Like a Newborn Baby, Again.

What do people mean when they say that?  I haven’t the foggiest idea.  In fact, I haven’t the foggiest idea of what most people mean when they say anything at all.  This has been one of the hardest parts about being the vessel that carries my particular brain around.  I’m never quite sure whether my understanding of another human being’s thoughts and utterances ever even approaches what they really meant.  I waste untold quantities of time and energy worrying about this, my inability to feel connected with most human beings.  

I think this is one of the reasons I bond so closely with animals.  Communication with them is all about eye contact, body language, facial expression, smells….speaking of which, I got aggravated in the middle of last night with a smell that was lingering from the previous day’s cooking.  Being the Jewish Sabbath, it was not appropriate for me to do anything requiring fire, like lighting incense, burning essential oils, etc., but I did have a blend of essential oils in a spray bottle, which is perfectly acceptable to use on the Sabbath.  It was, in fact, one of many such spray bottles containing blends that I make for various purposes, that lurk in corners around the house.  I grabbed the one that I thought was for banishing evil odors, but it was dark, and alas, I grabbed the one that is for banishing ants.  I sprayed a great deal of it around before I realized my mistake….and my dog, Noga, headed for the hills, and tried to dig a hole in my recliner to bury her nose in.  Oh dear.  But at least it didn’t smell like the salmon from last night.

Where was I?  Oh yes.  I was in that place of wondering if I would ever understand other people.  I have come to a new resolve:  I shall not try.  I shall let other people be who they are, and I will do my best to let me be me.  If it should happen to turn out that there is a mutual understanding, I am going to try my best to stay in the moment with it and let it stand on its own.  That will be a marked change from my usual fear-based:  what if I misunderstood what they meant?  What if they think I’m really weird?

So, since we’re into the “what if’s,” what if I started all over again, each and every time, like a newborn baby, again?

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13 Comments

  1. I LOVE this!!!!! I had a conversation with a maybe-friend about some coworkers the other day. We talked about the fact that so many of the people around us seem to be shocked regularly by things we do or say because we don’t fit into the little drawers and cubbies they like to put people in. As we were talking I decided two things.

    1. I need to be more understanding of the fact that many people are blind and deaf to the people around them…and *like* it that way. So they do *not* know how to act/interact/react with a person who has open senses and an open mind.

    2. That doesn’t mean I need to change, per se, it means that I need to give them room for their own ignorance and be aware when that ignorance is butting up against my self. If I have to be around the person (such as a coworker) and don’t want to have them attempting to force me into a drawer or running about confused and causing problems, I need to determine what I can do *for me* to help the situation. (For me, for work, it means headphones…constantly.)

    BTW, do you mind if I reblog this?

    Reply
    • Laura

       /  March 10, 2012

      Thank you! Can you please educate me (poor old lady, just barely out of the pen-and-pencil stage) re: reblogging? What does it do? I’m all excited that I’m not apologizing for my ignorance any more than I already have 😉

      Reply
  2. Very little of our communication is verbal and much less of is successful and getting from sender to receiver. That’s why I don’t try to get people anymore, people don’t seem to get what I’m saying half the time I open my mouth, and I’m not sure people will ever get each other.

    Poor Noga. hehe. She’s a cutie.

    Reply
  3. When I’m feeling unwell, I spend a lot of time thinking (perseverating) over things I’ve said and how others interpreted them and whether I really understood their reactions. I attribute some of that to loss of cognitive performance, and the rest to anxiety. But who knows, really?

    I’ve taken pride in being “weird” since I was a kid. There was never any pretending to be anything else, and the only way to survive with any semblance of self-esteem was to own it. My position has always been: I am who I am, and if you can’t handle it, more’s the pity – for you.

    Reply
    • That’s a wonderful way to be. Much more adaptive than my own baseline state of being, which involves feeling different and weird but also worrying constantly whether I’ve misunderstood or been misunderstood. Today is a new day, though, and I do have a choice.

      Reply
  4. Reblogged this on theartistryofthebipolarbrain and commented:
    I have been doing a lot of thinking this weekend and last week. I will go into more detail later…maybe. But a big part of it is just like what Laura says. So why re-write what she has said so well?

    Reply
  5. I think that your resolve is a very good one. You could spend half a lifetime plus more trying to figure out other people, analyzing them and their reactions to you and your reactions to them and your reactions to their reactions to you. But you would just wind up confused, exhausted, and not any closer to the goal of understanding.

    People interact with each other, and some of it is understood, and some of it is misunderstood. I think this is true of all relationships, it just varies in degree. But I do hope that with this new attitude, some weight and some worry will be lifted from your mind.

    Reply
    • Oh, and as to your what if about starting over. . . The slate would be wiped clean, which might seem nice. . . But you would have to learn again all the knowledge that you have so far amassed. . . Don’t know but it wouldn’t be endlessly exhausting. . .

      Reply
  6. “I shall let other people be who they are, and I will do my best to let me be me. If it should happen to turn out that there is a mutual understanding, I am going to try my best to stay in the moment with it and let it stand on its own. ”

    Your wisdom is showing in such a delighful way.

    Reply
    • Thank you so much! When I go back and read this, I am struck by the spot-on identification of the task. How difficult it has been throughout my life to accomplish it! This is really a statement of a major goal in my personal development. I hope I get there in this incarnation….

      Reply
  7. bessie minette

     /  September 15, 2012

    There is so much good stuff on this page!

    Reply

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