate when a john is on top of them.  The problem is, the dissociation doesn’t always work: that’s where the drugs come in.

Now we come to runaways.  As some of you already know, I was a teenage runaway.  I ran away from an abusive home after being drugged, abducted, and brutally raped by a man who had been admiring me at work.  So I ended up on the street.  I wasn’t there because I wanted to be; I was there because I thought I was going to find peace and love.  What I found was that if I needed food, shelter, a shower, drugs, anything really, the only way to get it was to sleep with some guy.  If I didn’t have a place to crash (meaning a guy to sleep with), I slept outside or walked the streets all night.

That was back in the early 1970’s.  Things have changed now, for the worse.  Runaways now are caught and funneled into the sex trafficking business by pimps who work the streets looking for them.  It is very easy to spot a runaway.  Your hair is uncombed, your clothes are a mess from sleeping under some bush in the park, you are probably carrying a backpack, maybe a sleeping bag if you thought that far ahead.  You look homeless, because you are.

So some handsome, well groomed guy offers to buy you a meal, and you are hungry.  Then he offers you a place to crash, and you are tired of sleeping in doorways or in the park, and have probably been raped a couple of times by now so you are ready to come indoors.  Then you discover that you can’t get out.  And then the nightmare really begins.  That’s the way it is now.

As for the glamourous call-girl life, I’ve known a couple of women who’ve done that.  I thought about it myself sometimes, when I was young and beautiful and needed money to make it through college.  Yeah, I have some friends who got through school by “turning tricks,” as it was called back then.  I have never seen such damaged people in my life, apart from the ones who were kidnapped into it.  My friends who were “voluntarily” prostituting themselves found their self-esteem eroded trick by trick, and to bolster themselves up they had to turn another trick, and another….”the life” becomes an addiction.

We were all hooked on cocaine.  My cocaine habit was small change compared with theirs.  I did coke because it actually treated my depression (I didn’t realize that till years later); they did coke because they couldn’t stand their lives.  I got my coke by sleeping with dealers; they got their coke by turning tricks to make the money to buy more coke.  I guess I was a prostitute too, huh?  I just didn’t do it for cash, because I was scared to.  I did it for “stuff,” whatever was needed at the time.  Yeah, I heard myself being called a “coke whore,” but I chose not to listen until one morning I woke up next to yet another man I had never seen before, and I quit. Cold turkey quit.  I was one of the lucky ones.

To get back to the original question: Is Prostitution Ever Voluntary?  My answer is: it can look that way, when it’s an adult woman who makes what she thinks is an informed, purposeful choice, because she thinks she can make money quickly and easily that way.  But once in “the life,” a woman becomes trapped, either by her pimp or her drug habit or the crushing of her soul that is prostitution. Then it’s not voluntary: it’s slavery.

 

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11 Comments

  1. In the New Testament of my Bible, a woman is “caught in the act of adultery” by the pious, self-rightous, hypocritical men of that time and thrown at the feet of Jesus in order to trap Him by bringing the Law into the conversation about this woman. I learned this lesson at an early age — just as I learned so many Bible lessons because I was forced to, which isn’t a nice way to learn, but that’s beside the point. Yet it took me years before I was grown up enough to ask myself — because I dare not question my dad or his denomination — ‘Where was the man?’ It was at that point that I realized the pious, self-righteous, hypocritical men had laid a trap for this woman and waited until just the right moment to grab her, probably by her hair and at least half naked, while probably screaming at her. They dragged her through who knows how many streets, calling everyone’s attentions to her so they could have a huge audience following them and listening to them. It doesn’t say that in my Bible, but I can see it happening. Many years later I asked myself, ‘Hasn’t that always been the way?’

    I have seen some shows, and since they are shows I don’t know if this happens in real life or not, where a sting is set up to capture the johns, sometimes publish their names (sometimes with their photos) in the local newspaper. If this would truly happen in every city, town, village, etc. throughout the world I wonder if it would make a difference.

    The fact that there is even a phrase “human trafficking” makes me sick to my stomach!! I was able to read this post, but I admit freely to you that I simply cannot — am not able — to read the other posts about sexual slavery, human trafficking, etc. that you write/participate in. You know I love your blog. You know I think you’re a fantastic writer. You know I think you’re an amazing woman. I just literally get sick at my stomach regarding these topics and cannot read them. So if you never see me “liking” them or commenting, now you understand.

    I read all your other posts on both of your blogs. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to read this one, but I did. It still makes me nauseous.

    I do thank you for blogging about all these topics, whether I can stomach them or not, because I know it’s a reality that needs to be shouted from the rooftops and there are many, whether they make themselves known to you or not, who need to hear this and who will benefit from your words. May God bless each one caught up in this devil’s trap, no matter their gender, and may He enable them to find a way to be set free!!

    –Kathy

    Reply
    • Amen to your blessing Kathy. I was just telling my son today that one of the things I miss the most about Israel is that people on the streets who you don’t even know will come up to you and give you marvelous blessings that are channeled from On High, and all your friends and neighbors are constantly giving one another blessings. There are even Blessing Parties! So much better than Tupperware parties, even though I do love Tupperware.

      I totally understand if you can’t read these posts. They’re disgusting. I only hope that someone who needs to read them will read them and have an opening of their heart. Someone who has looked down and despised us, who has seen us as less than human or less than themselves.

      The story in the New Testament has a precedent in the Old Testament, I think in Leviticus but I can’t remember exactly, of the Sotah or “unfaithful wife,” who is actually only SUSPECTED of being unfaithful but is put through a humiliating public ritual to try to force a confession. If she is innocent, oh boy, she gets to go back to the husband who set her up for it!

      Well, January is almost over, and I promise I will try to write more funny pieces or informational or insightful and less traumatic ones in February.

      Take care, sweetie, love ya!

      Reply
  2. If the prostitute has an upper middle class background, an education, a broad menu of careers from which to choose, enough money so that she would not become homeless were she out of work six weeks, a loving family that supports her and validates her, and enough money to feed, house and educate her children, if she has them. Then
    maybe she has made a choice.

    Reply
    • Perhaps one could call that a choice. I have in fact run into someone in blogland who absolutely trashed me on a piece I wrote, saying that she had all of the things you mention above, and that she “chose” to also be a prostitute. It didn’t take much probing to uncover that she had been raped by her father for years….OK….so is that a choice? I would call it an obsessive symptom. I might even suspect her of having DID and splitting. I wonder what kind of person her husband is. I wonder what will happen to her children. People may appear to make a choice, but that choice is based on a need.

      Reply
      • …that’s a traumatic replication that suggests that he psychologically controlled her by making her responsible for his actions. It may also be a defensive strategy that allows her to express her sexuality while maintaining emotional distance.

        Whatever it is…it’s not a choice.

        Reply
        • Prostitution can also become an addictive behavior. It’s amazing how many of us had/have trouble getting off the street/out of the game, even when we have plenty of opportunities elsewhere. It’s a learned behavior, that the only place I have value is my ability to drive a man crazy, and that’s a rush. I’m not talking so much about prostitution as physical survival. That’s how mine started, but then it became a game…took me years and years to find the ME that was stolen one day in 1970…

          Reply

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